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In-Laws

kjv2013kjv2013 member
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in Snarky Brides
Hi Ladies

New to the boards but have been lurking for a while now. (To introduce myself, I am getting married in May 2013, I have 3 dogs, love cooking and am totally unorganized)

To spare you all my pages and pages of the backstory that goes with this question:

What are your best tips for dealing with difficult In-Laws?

Thanks & Happy Monday!
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Re: In-Laws

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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Difficult inlaws could mean many things. What type of difficult?
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    chelseamb11chelseamb11 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Attitude is everything.  I've noticed that if I go into a visit with my future ILs expecting FMIL to be a bitch, everything she does is bitchy in my eyes.
    It also depends on how they're being difficult though too.  Specifics?
     
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    ricksangricksang member
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    edited April 2012
    What is your definition of difficult?
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    marateamaratea member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Booze. Lots and lots of booze.

    Honestly, the best way we've found to deal with H's insufferable parents is to ignore them when they are being dillholes. And be cordial and adult when around them.
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    kjv2013kjv2013 member
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    They dont necessarily hate me, but they dont really like me either. The kind of difficult that is demanding, impatient, rude, and there is no way of talking compromise or reasoning with them.

    I am using up all my nice and patient on them.
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    See them as little as possible?
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    lbarr088lbarr088
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_in-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6dbaa300-52f8-4d57-8d17-16cc09567792Post:48a4def5-1a68-42f9-bd5b-18e523699508">Re: In-Laws</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Booze. Lots and lots of booze.</strong> Honestly, the best way we've found to deal with H's insufferable parents is to ignore them when they are being dillholes. And be cordial and adult when around them.
    Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

    <div>Halleluyar.  </div><div>
    </div><div>For the record, my ILs are pretty sane and non-difficult.  I just like booze.</div>
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    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Just kill them with kindness and give them absolutely no reason to be rude to you.  Then when they are, they are the ones who look like assholes.

    My grandma doesn't like my mom  but a long ass time ago, my mom had had enough and took her aside and said, "Listen.  I love your son.  We are married and we are having a family.  I am not going anywhere.  We can either get along, fake getting along, or I can make your life a living hell for the rest of your days.  The choice is yours."  They co-exist.
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I get along with my IL's but they can be a bit much at times because they are so different than my family.  They are loud and just, i dont know.  But we get along well.  When I am feeling overwhelmed I just take a few minutes to relax.

    If I didnt get along with my IL's it would be a huge issue for H an I so I try not to let the little things bother me and let a lot roll off my back.
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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    OP- you could move 14 hours away like we did. :-) In all reality, my inlaws are really nice to me but my FIL drives me crazy. He is nosy and says inappropriate things. We obviously didn't move to get away from them it I'm not complaining that I don't have to go over their house for dinner anymore.
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    marateamaratea member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_in-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6dbaa300-52f8-4d57-8d17-16cc09567792Post:d7c21663-476d-4b07-998a-05c1a07b76f0">Re: In-Laws</a>:
    [QUOTE]They dont necessarily hate me, but they dont really like me either. The kind of difficult that is demanding, impatient, rude, and there is no way of talking compromise or reasoning with them. I am using up all my nice and patient on them.
    Posted by kjv2013[/QUOTE]
    They sound as though they were cut from the same sheet as my ILs. During wedding planner, they were awful to us. H was the one who did all the communicating with them and after a while, he just stopped talking to them about our plans. They weren't paying for anything, so we didn't give them a say in plans outside of their guest list. We ignored them for quite a while after the wedding because of a few things they had done and gradually they started getting nicer.

    They are generally nice to us now, although I still think MIL is bsc.
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    specialk84specialk84
    First Comment
    I spend as little time as possible with my ILs. When I do have to see them, I generally have to take my anxiety medicine. I'm okay with some of my H's siblings, but not with others. I cannot deal with MIL, so H does a pretty good job of keeping her away from me.
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    RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I find if you put fourth a little effort it goes a long way. Example asking your MIL to go out for lunch with you, or go shopping for the day just the two of you. Once I did this my MIL opened up to me and we became a lot closer. She is now easier to deal with. Everyone is different though.
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    kjv2013kjv2013 member
    First Comment
    Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I have tried alot of things in the last few years, and I supposed the best thing to do is just put on a smile, try not to have a total mental breakdown (or at least wait until I am in the car to do so) and LOTS OF BOOZE. (that one made me laugh out loud)

    Much appreciated!
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    marateamaratea member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Kjv- I spent a lot of time crying over some of the things my ILs did. Let me tell you- not worth it. Don't waste your emotions on them. Just be friendly when necessary and happy your FI didn't turn out to be twunts like your ILs.
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    I'm all about the living far away thing. We live out of state from both sets of parents. Its hard to not have family around with a baby, but then we don't have htem all up in our business either. 

    DH likes my parents for the most part, but his are more difficult. THey proclaim to love us, but they have their own issues and problems that keep them from demonstrating it. Example- Neither of his parents has made the effort to come visit their only grandchild, who is now 9mo. Another Example- DH calls his parents every Sunday and his mother hasn't picked up the phone or returned his call since before Xmas. 

    So sometimes having them ignore you can be more painful then having them around all the time. 
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    teamchatteamchat member
    First Comment
    I don't have in-laws I have out-laws. The best advice is to remain true to yourself. This is about YOU! Give them tasks to work on that you don't want to. I send mine a monthly email to update them on all things wedding. This answered questions before they were ask. I let them know that I have a monthly deadline guide and I am adhering to it. I also told my husband to be..... GET YOUR MAMA! That helps too!

    It's nice to know I am not the only one who has this issue.

    Grace

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_in-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6dbaa300-52f8-4d57-8d17-16cc09567792Post:400d4e78-123f-4725-bc9b-d47730933cd4">In-Laws</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Ladies New to the boards but have been lurking for a while now. (To introduce myself, I am getting married in May 2013, I have 3 dogs, love cooking and am totally unorganized) To spare you all my pages and pages of the backstory that goes with this question: What are your best tips for dealing with difficult In-Laws? Thanks & Happy Monday!
    Posted by kjv2013[/QUOTE]
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    LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Some of them don't give a rat's asss about me, so I ignore them too.  I spent several years beating myself up over it - 'why don't they like me?' 'what's wrong with me?' until I realized they are a dysfunctional group of individuals who don't care about family.  I had to let it go, for my own sanity.  I enjoy my relationship with some of them (MIL in particular), but others are not worth the effort.
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    hannahmasseyhannahmassey
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    In Response to Re:InLaws:[QUOTE]Kjv I spent a lot of time crying over some of the things my ILs did. Let me tell you not worth it. Don't waste your emotions on them. Just be friendly when necessary and happy your FI didn't turn out to be twunts like your ILs. Posted by maratea[/QUOTE] yyeeeessss
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