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Can you give me some advice? White girl marrying a Hispanic :)

perkins81perkins81
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in Latino Weddings
I posted this on the NM board, but also wanted to post here to get more feedback:

I just moved to Las Cruces, NM to be with my boyfriend/FI (we're not engaged yet, but plan to be soon) and I was wondering what kind of wedding traditions should I be prepared for in this area? I come from a caucasian family and have lived in the midwest and also in the southeast, but never the southwest. My boyfriend's family is hispanic. Most speak English fluently, but some don't, and most are bilingual.

Last week, he and I attended a friend of the family's 50 yr wedding anniversary, where they re-said their vows and had a big reception. On each table was a pile of "Mexican wedding cookies" or something like that which I'd never heard of or seen. My boyfriend's mom explained it was a tradition in this area and that we should do it at our wedding. This got me thinking - what other kind of traditions should I be aware of???? I want our wedding to be a balance of cultures and not just about his side of the family (which he is totally ok with) but I also don't want to offend his mom or other family members. If I know what's coming, I can be prepared Wink
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Re: Can you give me some advice? White girl marrying a Hispanic :)

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    MsSunshineMsSunshine
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    The best thing to do is talk to his family. Ask them what other traditions do they have? What denomination is he? I know its tradition for hispanic catholics to use the lasso and arraz. How about incorporating something from your heritage? I love the mexican cookies idea.
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    perkins81perkins81
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    edited December 2011
    thx!
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    MrsRiveraToBeMrsRiveraToBe
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    edited December 2011
    I'm in your shoes right now.  My fiance from Puerto Rico, and I'm a midwesterner who comes from a strong Polish background.  We are getting married in Puerto Rico so more of his family could celebrate with us.

    As for the ceremony, we are both catholic, so we are including the prayer to Mary (from both traditions), the unity candle (more from my side) and the arras (his side).  There are so many traditions (lasso, sand ceremony which is pretty much the same as the unity candle) that we had to cut back or else our ceremony would last forever!

    As for the language, most of his family understands a little bit of English here and there but not many of them speak English.  On my side, hardly anyone speaks Spanish or understands it.  Therefore, we are having one reading in English, one reading in Spanish, the Gospel will be read in Spanish, and the priest will say his homily in English.  If allowed, we will write our own vows, and as a surprise, I will say mine in Spanish, especially since I told my fiance he has to say his in English so I know what he's saying.

    We had to compromise on the events of the reception because in the PR tradition, they play a waltz where each couple (guests) comes up in pairs and dances part of the waltz with the couple, while on my side, Polish men used to try to break plates with big coins in order to "pay" to dance with the bride.  This has since been modernized into the "dollar dance" where guests pin money on the bride and groom in order to dance with them.  Since the wedding is in PR, we get to do the Polish tradtition for this one.

    For the music, we will be catering to everyone and playing music that spans decades and cultures.  On my wedding website, I've included a place on the RSVP page for guests to request songs.  This will help us keep the music interesting for everyone.  I'm also working on uploading "how-to" videos for salsa and merengue on my website to help prepare the American guests for a night of partying.

    I hope this helps.  It truly hasn't been too hard incorporating both cultures.  The most important thing is to sit down with your fiance and figure out what is most important to each of you and try to meet in the middle on other things.  Let me know if there's anything other way I can help.

    -Jennifer
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    fam6fam6
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would say open communication is going to be key!!  I would ask what traditions they have and then ask which ones are most important to them, you can't do everything from both families or you will start to get overwhelmed!  Then also I would say look at what you and FI like best and what you want to include, yes, it is important to respect both families, but ultimately it is your wedding!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    my FI is from Las Cruces!  he moved here to go to school and he's staying now.  small world!

    we are having the mexican wedding cookies at our wedding, and tres leches cake.  i can chat with you about other traditions and stuff if you'd like.
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    MiamiWeddingProMiamiWeddingPro
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi Ladies!

    This is very easy; I am no only a wedding planner but also a Venezuelan born guy and raised. Do not panic and just learn from watching the families...the Latin American community has a huge array of customs and traditions that differ from country to country; what I can tell you is that we love to party and the events are VERY emotional.

    Go with the flow and ask questions you may be surprised to find out there wont be much to be chnaged form a traditional all american wedding.

    E-mail me with questions: jchirinos@jgabrielevents.com
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    carolinec1210carolinec1210 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm also white marrying a Hispanic man.  I have found that his sister and other young married couples in his family have been my biggest resource.  I know my fiance (and most men) don't know all that much about weddings!  Also, are you getting married in a Catholic church?  We are, and I hired a wedding director through the church.  She knows all the customs and traditions, and is a big help.

    As for mixing cultures, we have a bi-lingual priest, so our ceremony will be in English and Spanish.  I am saying my vows in Spanish and he is saying his in English, as a way of blending our families and cultures.  We're also having latin music during dinner at our reception and an American band after dinner.  My finace's family owns a Mexican restaurant, and I am having them cater the reception.  There are lots of little ways you can blend the cultures so it doesn't seem one-sided.  Hope this helps!

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    perkins81perkins81
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thx! We actually both attend a Protestant church and will probably get married there with our pastor (and my dad and brother are both pastors too! lol). As for the Spanish - I'll have to remember that idea. I think most of his family speaks English pretty fluently so we can probably just stick with English, but it would be nice to add some Spanish too just to acknowledge his family's first language. (And our pastor speak Spanish as well as English, so this could work out well).  Thx for the tips!.
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    Dizzyliz212Dizzyliz212 member
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    edited December 2011
    OMG im totally in the same boat.... were not officially engaged yet but plan on it and hes from Puerto Rico..... didnt even think about the latino side lol (wow that sounded really selfish lol) ok well looks like hes going to HAVE to be a part of planning as much as he doesnt want to be so he can help me incorporate some of his families traditions lol
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    sklebbasklebba
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm having the same issues.  I'm a midwest polish girl marrying a guy from puerto rico.  My biggest issue is I haven't decided on a "theme" persay for the wedding to help direct me in picking out things such as centerpieces and things such as that....I know that there is this "blended culture" idea but i wanted it to be able to tie together as well.  I also worry that latin/midwest theme is just too broad to handle.  One idea I thought of was "love in different languages" where the tables could be labeled with things such as "amor, love, te quiero, adoro, adore, care... etc".  But i would appreciate any other ideas!

    So far we have these in mind:  
    We have decided to do some of the ceremony in English and Spanish.  We are doing the vows in both languages (repeating) so that both parents get to hear the full vows in their native language and the lazzo.  Also dj is willing to play music from both cultures as long as we provide a CD of what they want.  I was trying also think of favors that we could do from both sides of the family, i'd like a traditional desert if possible.  Other ideas?

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