i will be a happy bride

cathywenjun · April 2012

it's accidental that i find this website. as i'm going to be married soon, i think this is definately a valuable website to get information and share my happiness.

although it's really complicated to have a wedding ceremony, i look forward it.
and there is still a long time for me to prepare. i 'm glad to know here and i hope i can spread my happiness and get some great ideas for my wedding.

cathywenjun · April 2012

The Catholic Church has a long history of helping couples to prepare for marriage. It has learned a great deal that can benefit any couple, regardless of religion.

Most importantly at the time of your engagement, the Church welcomes you to this sacrament of Marriage in the spirit of Jesus who said:

This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:12-13)

cathywenjun · April 2012

Because the Catholic Church wants couples to form strong, lasting marriages, couples who wish to marry in the Catholic Church are asked to:

Contact and meet with your parish priest as soon as you are engaged.

Take at least six months to intensively prepare for your marriage. This goes beyond choosing a date and church, reserving a place for the reception, and picking out dresses. It means using this time to delve more deeply into your relationship and approach this momentous day with prayer and reflection.

Attend an approved marriage preparation program. There are many different formats for marriage preparation programs ranging from intensive weekends, to a weekly series, to “in home” mentor couple programs.

Check out the most common national programs.

To find what programs are available near you contact your diocesan family life office.

Catholic marriage preparation programs are usually presented by a team of lay married couples and a priest or deacon. They are not restricted to Catholics, but they are always in keeping with Church teaching.

Most dioceses ask couples to take a marriage preparation inventory (such as FOCCUS, PMI, or PREPARE). These are not “tests” to determine whether you can get married in the Church, but rather discussion starters to assess what issues you already agree on and what you might need to discuss further.

Many parishes offer Mentor Couple Programs in which a trained married couple meets with you in their home to discuss common marriage issues. Sometimes the Mentor Couple will also administer the marriage preparation inventory and follow up on it with you.

cathywenjun · April 2012

Marriage does matter. After all, we’re all in this together. As members of society, we count on each other every day to keep our commitments. We feel more secure when we can depend on others.

Although marriage has changed a great deal (see A Snapshot of Marriage in the U.S.), the benefits of marriage endure. Social science research confirms that marriage is an important social good that brings a wide range of positive outcomes for adults and children alike. Read more about these benefits of marriage:

On average, married people are better off financially.
Marriage is associated with better health, sex and safety for men and women.
Children do better when they live with their own two married parents.

cathywenjun · April 2012

April 26, 2012

Arizona’s 2010 immigration law will impede the goal of promoting family unity, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops holds in a friend-of-the-court brief filed in the case challenging the law now before the U.S. Supreme Court.

The law also poses a threat to religious liberty, the brief said.

The USCCB was joined in the brief by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Service and the stated clerk of the general assembly of the Presbyterian Church.

Religious liberty is a concern for the Catholic Church in this case because its faith “requires it to offer charity — ranging from soup kitchens to homeless shelters — to all in need, whether they are present in this country legally or not,” the brief observed.

However, it said state laws like Arizona’s “have provisions that could either criminalize this charity, criminalize those who provide or even permit it, or require the institutions that provide it to engage in costly (if not impossible) monitoring of the individuals they serve and then to exclude from that charity all those whose presence Arizona and other states would criminalize.”

The brief noted that in 2010 alone, Catholic Charities assisted more than 10 million people in the United States. “That assistance ranged from operating soup kitchens to offering pregnancy and adoption counseling, to providing temporary shelters and transitional housing,” it said.

Family Unity, Human Dignity

Immigration laws modeled on the one in Arizona now are found in a half-dozen other U.S states. The brief said that “a patchwork set of state” regulations similar to those approved in Arizona “would seriously threaten the Catholic Church’s mission to serve all in need.”

If these laws are “allowed to stand,” they “would burden the religious liberty of Catholic institutions in many ways that the federal regime does not,” the brief said. The religious organizations that joined in filing it “all have strong interests in ensuring that state immigration laws do not undermine certain goals” of federal legislation, it commented.

At the same time, the brief noted that the U.S. Catholic bishops repeatedly have “testified before Congress on immigration law and policy, and have been outspoken critics of certain provisions of current federal immigration laws which are inconsistent with many church teachings.”

However, it said Arizona’s law “is not a proper solution to the current problems in federal law. To the contrary, such state action actually causes more problems than it solves.”

The USCCB said it was “compelled” for two reasons to file this brief supporting the federal government’s case against Arizona’s law:

– “First, the conference has a strong interest in ensuring that courts adhere to two important goals of federal immigration law — the promotion of family unity and the protection of human dignity.”

But the provisions of Arizona’s law “at issue in this case would hinder these critical federal objectives by replacing them with the single goal of reducing the number of undocumented immigrants in Arizona at all costs,” which the conference described as “flatly inconsistent with this country’s longstanding, holistic approach to immigration policy.”

– “Second, and more generally, the conference is acutely interested in protecting the religious liberty of Catholic and other religious institutions.”

Family unity “represents the cornerstone of federal immigration policy,” according to the brief. It pointed out, for example, that federal law “grants the largest number of annual visas to family members of U.S. citizens and lawful permanent residents, and gives the attorney general discretion to waive bars on admission out of ‘family unity’ concerns.”

The brief said “federal immigration law seeks to keep parents and their children together.” Also, for example, the federal government “gives preferential consideration to family ties in its enforcement” of general deportation provisions.

“The idea that federal law should promote family unity is hardly limited to immigration but instead reverberates throughout our laws,” the brief observed. It expressed concern about the “devastating impacts on families of harsh immigration enforcement.”

It also pointed out that “according to church teaching, families have a number of natural rights, including ‘the right to exist and to progress as a family, and the right to a societal structure that allows them ‘to live together.’”

Balance of Competing Interests

The case of “Arizona v. United States” asks the nation’s high court to rule on the constitutionality of several key provisions in the state’s law.

For example, the law requires law enforcement officers to verify the immigration status of every individual stopped, arrested or detained if there is “reasonable suspicion” that person could be in the country without authorization. The law makes it a crime for an immigrant not to carry an “alien registration document.”

Immigration law on the federal level “represents a comprehensive balance of competing interests,” the brief stated. Thus, it said the law “seeks to balance the removal of undocumented immigrants from this country against competing objectives, including concerns for family unity and human dignity.”

In the current case, the federal government “has explained in detail how” the provisions of Arizona’s law at issue “would skew immigration policy judgments made at the federal level by implementing one objective (the attrition of undocumented immigrants) at the cost of all others,” the brief said. It added:

“That these state provisions would eviscerate two central principles behind the federal government’s immigration policy, family unity and human dignity, underscores the point.”

cathywenjun · April 2012

April 13, 2012

“Each family has its own way of the cross, marked by sickness, death, financial troubles, poverty, betrayal, wrongdoing, clashes with relatives, natural disasters,” the thousands of participants in the April 6 annual, late-night Way of the Cross at Rome’s historic Colosseum heard in a series of meditations related to the lives of married couples and families.

At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Danilo and Annamaria Zanzucchi, an Italian couple married 59 years, composed this year’s meditations for the 14 Stations of the Cross. The Zanzucchis have five children and are grandparents of 12.

The couple “wanted to make sure that these texts bore the mark of a lived Christian experience and, at the same time, reflected our understanding of the Passion as it has developed through years of contact with thousands of couples.”

“Even in families, at the most difficult times when momentous decisions must be made, if peace dwells in our hearts, if we heed and understand what God desires for us, then a light shines upon us, helping us to see matters clearly and to carry our cross,” the Zanzucchis wrote in a meditation for the fifth station of the cross, when Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus carry his cross.

Viewing Jesus’ experience of his death as a gift “for me, for us, for our families, for each person, for every family, for all peoples and for the entire human race,” a meditation for the 12th station addressed Jesus on the cross directly, saying:

“Only by looking to you, only in union with you, can we face tragedies, innocent suffering, humiliation, abuse and death.”

Pope Benedict XVI presided at Rome’s Way of the Cross. In remarks at its conclusion, he called the cross a source of “courage and strength” for families in the face of trouble and pain. “The mystery of Christ’s suffering, death and resurrection inspires us to go on in hope,” he said.

All people everywhere, and “the family too,” are touched by the experience of suffering and of the cross,” Pope Benedict observed. He said:

“How often does the journey become wearisome and difficult! Misunderstandings, conflicts, worry for the future of our children, sickness and problems of every kind. These days too, the situation of many families is made worse by the threat of unemployment and other negative effects of the economic crisis.”

Meanings of the Cross

The Zanzucchis are members of the Focolare Movement and cofounded its New Families Movement. Among its ministries to families, the New Families initiative extends care to couples in crisis.

Perhaps the following meditation, written for the first station, reflected that Focolare concern:

“More than a few of our families suffer because of betrayal by a spouse, the person we hold dearest. Whatever became of the joy of being close, of living in unison? What happened to the sense of being completely one?”

The cross of Jesus was viewed in the 2012 meditations not only as a gift and source of courage, but an event to learn from and a model for the followers of Jesus.

Participants were invited at the outset to “enter once more into Jesus’ final experience on earth, … one in which Jesus distilled the most precious lessons of his life and teaching.” The Zanzucchis wrote that “in this way we can learn to live our own lives fully, on the model of his own.”

The cross also was viewed in the meditations as a:

– Stimulus to serve others: “Often we live lives anesthetized by prosperity, without making a strenuous effort to rise or to help humanity to rise,” said a meditation for the ninth station, when Jesus falls a third time. It added, “Our families are also a part of this threadbare fabric, tied to a life of ease which becomes the goal of life itself.”

– Call to respect life: Jesus is stripped of his garments in order “to humiliate him, to reduce him to nothing,” a meditation for the 10th station stated. “Jesus, who let himself be exposed in this way … reminds us of the grandeur of the human person and the dignity which God gives” to all.

– Invitation to conversion: What Jesus wants from those who feel sorrow at his death is “not simply pity, but heartfelt conversion, a conversion which acknowledges past failures, seeks forgiveness and begins a new life,” commented a meditation for the eighth station.

Love: Suffering Transformed

The meditations cautioned against adding to the pain of the cross. Again addressing Jesus, a meditation for the second station said:

“We who are spouses and our families have also added cruelly to the burden you must bear: when we failed to love one another, when we blamed one another, when we refused to forgive one another, when we did not begin anew to love one another.”

Pride is a problem in such situations, the meditation continued. For, “we want to be always right, we demean those close to us, even those who have united their lives to our own.”

On Calvary, Jesus embodied “all of us” and “taught us to love,” said a meditation for the 11th station, where Jesus is nailed to the cross. In gazing at Jesus on the cross, “families, husbands and wives, parents and children, gradually learn to love one another,” it added.

They learn, moreover, to cultivate around themselves an “openness which generously gives and gratefully receives – an openness capable of suffering and of transforming suffering into love.”

cathywenjun · April 2012

How much does it cost to get married in the Catholic Church?

Actually, nothing. Sacraments are not for sale. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (#2121) makes clear that the First Commandment forbids simony, which is the buying or selling of sacred things.

It’s appropriate, however, for the bride and groom to share their joy and, in generosity, to contribute to the support of the Church and its ministers. The donations and stipends associated with a wedding fall into three categories:

(1) Donation to the church. Traditionally, the couple makes a donation to the church in which they are married. Sometimes an amount—or a range—is suggested, but often it’s left to the discretion of the couple. If the bride or groom or both are registered parishioners, the suggested amount may be minimal, or none. The assumption is that they are already supporting the parish with their regular financial contributions.

Some couples marry in a historic chapel or church. Keep in mind that wedding donations can be an important source of support for older buildings.

Couples should ask about the suggested donation if it is not specified in the written marriage policy. A helpful rule of thumb is to consider the donation in relation to the total amount spent on the wedding. In no case, however, should financial circumstances prevent a couple from approaching the Church for marriage.

(2) Music ministers and others. In addition to an organist, weddings may feature instrumentalists, a cantor and other singers. Musicians’ fees are often explained in the parish’s marriage policy, or they can be discussed when the couple meets with the music director.

If the celebration includes a Mass, altar servers should be given a small offering.

(3) Celebrant’s stipend. The services of the priest or deacon are free, but it is customary to offer a stipend. Usually, no specific amount is suggested. Couples may want to consider not only the time devoted to the rehearsal and wedding, but also the effort put into the marriage preparation process.

A final note

Donations and stipends should be placed in clearly marked envelopes and given to the intended recipient. Celebrants are not usually expected to distribute the stipends.

Some parishes require that certain fees be paid in advance, for example, a deposit to confirm the date, or the musician’s fee. Any remaining donations and stipends should be taken care of prior to the wedding day.

cathywenjun · April 2012

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. A third form, also outside Mass, is usually celebrated when a Catholic marries someone who is not baptized. The second and third forms are structured around the celebration of the Liturgy of the Word.

The couple chooses one of these options based on their particular circumstances in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness the marriage vows. When a deacon leads the liturgy, which is increasingly common, the wedding is celebrated outside of Mass even when two Catholics marry

cathywenjun · April 2012

1. Avoid the High Season

In case you haven't noticed, the majority of weddings take place from May through October. So you could save across the board on limos, photographers and caterers, etc., by getting married during one of the quieter months, such as January or March, says Carley Roney, editor-in-chief of TheKnot.com, a Web site focused on weddings.

2. Daylight Savings

Wedding consultants all agree: Reception halls charge the highest fees for 7 p.m. on Saturday night. Any other time is guaranteed to be a bargain. "I always encourage brides to consider Sunday brunch," says Mimi Doke, owner of The Wedding Specialist in Arizona. "Or, if late-night drinking is important, then go for Friday evening."

3. Bond With Other Brides

Doke also suggests her clients network with other brides to divvy up the decorating costs at catering halls. "Talk to the bride who is getting married immediately before or after to see if you have similar ideas for decorations," she says. "If so, you might be able to split the cost." Experts say reception halls usually recycle the decorations, but charge every bride for them anyway.

4. Cut the Cake

Another unnecessary reception budget-breaker: overloading on sweets. "People really overspend on desserts," says Marcia French of Stardust Celebrations in Dallas. "They'll get a three-tiered bridal cake, plus a chocolate one for the groom, and have a full tray of desserts at the reception." She points out that after a long evening of eating, drinking and dancing, many guests will forego dessert altogether. For smaller weddings, she recommends using a faux bottom for the lower two tiers of the bridal cake: "It will look good for the pictures, and that's really what matters," she says.

And for bigger weddings, here's another trick: Choose a smaller version of your dream wedding cake and then get sheet cake (in the same flavor as the wedding cake) that can be cut in back and served to guests. They'll never notice!

5. Greens Are Good

And how many of the guests know what kind of flowers are in season at any given time of year? "Stay with what's in season, use more greens and fewer blooms," advises Carol Koch Waldmann, a wedding consultant in Natick, Mass. "No one will ever notice." Roses are always available, but brides should steer clear of floral-intensive holidays such as Mother's Day, when high demand will drive up costs. Another flower tip from Regina Tate of Regina's in Nederland, Texas: Don't feel the need to adorn the church with fresh flowers for the ceremony. "People expect churches to be less ornate, and they'll spend a lot more time at the reception," she says.

6. Dress Down the Gown

Assuming that no one at the wedding will be checking out the tags on your bridal gown, the dress can be another good place to economize. Tate says that cheaper fabrics are almost always available for every dress design, and that using a lower-end satin can cut the cost by almost two-thirds. Sample sales and outlet stores are other good bets, and remember, the gown doesn't need to fit like a glove right away: having a too-large dress fitted will still be cheaper than buying one that's custom-made. For those who favor less complicated designs, consider using this trick from Erin Smith, a bride-to-be in Boston. "I went to a bridal shop and picked out one of their bridesmaid dresses, ordered it in white, and voila simple wedding dress," she says.

7. Do Yourself a Favor

According to Markel, the average number of wedding guests is 157, which means that overspending on seemingly inexpensive items such as invites and party favors can add up to a big hit on your checkbook. "If you use candy kisses in the favor instead of truffles, you'll save about $3 per bag," French says. Other experts recommend letting place cards double as favors, or incorporating the favors into a creative table centerpiece of chocolates or candles. One bride French knows used assortments of giant, colorful seashells for her centerpieces; guests loved it. Ann Rinke put a small bowl filled with smooth rocks and a live goldfish on each table when she got married last November. The guests were given plastic bags to take the fish home.

8. Save a Tree

Waldmann, who estimates that most brides end up overshooting their initial budget by about 15%, encourages her clients to think twice before spending hundreds of dollars on a seven-piece hand-engraved invite. The invitation liner is completely unnecessary, she says, as are separate enclosure cards. Keeping it to a single sheet, she notes, saves on the costs of both paper and postage.

Of course, talk to wedding consultants, and you'll hear that the No. 1 must-do savings tip is...hire a wedding consultant. In theory, the consultant will do all the legwork for you, shop around for the best bargains, and use their network of vendors to get insider deals. But with some of these pros charging up to 15% of the total wedding budget, we'll leave you to determine if that's a cost-cutting move you want to make.

cathywenjun · April 2012

Getting married can be cheap. Think drive-thru chapels or visits to town hall. Weddings, on the other hand, are expensive.

Families spent, on average, almost $27,000 per wedding in 2010 according to The Knot. And with most couples waiting to marry and three quarters of marriage partners living together first, many celebrants are paying at least part of that bill. Another reason they're pitching in, mom and dad may have far less saved coming out of the recession.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when paying for a wedding.
hare the expenses with friends and family. Once upon a time it fell to the parents of the bride -- not anymore. Weddings are family occasions -- for at least two families. Why not spread the draining of wealth?

The couple steps up. The average age for a bride climbed to 29 in 2010 from 28 in 2009 and the average age for a groom to 31, from 30, according to The Knot. Almost a decade out of college and even more from high school, most couples are ready, willing and able to contribute to their own celebration.
Cash is king. Encourage friends and relatives to give cash gifts. It's more common on the coasts but a few hints about the frugal couple may persuade the more gift-minded to write a check rather than wrap another cheeseboard. Non-cash gestures, like hosting a party, providing flowers, or loaning a vacation house, are as good as cash in your book.

Spend less on the big day. It's not as hard as you think. The number one way to save is simple: cut the guest list. You'll still want a dress, flowers and food, but one fewer table is hardly noticeable except on the bill.

Get away. Oddly enough, destination weddings are a great way to cut costs and mix in a great honeymoon as well. Celebrating in your hometown or where one or both of the celebrants grew up is a sure fire way to keep adding more quests. Go out of town.
Bargain with you vendors. Caterers, florists and venues survive on weddings and starve when nuptials aren't in the air. They're more likely to charge less for weekday and off season -- think winter in most locales -- weddings. A tool like the Knot Wedding Budgeter lets you estimate and track wedding expenses.

Pay with cash. No one wants to jump into holy matrimony with an unholy amount of debt. It sounds basic but pay for as much as you can with cash--even if it means delaying the wedding.

Work for it. Get an extra job or work overtime to save more. A lot of brides sell Avon and other products for extra cash.
Live together to save. Three quarters of American couples now do, according to The Knot survey. Engagements also have gotten longer to give couples more time to save and plan.
Borrow smart. Do it sparingly and carefully.Home equity lines of credit are much more difficult to get these days because lenders want consumers to retain at least 20% of the equity in their home even after the loan. But is your wedding really worth your home? And, if you must make up the gap with credit cards, use ones with low interest rates and lots of mileage points that could be used for the honeymoon.

What not to do when paying for a wedding.

Don't go into debt. It's easy to get carried away with so many things to buy but no one wants to start married life with marital debts.
Don't stray from the budget. Use one of the many online calculators to track your money and determine how much you'll spend on each category. If you blow the budget on the dress, there won't be any money left for cake.
Don't shun compromise. You want your wedding to be special but that doesn't mean that you can't substitute peonies for roses.