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When Should I Ask?

Kimberly0402Kimberly0402 member
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in Moms and Maids
I am getting married in July 2012. I already know who I would like to ask to be my matron of honor and my bridesmaids. My best friend has no idea that I want her to be my Matron of Honor. She thinks it will be my friend that's I've known since I was a kid (who lives half way around the world). When do you think I should I ask? My mom and I are planning our weddings together (she is getting married 3 months after us and I will be her Matron of Honor) and because it's 2 weddings at the same time we were thinking of starting to look for dresses this summer. I will probably have my wedding dress by Labor Day.

I don't really know the ettiqutte with this. Thanks for your help!
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Re: When Should I Ask?

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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ask your BM about 9 months out.  Have them order their dresses about 3-4 months before your wedding.
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    bstentbstent member
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    edited December 2011
    Personally I think it depends on your relationships. A lot of people say to wait, and that does make sense if you read a lot of the posts on here about people wanting to kick bridesmaids out of the wedding. So if the friendships are relatively new or if you're not sure about people (for example if you have a friend who treats you great, but can be kind of nasty to other friends), then you should definitely wait and make sure that things don't change with the person in the next several months. I asked over a year before my wedding and I have absolutely no concerns about whether or not I will still be close to the girls in July 2012. 
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    em01092em01092 member
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    edited December 2011
    Wait a while and think carefully because you can't unask without ending the friendship. 

    I asked at a year (before reading the horror stories on TK) and know that I have to stick with my choices no matter what. I'm not worried, but this was a risk I assumed and I suggest waiting perhaps a little longer. 

    Also, I would not ask people to be BMs/MOHs based on location. I say this because you mentioned one friend being halfway across the world. I don't know what you meant by that, but if that friend is in fact the closer friend to you, I say ask her to be your MOH regardless of distance. It should be about who you have the best relationship with, not who can throw you cool parties or who is right down the road.

    You could ask them both perhaps. If the long distance friend can't make the wedding or opts out, then at least you asked. This all may be pointless, if you are not even close with the long distance friend anymore. I was just throwing it out there!
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    StephieBowStephieBow member
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    edited December 2011
    I asked a year ahead.... I think normal is about 12 - 9 months out. 
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    Kimberly0402Kimberly0402 member
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    edited December 2011
    My friend lives in Australia with her husband and son. I've known her since we were in 6th grade. We are still friends even though she's so far away. However, in recent years I've become especially close with another girlfriend. She is like my sister and I know she feels the same way about me. 
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I asked 9 months out (well we have a 9 month engagement, so I asked soon after getting engaged). But dresses really don't have to be ordered (if you're ordering them at all) until around the 4 month mark. Don't pay attention to what DB tells you if you go with them. They try and rush you to order but all my BM dresses came in within three weeks of ordering them. Take some time to think about your decision (on BM's) before rushing into asking anyone.


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