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Shower help for small wedding!

epicurekimepicurekim member
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in Second Weddings
We are having a small wedding, my 2 daughters (20, 16) and BFF are standing with me, my son (12) FI BFF and brother are standing with him, there will be approx 18 others at the wedding, and my MOH wants to have a shower for me.  Is it ok for her to invite friends, family that are not invited to the wedding due to budget and space constraints. FMIL is having a fit, saying it's just a gift grab!  What do I do?? Tell MOH not to bother with a shower, tell FMIL it's happening anyway or just elope! lol
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Re: Shower help for small wedding!

  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    To be on the safe side, it's best to only invite those that are invited to the wedding to any pre-wedding party.

    HTH

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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    It is really not appropriate to invite people to a shower who are not invited to the wedding.  It will look gift-grabby.

    The one possible exception is if a group of work colleagues, all of whom are not invited to the wedding, decide to host and attend a work shower.  ~Donna

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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone, and especially with Donna's idea regarding work friends.

    When I had my second child (daughter) 16 years ago, even though I'd already had a child, my work friends threw me a great shower, because my first child was a boy, and 7 years older.

    An alternative to a shower would be to have a housewarming at some point after the wedding. It sounds as though you are having a small wedding due to budget, but if you (and MOH) believe there are people who would want to share in your joy, and perhaps meet your spouse, then it might be reasonable to have a house warming so they can all meet him (and vice versa for his friends and family). You could leave your wedding album out for them to see, etc. This might STILL look a bit "gift grabby", but has less etiquette tied to it than a shower does IMO.
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  • rapunnzzllrapunnzzll
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the pp.  I like the idea of doing the housewarming afterwards, or whatever you may wish to call it.
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  • mswood1977mswood1977 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I personallly don't think you should invite people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding. 

    I also had a very small wedding, with about 35 guest.  We had a very small co-ed shower with 10 - 12 people, that didn't even includue everyone on the wedding invite list because many of them lived to far away to come for the shower and then return a few weeks later for the wedding.
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