This is NUTS... two weddings?

anchoredtoadam · July 2012

Alright, so yesterday I posted about doing our wedding in Hawaii & having everyone come there. Well, I also posted it on Facebook to see what everyone would say & needless to say, the responses I got weren't what I had expected at all..

Sooo, after many upsetting phone calls from both sides of the family, my fiance & I had hit our breaking point. This whole flying thing wasn't going to happen, at least not with everyone. We've agreed that everyone is so scattered around the US that we might as well just have two weddings. Definitley not what I pictured but I guess it'll be fun.

Anyone having or has had two weddings? Any advice?

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

My advice is not to have to two weddings. One will be fake and pointless. It'll be play-acting getting married and I wouldn't really want to attend such a farce.

I'd get married where you want and bring a videographer. Have a large party in the other location and show the wedding video to those who want to see it.

calliopeia2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_this-is-nuts-two-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:224bd2a3-952e-464e-bf67-dfc793c9d899Post:95083a4c-0927-444a-8232-f025f6f3880e">Re: This is NUTS... two weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice is not to have to two weddings. One will be fake and pointless. It'll be play-acting getting married and I wouldn't really want to attend such a farce. I'd get married where you want and bring a videographer. Have a large party in the other location and show the wedding video to those who want to see it.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly this. Have two celebrations/receptions all you want, but just play the ceremony video at the second. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but for me the point of going to a wedding is to actually see the couple get married. I'd rather see a video of the actual wedding ceremony than watch a fake re-enactment of it. I think a lot of folks feel the same way.

daria24 · July 2012

I don't think your friends/families' reactions will be any better to this idea. You will never please everyone. Have one wedding in the location that works best for you and your FI and invite your entire guest list, then have an informal party at the other location, as PP suggested.

If I got invited to a fake ceremony, I would be offended & decline. However, if I was invited to a nice party to socialize with the bride & groom and family, I would happily accept.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_this-is-nuts-two-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:224bd2a3-952e-464e-bf67-dfc793c9d899Post:95083a4c-0927-444a-8232-f025f6f3880e">Re: This is NUTS... two weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice is not to have to two weddings. One will be fake and pointless. It'll be play-acting getting married and I wouldn't really want to attend such a farce. I'd get married where you want and bring a videographer. Have a large party in the other location and show the wedding video to those who want to see it.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This. DH and I have family and friends scattered all ove the country and neither of us lives anywhere close to where we grew up. We had our wedding where we live now.

Lisa50 · July 2012

Yikes! I understand your frustrationg, but ... Don't do it. Don't have two weddings. Too much confusion. Too much expense. Too much potential for tension and headache. Honestly, there will be someone for whom you make such an accommodation who will not show at the last minute.

So ... get back to planning the wedding the two of you want. First, promise yourselves you will not post anything else about the wedding on Facebook. Not a word.

Next, you and FI focus on the most important people you want in attendance and try to pick a date with them in mind (either far enough in advance that they don't have anything planned already OR pre-clear dates). Next comes the location. Keep in mind this is YOUR wedding (the two of you) and, if you do it right, once is definitely enough.

Welcome to the world of having people butt into your lives in a way they have no business. You need to learn how to roll with it. Just wait until someone decides they have a better name for your kid(s) than you do. Take deep breaths.

I wish you the very best! Good luck.

anchoredtoadam · July 2012

Thank you everyone! I think the decision to have two weddings came from the excessive amount of stress we both had been feeling. My fiance & I have gone down the list of many different locations & every time I would bring them up to anyone, close or not, they would get turned down like our wedding location wasn't good enough. I think it just got to the point where we had had it with everyones negativity. I definitely think you all are right & we definitely shouldn't do two weddings. The idea sounded good at the time but now that I have had time to cool off, it does sound rather tacky to me. I think in the end, less people will show up regardless of where we have it because it is starting to become apparent that no one is really wanting to fly regardless of how scattered everyone is.

I think the whole videographer idea is a good one. I had not thought about getting one until now. And I think we might end up doing a big party instead of a second wedding.

Thanks again everyone. I definitely appreciate the advice!

This is NUTS... two weddings?

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