Rehearsal Dinner Help (long)

saraschilling88 · April 2012

I saw a different Rehearsal Dinner question but am REALLY struggling with mine today (we were trying to talk to FI's Dad about it).

Ok so we plan to invite immediate family, wedding party, and officiant (for sure). We also want to invite the ushers who aren't immediate family but are like my brothers (there are 3 cousins, the 4th is my brother so is obviously immediate family), as well as my 2 aunts (and their husbands/my uncles) who are basically our wedding planners (without them, I'd never be able to pull this wedding off) and FI's grandparents!!!

So here's the issue we are dealing with:
Usher 1 has a fiancee and his fiancee has 5 children (his fiancee is our pianist, so we feel like she should be there, but her 5 kids would be a lot of extra people and aren't involved in the wedding at all)
Usher 2 has a wife and 2 kids (his wife is our photographer, so again she should be there, but the 2 kids aren't really involved, except to pass out bubbles to guests)
Usher 3 has a wife and 2 kids (his wife and kids aren't really involved yet, 1 may assist with passing out bubbles and groomscake)

Normally we would just say "leave kid with grandparents", but the 2 aforementioned aunts are the grandparents to these kids.

We are inviting the flower girl and ringbearer (my niece and nephew), as well as the best man's child (his wife is my personal attendant, so she's invited and they aren't related so their kid would have noone to watch him, and he may not be eating "adult" food at that point as he is not even 5 months old yet). One of the other groomsmen also has a newborn who is invited (same deal, the Mom is invited as wife of the groomsmen and noone to watch kid).

My FI's parents are divorced, and his stepdad has a son (so FI's stepbrother) who we see once a year and he's not involved with the wedding, but does he count as immediate family? Also his 2 sisters both have boyfriends, and we don't know whether or not we have to invite them??

If we add in EVERYONE that could POSSIBLY be invited in the situation, it is 50 people, and FI's Dad said that FI's Mom would ABSOLUTELY NOT pay for the 9 children of the Ushers who are not really involved in the wedding. So we don't know what to do.. Our rehearsal dinner venue has room for 36 comfortably but we can spill over if needed.

Please help, this is making me want to PULL OUT MY HAIR!!!!!!!

calindi · April 2012

Can you make the rehearsal dinner "adults only" and pay for a babysitter or two for those 9 kids?

I went to rehearsals as a kid and was bored to tears. I loved the reception, hated the ceremony and hated the rehearsal.

BTCarolus · April 2012

You don't have to invite any kids. You aren't even required to invite the FG and RB, only their parents (but you are required to invite their parents).

Lobsters25 · April 2012

I like cal's idea. The sitter(s) would cost you less, and you could order in some fun food and get some games for the kids to play.

msowena · April 2012

Finding a babysittier is not your issue (though obviously its nice if you could help with that, but not required). I would say to invite only people involved in the wedding (so kids involved, yes. children of people who are involved in the wedding, but their kids do not a play a role in it- no). I say this both because it is okay by etiquette standards to leave those children off the list, it will keep peace with you future in laws, and it will make the room less packaged so everybody will be comfortable.

As far as this: "Usher 3 has a wife and 2 kids (his wife and kids aren't really involved yet, 1 may assist with passing out bubbles and groomscake)"

If you are going to invite the usher, you are (by etiquetterules)expected to invite his wife. All SO's are invited, whether or not they play a part in the wedding or not... even whether or not you've ever even met them or not.

saraschilling88 · April 2012

Babysitting might be an option, I do have one cousin who can babysit (I think of her since she knows all the ushers kids already since the 3 ushers are my cousins), and the oldest 2 of the family of 5 can probably help too I'll have to ask if they'd be willing. I don't know if the parents of the 4 other kids (flower girl, ring bearer, and 2 other children of groomsmen) would be comfortable having someone babysit their kids (well, the flower girl and ringbearer's parents probably would, but the other 2 I don't know). I will talk to my FI about it and my Mom (as she knows how well my cousins would be able to handle it)!!

I hope I can figure out (or help figure out) a few babysitters as that would be nice!!

saraschilling88 · April 2012

Also, I had every intention of inviting the wife of usher #3!! Just wanted to clarify that!!!

Rehearsal Dinner Help (long)

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Help (long)

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