Honorary Bridesmaid Attire

macollie · October 2010

What are honorary bridesmaids supposed to wear? I need some ideas!

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2010

If she going to be at the wedding why isn't she just a BM? I was under the impression that you bestow an honary title on someone who would not be in attendence.

mbcdefg · October 2010

Why is she an "honorary bridesmaid"?

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

An "honorary" bridesmaid is one who is absent for any reason (including no longer being alive). A living person in attendance at the wedding cannot hold an honorary position. "Bridesmaid" is, in itself, an honorary title.

Anyone who isn't in the wedding party (meaning bridesmaids/men and groomsmen/maids) can wear whatever they like.

macollie · October 2010

My fiance has 5 sisters. I wanted to include them in the official wedding party, but his mom talked to me into making them just honorary bridesmaids because they all have babies under the age of 2.

staceytaylor0704 · October 2010

What the heck is an honorary bridesmaid?
Either they are a bridesmaid, or they are a wedding guest- at least from what I've always understood.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:79cffb08-4d90-4fbf-b55f-e39d075b973f">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance has 5 sisters. I wanted to include them in the official wedding party, but his mom talked to me into making them just honorary bridesmaids because they all have babies under the age of 2.
Posted by macollie[/QUOTE]
Unless having infants mean they won't be attending the wedding at all, the title does not apply. Either have them in the wedding or don't. They can also stand up for your FI as groomswomen. If they will be bringing their children to the wedding, presumably someone else (like, I don't know, the fathers) can take care of them during the ceremony and pictures, which is the only time the WP is really "on duty".

macollie · October 2010

If there are some women that you want to be included but you can't have them as bridesmaids, ask them to be Honorary Bridesmaids (also known as Honor Attendants). They can sit in the front of the church with the family and they will be able to attend the rehearsal dinner and bridesmaids' luncheon, etc.

mgietler76 · October 2010

Yeah I don't; think I understand either. My MOH will have a 4yr old and a 6 week old but unless she is unable to actually attend she is in fact a BM. If you want to honor them than just have them in the front row and why not give them corsages to wear? But leave out any titles.

ETA - They can wear what they want as they are honored GUESTS to answer your question

reese511 · October 2010

they should wear whatever they want since they are not officially in the BP.

MommyMarta08 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:42db42a3-8372-4975-899d-f3fefe707494">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]If there are some women that you want to be included but you can't have them as bridesmaids, ask them to be Honorary Bridesmaids (also known as Honor Attendants). They can sit in the front of the church with the family and they will be able to attend the rehearsal dinner and bridesmaids' luncheon, etc.
Posted by macollie[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>But they are his SISTERS. Wouldn't they be attending the rehearsal dinner and be sitting up front at the church anyway? All immediate family gets to do both of these things even if they aren't in the Bridal Party. It sounds to me like you didn't want to have too many Bridesmaids and felt bad, so your MIL was trying to appease you and told you to give them this dumb title OR they didn't want to be bridesmaids and their mom got them out of it for them. Maybe they didn't want to have to buy a dress, etc. because they have other expenses with the new babies or aren't back in shape yet to wear what they want, etc. </div><div>
</div><div>Anyway- there is no such thing as an honorary bridesmaid. Either you are or aren't. Let them wear what they want. If you want to give them a heads up on the color of BM dresses, I guess you can in case they would like to be in a complimentary shade for pictures. </div>

tlbattaglia · October 2010

I don't believe she was asking whether to have them be honorary or not. She has made up her mind on that. She's simply saying she's having them be a part of her day, what should they wear. I think this got way outta hand.

macollie · October 2010

THANK YOU! I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't post this to get RUDE answers.

sytom · October 2010

I would let them wear what they want but maybe you can give them a corsage just to make them stand out more. That is only if you want to.

By the way, my future husband's sisters are not in the WP and I am not planning to give them a corsage. I think it's up to you but they shouldn't feel bad if they are not BM especially since you have nine. I can't imagine having to keep up with all of them. Wow ! : )

Good luck on your choice !

mgietler76 · October 2010

Maybe you should lurk a little more to get the feel of the boards? We're not trying to be rude, I just didn't understand why they were honorary (since the title is for someone who cannot be present) and what the fact that they had children had anything to do with it.

MommyMarta08 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:565604e0-2ab1-4fec-b87b-e64f8cd94429">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't believe she was asking whether to have them be honorary or not. She has made up her mind on that. She's simply saying she's having them be a part of her day, what should they wear. I think this got way outta hand.
Posted by tlbattaglia[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>How could we know what to tell her they should wear when "honorary bridesmaid" isn't a real title? If they are just going to be "part of her day" why is she deciding what they should wear? Is she going to also tell her cousins, aunts, 2nd cousin's unlce's girlfriend what to wear? It's so silly and if this was her way of getting out of making them real bridesmaids, I would be insulted with the title. </div>

jerseydevil · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:70154a55-fc14-43d6-9719-a1706284a764">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire : How could we know what to tell her they should wear when "honorary bridesmaid" isn't a real title? If they are just going to be "part of her day" why is she deciding what they should wear? Is she going to also tell her cousins, aunts, 2nd cousin's unlce's girlfriend what to wear? It's so silly and if this was her way of getting out of making them real bridesmaids, I would be insulted with the title.
Posted by MommyMarta08[/QUOTE]

Everyone is different... maybe it's a local or family tradition for her?

OP - To answer your question, maybe instead of picking out what they wear, you can give them corsages.

mgietler76 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:ae7b3304-4c32-4421-a316-1a704383e924">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire : Everyone is different... maybe it's a local or family tradition for her?
Posted by jerseydevil[/QUOTE]

Which is exactly why we asked what an honorary BM was.

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:ea725a25-2202-4847-8a12-aa0c69b22ac9">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]THANK YOU! I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't post this to get RUDE answers.
Posted by macollie[/QUOTE]

I think we are more confused than anything else. I would just have them wear whatever they want since they are "technically" not part of the WP. So they don't need to match everyone else.

jessienjeremy · October 2010

My friend had honor attendants.. They helped pass out programs etc. Her colors were green and black.. They wore black dresses.

So My answer is have them where a dress in one of the colors of your wedding.

mbcdefg · October 2010

How about having them each wear a sign that says, "Loser who didn't make the cut"?

kristinanddan · October 2010

Since there really isn't such a thing as an honorary bridesmaid, I assume they won't be standing with the rest of the girls. In that case, they dress as guests, because that's what they are. If you want them in the wedding party and don't want them as bridesmaids, they can stand on your FI's side or do readings.

lalap69 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_honorary-bridesmaid-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ad5151ce-8e38-4f74-af45-3323b99293d8Post:65598398-0d92-456d-8c05-7ea77cc4a32c">Re: Honorary Bridesmaid Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]How about having them each wear a sign that says, "Loser who didn't make the cut"?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
I lol'd for real. See, malphabet, this is why I love you.

First, it stops being OP's day once she involves other people, which she has done.

Second, as PP have tried to explain, bridesmaid is already an honourary title, so you can't have honourary bridesmaids. Either they're bridesmaids, or they're not. If they're not, you don't dictate what they wear. If they are, then they'd wear the same thing as the other bridesmaids. This isn't actually that complicated.

Beachy730 · October 2010

Nobody was rude in this case. People were trying to understand why an honorary BM would need to be told what to wear, since the title honorary BM is reserved for those who can't be there. Not for someone who didn't make the cut as a BM. Its not rude, its what the term means, so nobody could understand why you would care what someone wore who isn't at the wedding.

OP - Since these ladies are not in your WP they get to wear whatever they want. How many people does FI have on his side? He can have them on his side as groomswomen. Or you can honor them by having them do readings or bringing up the gifts or something thats a tradition in your ceremony.

I'm not saying this to be rude, but honestly I would much rather be nothing other than the sister of the groom at the wedding than to be called an "honoroary BM." Take it as you will, but I would see it as a slap in the face saying I'm not good enough to be one of your 9 BMs that you picked, but you felt too guilty to not do anything. Since you already asked them though, i would just tell them to wear whatever they want, and just give them a corsage at the wedding. The minute you tell them what to wear or require them to wear something, then they are an actual BM, or you are just going to be seen as a bridezilla.

futurepivko · October 2010

sorry, i have to agree with others, i dont beleive anyone was rude. maybe if the way you used "honorary bridesmaid" was better explained you wouldnt have gotten some of the responses you did

i would feel HORRIBLE if i was an honorary bridesmaid..............i would feel offended! if you want to include them give them a corsage or let them do a reading. they can also be ushers. if they do help out in anyway, make sure you give them a nice gift for their support.

trix1223 · October 2010

Yeah~if you asked me to be an "Honorary Bridesmaid" I'd decline. Because what you're offering is most definitely a pity position, and it's not any kind of honor at all.

An Honorary Bridesmaid is one who can't physically attend the wedding. If I were a guest and I saw "Sally Jones~Honorary Bridesmaid" and then saw Sally sitting at the wedding, I'd be confused.

Also, if I'm not a "real" bridesmaid, you don't get to dictate my attire at your wedding. You choose your attire, and the attire of your WP. That's it.

My advice: don't ask anyone to be an "honorary" anything if they're actually going to be in the room as you exchange vows. Then you don't have to worry about telling them what to wear. You're also not being presumptuous and inconsiderate. And that's a good thing.

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