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My brothers...groom's attendents?

smith6tmsmith6tm
10 Comments
in Wedding Party
I have two older brothers (both married) and my fiance does not have any siblings.  I do not have any sisters so my brothers and sister-in-laws are very important to me.   I would like them to be in the wedding.  I'd like to ask my sister-in-laws to be my bridesmaids but is it okay to ask my fiance to have my brothers stand for him?  

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Re: My brothers...groom's attendents?

  • tonyadombrowskitonyadombrowski
    100 Comments

    are any other people standing up or would it be just the 4?

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  • smith6tmsmith6tm
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-brothersgrooms-attendents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17f60495-86f1-4c4b-b557-3e71f5cc7711Post:6754574e-2fff-4675-a7b6-7e37dd3d1cc9">Re: My brothers...groom's attendents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]are any other people standing up or would it be just the 4?
    Posted by tonyadombrowski[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>We would each have 2-3 friends on each side in addition to my brothers/sisters in law.  </div>
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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    How lovely! Your brothers can stand with you or with your groom. It is up to the groom to decide if he wants them, however, as he gets to choose. You can ask your FI, but it is totally his decision.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If your FI feels close to your brothers and wants to ask them, it's fine.  You shouldn't be telling him who to ask.

    If it's important that your brothers be in the wedding party, you should ask them to stand on your side.
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  • sonya+adamsonya+adam member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    If your FI wants them as his attendants, then sure! But remember that it is his choice as to who he wants to have stand up there with him. Don't make him feel pressured to have your brothers stand with him. You could always have them stand on your side, if it's important to you that they are in the wedding party.
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  • tonyadombrowskitonyadombrowski
    100 Comments
    Yeah I agree with everyone with it being up to him, but mention you are thinking of having your sis in laws be in and see what he says. He may want to.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Your brothers? Your attendants. 
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  • smith6tmsmith6tm
    10 Comments
    I guess I am just traditional in my thinking.  I don't like the idea of having male bridesmaids or women as groomsmen.  I've been to weddings like that and it just looks weird to me.  I stood in my brother's wedding on my sister-in-law's side and  most weddings in my family it has been that way...where the sister of the groom was always on the bride's side.   Hence my thinking that this was no big deal.    

    Thank you all for the opinions, they are greatly appreciated.  I will talk to my FI and see what we come up with!  
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  • stantokmstantokm member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Like PPs said, it's your fiance's choice.  I'm having my FH's sister as a BM and he's having one of my brothers as a GM, though he was surprised when I suggested it.  When I explained that his sister would essentially become my sister and my brother would become his brother, he was all for it.  I view it as a way for us to become closer to each other's siblings.  Not everyone will feel like that, though, and MANY brides and grooms have different sex bridal party members.

    If you don't want them in the bridal party, consider asking them to do readings.  Those are honored positions, unlike being in charge of the guest book.
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  • renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-brothersgrooms-attendents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17f60495-86f1-4c4b-b557-3e71f5cc7711Post:2b44712a-5b09-4279-a2bb-70cc92b597d0">Re: My brothers...groom's attendents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I am just traditional in my thinking.  I don't like the idea of having male bridesmaids or women as groomsmen.
    Posted by smith6tm[/QUOTE]

    Well, nobody would actually undergo a sex change merely by standing up in a wedding.  Any men standing on your side would be bridesmen, and any women standing on your fiance's side would be groomswomen.

    I really don't understand the idea that not segregating people according to gender looks weird, but it's your wedding and if each of you considers the other's siblings to be good friends, there's no reason your FSIL can't stand up with you and your brothers can't stand up with your fiance.  However, if the only reason your fiance would ask your brothers is that they are your brothers, I think it would be more appropriate for them to stand on your side if you want them to be in the wedding party.
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  • lls31lls31 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Let your FI decide who he wants to stand up with him.  If you talk to him about it, he may feel obligated to include them.  

    If he doesn't choose your brothers as GM, ask them to stand up with you instead.  Or just let them be guests.
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  • smith6tmsmith6tm
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-brothersgrooms-attendents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17f60495-86f1-4c4b-b557-3e71f5cc7711Post:86ce3476-9efb-4d3a-bee4-650b0ee7105a">Re: My brothers...groom's attendents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My brothers...groom's attendents? : Well, nobody would actually undergo a sex change merely by standing up in a wedding.  
    Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I'm not sure where I implied that someone was undergoing a sex change?  I think you missed my point.  

    </div>
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  • jlungerjlunger
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I would talk to your Fi.  We decided it is our wedding party do his sister and sister in law is standing beside me and my brothers and nephew is standing beside him.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-brothersgrooms-attendents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17f60495-86f1-4c4b-b557-3e71f5cc7711Post:d6be8cd6-2bdc-45d0-8d69-57d673c985c8">Re: My brothers...groom's attendents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My brothers...groom's attendents? : I'm not sure where I implied that someone was undergoing a sex change?  I think you missed my point.  
    Posted by smith6tm[/QUOTE]

    <div>Your point was that women should only have female friends and that men should only have male friends.  </div><div>
    </div><div>While it wasn't missed, it certainly wasn't taken seriously because of how absurd it is.  </div>
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  • smith6tmsmith6tm
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-brothersgrooms-attendents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17f60495-86f1-4c4b-b557-3e71f5cc7711Post:cecaa162-acb8-462f-be5a-2f1089b5e98b">Re: My brothers...groom's attendents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My brothers...groom's attendents? : Your point was that women should only have female friends and that men should only have male friends.   While it wasn't missed, it certainly wasn't taken seriously because of how absurd it is.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Unfortunately still not my point.  Please be respectful.  

    </div>
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  • renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its
    You referred to men as bridesmaids and women as groomsmen.  I think you missed my point, which is that even men who stand on your side would still be men, and women who stand on your fiance's side would still be women.
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