Please help!

Re: Please help!

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  mica178 member

  

  June 2010 edited December 2011

  Well, what do YOU want?  I know what your mother and yoru FI want, but what about you? 
  
  There are ways to compromise.  You could petition your church for a dispensation for a Catholic ceremony outside.  I've heard that some diocese are more lenient and allow these, although I've personally never seen one.  Or, some churches have larger grounds and will hold the wedding ceremony outdoors but still on church property (my church offered this to me but we had way too many guests to even consider it -- the outdoor "amphitheater" seated only about 40).  Perhaps there's a parish in your area that has a lake on its property (think about Catholic boarding schools, seminaries and retreats in your area).  Or, you could get married by a lake and then later on have a convalidation at your church.

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  Theresa626 member

  

  June 2010 edited December 2011

  Forget about your mom for right now. This is between you and your fiance.  

  First of all, what do YOU want?  If you forget about everyone else, what do YOU want?

  
  

  Second, this seems to be about way more than the location of the wedding.  What are the reasons your fiance is so set on the lake wedding?  Is he angry with the church or non religious?  Or does he just have a vision of beauty that he doesn't want to give up?  

  
  

  Third, do you two plan on going to church every week or at least sometimes?  Do you plan on raising your kids Catholic? On baptizing them?  Will the Catholic religion be important to you as a couple?  I ask this because if you answer yes to these questions, you need to give up the pretty wedding on a lake and have the Catholic wedding with all the guests.  I think you'll regret it if you don't.  If you two don't agree on the answers to these questions, I think you really need to talk about these questions first before you even discuss location of the wedding.  If you are very religious and your fiance is not, then one of you is going to have to make compromises.  So, you need to figure out who will make these compromises about all these things including the wedding ceremony now.  It will really boil down to who cares more.  

  
  

  If neither of you are religious and don't plan on raising kids Catholic then I think you should do what is right for YOU and not worry about your mom.  But, really think hard about whether you want to raise your kids Catholic because I'm pretty sure they'd give you a really hard time about baptizing your children if you hadn't been married in the Catholic church.  

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  Calypso1977 member

  

  June 2010 edited December 2011

  if you and your fiance dont care about receiving the sacrament and having your marriage recognized by teh catholic church, then you shouldnt do it to please parents or anyone else.

  
  

  theresa raises some good points about children, etc.  while some people often say they arent religious when they get married, quite often tehy suddenly feel a need to become religious and get back to their faithful roots once they have children.

  
  

  you coudl always have your reception on the lake with the wedding in the church, if you do decide to do the church wedding.

  
  

  you may be hard pressed to find someone willing to do a convalidation later simply because you wanted the pretty outdoor wedding.  you could try marrying quietly in teh church, then having  a "fake" wedding on the lake later, but many priests frown on this as the sacrament is meant to be the focus and should nto be done quietly so as to then have the fancy wedding at the location of choice.
  
  i think the first thing yoiu need to do is discuss religion and its role in your marriage wtih your fiance.  once you come to an agreemetn on that, these answers should become clear to you as far as how to proceed.
  

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  Karen's MOH

  

  June 2010 edited December 2011

  The previous posters have very good points on deciding what is most important to you, not your mother.
  
  However, there could still be compromises. I know the parish I am getting married in has a chapel with wide double doors that open up right to a beach with crashing waves. You could have a little bit of both with that (It's in Cape Cod, which isn't SO far from so parts of CT).
  
  Luckily, you still have a while before you need to book anything, so I think now is the time to really talk through it with your fiance.

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  Theresa626 member

  

  June 2010 edited December 2011

  Wow, Karen, your church sounds incredibly beautiful.  

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