HELP!!!!! MoH change!

leannep86 · January 2010

I have started my wedding party, and asked my one friend to be the Maid of Honour already, and my one cousin to be a bridesmaid. I have finally started planning my wedding while in school and my MoH is constantly talking down to me and telling me what to do and I'm getting really sick of her! What do I do? Do I switch it and ask my cousin to be the MoH and how do I tell my current MoH that I've changed my mind without completely destroying our friendship? I am going to talk to my mother about it right now, but I want your input too!

Thanks!

Leanne

mbcdefg · January 2010

Leave it alone. Booting the current MOH down will be viewed as a bridezilla move and it will cause you nothing but headache.

If she gives unwanted opinions, smile and thank her, and then say something non-committal like, "Thanks, I'll think about it" or "We already signed the contract for something else, but thanks anyway." Then change the subject or politely end the conversation.

If you feel that she's talking down to you, just say something like, "It really hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that. I value your opinions, but please remember that this is my wedding and FI and I really want to do it our way."

Also, don't do any of this via e-mail or text message. Always say things like this in person or at least over the phone. E-mails and texts can be easily misunderstood, or forwarded to others at the blink of an eye.

And if you're 18 months out, there is absolutely NO need for your bridesmaids to be involved in planning this early. Avoid wedding talk with anyone who turns it into an argument or a headache. You also risk giving even helpful, friendly bridesmaids wedding burnout if you get them involved a year and a half out. Wait until about the six-month mark and then start talking dresses with them.

mbcdefg · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:81a007eb-1ac9-4827-9a9c-7fe73029f8dbPost:0d54b571-fcba-4c78-a1aa-5931fb9fa807">HELP!!!!! MoH change!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have started my wedding party, and asked my one friend to be the Maid of Honour already, and my one cousin to be a bridesmaid. I have finally started planning my wedding while in school and my MoH is constantly talking down to me and telling me what to do and I'm getting really sick of her! What do I do? Do I switch it and ask my cousin to be the MoH and how do I tell my current MoH that I've changed my mind without completely destroying our friendship? I am going to talk to my mother about it right now, but I want your input too! Thanks! Leanne
Posted by leannep86[/QUOTE]

banana468 · January 2010

I think you need to hold off on any wedding discussion outside anything you and your FI discuss until you're under a year away.

For now, your're running the risk of "weddinging out" your MOH and BM.

And in the meantime, don't worry about their "roles". Just focus on your relationships with them.

japow1984 · January 2010

Listen to these ladies! They are right. I started doing all this stuff at about 18 months out too. Deposits, bridal party, the whole nine yards. It's a huge regret now and like the previous posters said, you WILL get burnt out. It's going to happen. It happened to me big time. Now that I'm at the year mark, it's getting fun again, just wait to do all of this stuff. I wish I would have seen this board at 18 months out. I mostly just read this board, but it's a great one to get advice from about stuff like this. Take the advice, these ladies know their stuff.

stina93446 · January 2010

Wow, 18 months out?! Just stop talking wedding with either of them for another 10 months. Worry about this then.

SocialWorker2B · January 2010

Are you talking to your MOH about the wedding? If so, stop.

If not and she's still being this way, than you have a friend problem, not a MOH problem. Of course, this is a worse problem to have.

Was she like this before? If so, than you have to decide if you still want to be friends with someone like that. If you do, than the other ladies gave you great advice on what to say. If you don't, then easy peasy. Dump her.

If she wasn't like this before, examine whether or not you really are talking about the wedding. You may say you aren't but maybe you are. If she suddenly changed, maybe ask her if anything is wrong and say that you have noticed an abrupt personality change and want to help. Then listen, really listen to what she has to say.

Definitely do not talk about the wedding, except your FI and possibly your mom, to anyone except if they bring it up. Even then keep it brief unless you know they are really interested. For instance, I talk about my BFF's wedding a lot but that is because I am sincerely interested. Wedding planning - it's not for everyone. :-)

GL! Unless you want to end the friendship, there's really no way to kick her out of the WP.

leannep86 · January 2010

Thanks to all your replies, I won't be checking this post again, I know what I'm going to do. Best wishes to all of you.

Leanne

bablingbrooke · January 2010

What did you decide to do?

jadergator · January 2010

My sister-in-law is getting married, and her MOH has ducked out of every planning thing that has happened. We went dress shopping, and she spent 10 minutes, said ok to the dress and booked it to go have lunch with her mom-she knew about the day for over a month. Also, she doesn't return my SIL's phone calls. She actually called me and asked me to be her MOH! (After her MOH told her she didn't think she was up for the position-at least she was honest!)

HELP!!!!! MoH change!

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