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Rhode Island

Favors Question

Hi!

I've never done a poll, but I think I've found a good use for it.  Are "donation" favors tacky?  It's just that I've been to TONS of weddings and I always have a little trinket or something at the end of the night that I have to keep track of and then feel bad when I throw it away (or it breaks or whatever) 6 months later.  Because of our/my dislike for useless junk, FI and I are thinking of donating to 2 organizations close to our hearts in honor of our guests (in lieu of favors).  We would give guests a card (with maybe a piece of candy) and a note letting them know.  .... but is this tacky?

Many of our guests are out of town and I want them to feel appreciated and loved (because they are!), but I don't want to give them one more thing to hang onto :).  Let me know your thoughts....

Thanks!!

Re: Favors Question

  • edited December 2011
    My Fiance and I decided to do a donation favors instead of traditional favors. The favors at weddings are alwasy so cheesy and half the guests leave theirs at the venue anyway. I think it brings in some personality as it shows your guests what your passonate about.
  • RoyalOrientRoyalOrient member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Donating to charity is a thoughtful and generous gesture. So I am unclear if you are asking guests to donate in lieu of gifts or if you and your Fiance will be accepting gifts and also want guests to donate to charity too. I think you can skip the favors if you want to but it doesn't seem acceptable to accept gifts and ask for donations as a "favor". The point of the favor is to show appreciation to the guests. If you want to go the charity route, I would suggest asking for donations in lieu of gifts not as favors.
  • edited December 2011
    Good call.  We were thinking of donating to charity ourselves in lieu of giving our guests favors.  ie, the $2/person we would spend on some trinket could be donated to charity instead.  Our guests would pay nothing.

    ... but I also like "please donate here in lieu of giving us gifts". .... something to consider :)
  • KBinRIKBinRI member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't vote because I needed an "other" choice, haha, but it's a pet peeve of mine when couples call a donation a favor because it's really not. It's a wedding trend I'm not a fan of. A favor is a small way to thank the people you love for going to a lot of trouble for you. As a guest, I dislike when people tell me they've donated to a cause that I may or may not support and say it's in my honor - especially when they announce it to guests at the wedding in a card or on a scroll at each setting. To me it always comes off as, "Look at us; we're socially conscious! Aren't we fabulous?" :-) 

    I'm not saying that's your intention, just how it comes off to me. I understand that you don't want to give your guests one more trinket, but what about an edible favor? We did jars of homemade blueberry jam that also served as our escort cards, as well as small boxes of Hershey kisses at each place setting, and not one was left behind. (In fact, several  guests asked if we had any extra jam!) We also made a donation in honor of our deceased relatives, including my mom, but we didn't tell anyone else about it. It's just something we wanted to do to remember those who couldn't be there with us that day.

    I think it's also fine to skip a favor altogether if you don't think your guests would appreciate it. 



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  • jmorta04jmorta04 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_favors-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:122Discussion:c90de7ed-18dd-4505-9459-fc80a908b72aPost:588d4f0a-3e42-4eab-ae8b-26803ae0e315">Re: Favors Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't vote because I needed an "other" choice, haha, but it's a pet peeve of mine when couples call a donation a favor because it's really not. It's a wedding trend I'm not a fan of. A favor is a small way to thank the people you love for going to a lot of trouble for you. As a guest, I dislike when people tell me they've donated to a cause that I may or may not support and say it's in my honor - especially when they announce it to guests at the wedding in a card or on a scroll at each setting. To me it always comes off as, "Look at us; we're socially conscious! Aren't we fabulous?" :-)  I'm not saying that's your intention, just how it comes off to me. I understand that you don't want to give your guests one more trinket, but what about an edible favor? We did jars of homemade blueberry jam that also served as our escort cards, as well as small boxes of Hershey kisses at each place setting, and not one was left behind. (In fact, several  guests asked if we had any extra jam!) We also made a donation in honor of our deceased relatives, including my mom, but we didn't tell anyone else about it. It's just something we wanted to do to remember those who couldn't be there with us that day. I think it's also fine to skip a favor altogether if you don't think your guests would appreciate it. 
    Posted by KBinRI[/QUOTE]
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  • i2012doi2012do member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_favors-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:c90de7ed-18dd-4505-9459-fc80a908b72aPost:588d4f0a-3e42-4eab-ae8b-26803ae0e315">Re: Favors Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't vote because I needed an "other" choice, haha, but it's a pet peeve of mine when<strong> couples call a donation a favor because it's really not</strong>. It's a wedding trend I'm not a fan of. A favor is a small way to thank the people you love for going to a lot of trouble for you. As a guest, I dislike when people tell me they've donated to a cause that I may or may not support and say it's in my honor - especially when they announce it to guests at the wedding in a card or on a scroll at each setting. To me it always comes off as, "Look at us; we're socially conscious! Aren't we fabulous?" :-)  I'm not saying that's your intention, just how it comes off to me. I understand that you don't want to give your guests one more trinket, but what about an edible favor? We did jars of homemade blueberry jam that also served as our escort cards, as well as small boxes of Hershey kisses at each place setting, and not one was left behind. (In fact, several  guests asked if we had any extra jam!) We also made a donation in honor of our deceased relatives, including my mom, but we didn't tell anyone else about it. It's just something we wanted to do to remember those who couldn't be there with us that day. I think it's also fine to skip a favor altogether if you don't think your guests would appreciate it. 
    Posted by KBinRI[/QUOTE]

    This, also. I agree. AT first, I considered a donation, but the more I thought about it---the more I decided against it. Just becuse YOU as a couple are interested in a certain charity doesn't mean your guests are. Also, depending on what you chose- it can be a highly controversal or political thing...
    Also, Not sure how many older guests you have, but really anyone past our generation will be thinking "hey, where's my FAVOR?"
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  • edited December 2011
    There are lots of different "donations" people can make. We ARE doing a donation in lieu of a favor, however, it's not a monetary donation to an organization. Instead, we are purchasing plastic rattles and board books and donating them to Hasbro Children's Hospital. I'm not sure who could be angry about not getting a favor after hearing that we put a portion of our budget towards something like this.

    We were going to send a donation to a cancer society. But it dawned on me that we don't know where or how that money will be used. So, why not give to a local children's hospital and brighten some little kid's day? The original idea for Hasbro was coloring books and crayons (playing on my artsy side, and giving the gift of creativity) but I spoke with an associate at the hospital and they actually prefer/need rattles/books more than crayons and coloring books.

    I still think we will give an edible favor (chocolate dipped pretzel rods) which would contain a tag with a message that we have donated these items to the hospital.
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  • KBinRIKBinRI member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_favors-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:c90de7ed-18dd-4505-9459-fc80a908b72aPost:a1a246ef-96ca-4e97-9a05-3504c750b914">Re: Favors Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are lots of different "donations" people can make. We ARE doing a donation in lieu of a favor, however, it's not a monetary donation to an organization. Instead, we are purchasing plastic rattles and board books and donating them to Hasbro Children's Hospital. I'm not sure who could be angry about not getting a favor after hearing that we put a portion of our budget towards something like this. We were going to send a donation to a cancer society. But it dawned on me that we don't know where or how that money will be used. So, why not give to a local children's hospital and brighten some little kid's day? The original idea for Hasbro was coloring books and crayons (playing on my artsy side, and giving the gift of creativity) but I spoke with an associate at the hospital and they actually prefer/need rattles/books more than crayons and coloring books. <strong>I still think we will give an edible favor (chocolate dipped pretzel rods) which would contain a tag with a message that we have donated these items to the hospital.
    </strong>Posted by DansBride52911[/QUOTE]

    I think it's great that you've decided to donate to Hasbro! Great idea, and to a place that might be overlooked among all of the nonprofits out there that are short of funding to do the things they want/need. I guess I just don't get why you'd tell your guests that you did it. You are already giving a favor (dipped pretzel rods, which sound really yummy, BTW) so why the need to mention the donation at all? I mean, I donate to charities all the time but it's not like I put it as my FB status or e-mail all of my friends and family that I did it. I don't want it to seem like I'm picking on you, just picking your brain and trying to understand the mindset.
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  • edited December 2011
    We're doing it becuase we know it will be very well received by everyone there. People might wonder "all we get are 2 pretzel rods?" We want them to know the extra money went towards something that will positively affect the lives of others.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think that if the charity you are donating to has special meaning it's more appreciated by your guests.  For instance, I had a friend donate to Komen for the Cure because her mother had passed away from breast cancer.  I will be donating to the Parkinson's Foundation in lieu of favors but we are giving each of our guests the tulip lapel pin which is the national symbol for Parkinsons awareness.  My grandfather passed away from it and in his will he so generously granted me the money to have my dream wedding. 
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with amylydia. If you're donating just for donation's sake, then it may not be as meaningful. However, if the donation has something to do with someone who has passed or someone who cannot attend your wedding due to medical reasons, then I think it's a great way to recognize them without doing something like a rose on the seat at the ceremony.

    We're doing donations in lieu of favors to two very specific groups - one related to my aunt and her passing several years ago and one to a society that has supported my fiance's uncle who has special needs.

    Personally, I appreciate donation favors like that more than a food item that I usually throw in my bag and forget about or a trinket that I won't use, will lose/break, or forget at the venue.

    Also, I think you can notify your guests of it by simply having 1-2 signs at the guestbook table or placecard table as opposed to having something at every seat.


  • RoyalOrientRoyalOrient member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
     If the donation is made for a cause close to the couple's heart than that's great but like someone mention above that is not a favor.  I went to a wedding where the couple asked for donations in lieu of gifts but gave each guest an edible favor. So why not do both? I love edible favors particularly this wedding because the favor was a delicious pasticho macaron like the French kind. I think it was the best of both worlds. I felt good about giving to a cause and I ate simply the most scrumptious sweet ever!
  • edited December 2011
    I guess I've just always felt that I don't need an actual favor as a guest. The couple has hosted me to a meal, drinks, entertainment, and good times while experiencing their day. Yes, I've bought them a gift and traveled to be there, but they spent a lot of money on each person at the wedding and being invited is an acknowledgment of their appreciation of our relationship.

    Very good friends of ours didn't even hand out a favor at all. Not one of our friends even noticed until the bride brought it up in conversation months later, so I suppose doing an actual favor depends on your guest list demographic.
  • i2012doi2012do member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_favors-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:c90de7ed-18dd-4505-9459-fc80a908b72aPost:12128f54-d1fd-4327-8713-12731dda86d0">Re: Favors Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I've just always felt that I don't need an actual favor as a guest. The couple has hosted me to a meal, drinks, entertainment, and good times while experiencing their day. Yes, I've bought them a gift and traveled to be there, but they spent a lot of money on each person at the wedding and being invited is an acknowledgment of their appreciation of our relationship. Very good friends of ours didn't even hand out a favor at all. Not one of our friends even noticed until the bride brought it up in conversation months later, so I suppose doing an actual favor depends on your guest list demographic.
    Posted by Jdolce[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this too. I really would prefer no favor, over a donation favor. There are certain places that I woldn't want my name associated with/ or I don't know where the money goes. Beyond that, I do think that giving a donation is a spectacular thing-- but again- I don't understand the need to tell everyone you donated. I guess if its in leiu of favors-- but maybe just don't give a favor at all.

    I honestly used to be head strong about giving a donation as a gift and over time this has changed, beause I have received a donation as a favor and I saw the reaction of guests...

    No favor at all is an option and Jdolce is right I bet no one will notice. Honestly, I notice "bad" favors (without sounding like too much of a jerk) more so than no favor. I once received 2 chocolate covered espresso beans as a favor- I thought it was so odd-because they were packed ina Huge clear box and I was like "did they forget to put something else in"... Certainly, they could ahve given NO favor instead.
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  • edited December 2011
    We are donating, we would rather have the $$$ to go something important ot us than to something most people will throw away, or feel guilty and not know what to do with it...there are some charities that will provide some sort of card that states "in lieu of donations...." that I think can be used as place cards....we have done some research but we have a specific charity already.

    As far as donations in lieu of gifts, or to have a %age of total amount spent on gifts purchased through your registry go to charity try:www.idofoundation.org

    Also, in line with this, check out www.bridalgarden.com or www.making memories.org to see about donating dresses. bridesmaid dresses and other wedding stuff.


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  • edited December 2011
    After reading everyone's posts, and that donations "aren't favors",  I guess my thought is, who says we have to have favors? We aren't skipping favors to be cheap, we're doing it because we think they're lame. 

    We are having a 4 course meal, having an open bar and a band, and sending out personal thank yous ... if they think I'm tacky for not giving them a cookie or whatever I'll get over it  :)

    I think it's a much needed reminder that we (Americans, humans?) don't need more CRAP, we need less.

    On that note, has anyone heard of giving seeds as favors? That's one thing that I think falls into the "green" or minimalistic approach....but would probably be left on the table.

    Also, after catering over 50 weddings in my life, there are ALWAYS a lot of favors left over!!!
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  • RoyalOrientRoyalOrient member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree that no favor is better than tacky favors. It is also perfectly acceptable not to have favors. I am also fine with giving a donation in lieu of wedding gifts to the couple whether that be an item off their registry or giving a monetary gift. But to have your guests make a donation to a charity or organization as a favor to the couple seems backwards. The favor should be shown as an appreciation to the guests. I guess it just depends on your crowd.

    There are also other ways to give back to your community whether that means cutting back on paper products, using recycle paper, buying your flowers from local growers, supporting small businesses and purchasing products that support a charity or organization. I made a conscious decision to do all of those things including donating my dress after the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_favors-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:122Discussion:c90de7ed-18dd-4505-9459-fc80a908b72aPost:c3823603-62bc-4ca9-8d54-221a80c797f4">Re: Favors Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]But to have your guests make a donation to a charity or organization as a favor to the couple seems backwards. The favor should be shown as an appreciation to the guests. I guess it just depends on your crowd.
    Posted by RoyalOrient[/QUOTE]

    I hate to harp on this topic, but I've never seen donations done in the way you describe above. Do people actually ask their guests to give money to a cause?

    Every wedding I've been to that involved donations were set up such that the couple made the donation to a charity prior to the wedding in the name of their guests. That's what we plan to do. I would never ask someone to make a donation to a charity of our choosing. We plan to choose the charities ahead of time and use the money we would have a spent on favors for the donations.
  • edited December 2011
    Its so nice to see such a civilized conversation about this. My husband and I also wanted to donate to a charity instead of favors but when I researched it I found many people had opinions similar to KBinRI although as politely as she put it.  Some girls are absolutely viscous about it on other boards. I always find this ironic since they usually claim its not good taste to give a donation on behalf of someone else... but I guess they consider it good taste to bash other people who might want to??
    In the end we did not end up doing a favor at all.  While as a guest I always appreciated the gesture of not wasting money on a bunch of junk and do like the new trend (I do not find it offensive at all), I did not want to run the risk that anyone  of my guests would feel the way KBinRI described, that perhaps I was imposing on their personal choices by making a donation on their behalf. 
    My husband and I decided instead to go to the Women's Shelter in our local community and present our gift privately.  It was a truly gratifying experience as the wonderful people who run the non-profit were so thankful.  We skipped the favor all together and I don't believe a single person missed it!
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