Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading

We are having a Disney wedding, all of our wedding guests and party will be traveling from out of state to attend.  Per the package we selected we are only allowed to have 20 people including ourselves.  So that leaves 18 spots, we want to have two attendants each.  The people we have choose to be in our parties are all single and not in a relationship of any kind.  But who's not to say they won't be in a year....however, we need to leave space for family members.  Would it be rude to simply ask them to accept not having a guest option?   It is simply to open up four spaces for family members, not because we don't want to pay for their guests its simply a question of priority of those present for our small wedding. 

If they would happen to become involved in a serious relationship over the next year (which happens as it did for us as well) we would obviously try to work something out.  But we just don't feel it's nessacary to leave out family members for "maybe I will have someone to bring" guest for our wedding party members. 
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading

  • Options
    Do they know other people on the guest list so they won't be traveling subsequently alone?  That would be my biggest concern.  If they knew a lot of people going then I would say that what you're doing is reasonable. 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:f95d47cc-689a-4209-b7a2-e76a7b69eee9">Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a Disney wedding, all of our wedding guests and party will be traveling from out of state to attend.  Per the package we selected we are only allowed to have 20 people including ourselves.  So that leaves 18 spots, we want to have two attendants each.  The people we have choose to be in our parties are all single and not in a relationship of any kind.  But who's not to say they won't be in a year....however, we need to leave space for family members.  Would it be rude to simply ask them to accept not having a guest option?   It is simply to open up four spaces for family members, not because we don't want to pay for their guests its simply a question of priority of those present for our small wedding.  If they would happen to become involved in a serious relationship over the next year (which happens as it did for us as well) we would obviously try to work something out.  But we just don't feel it's nessacary to leave out family members for "maybe I will have someone to bring" guest for our wedding party members. 
    Posted by alr122012[/QUOTE]

    If they're truly single at the time of your wedding, it's okay to invite without a guest.  That said, these people are in your wedding party, meaning they're your nearest and dearest (presumably), and particularly since you're already asking them to travel, I feel like it would be more polite to invite them with a guest.  Is there any way you can talk to Disney and change to a space that will accommodate 25 or 30 guests?  As someone who was invited to a destination wedding without a guest, I will say it was extremely awkward... the only people I knew who were there were in relationships, so I had no one to split the cost of a hotel room with, and I ended up stuck with either spending downtime between wedding events alone or having to tag along with the few couples I knew as a fifth wheel.  I was happy to be there for my friend, but it was still uncomfortable for me.  Based on my own experience, I'd say do your level best to accommodate guests for everyone.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Options
    They are you nearest and dearest so I guess they will understand.  

    I guess I do not understand why it was not considered when you picked the package.  I would hate a year from now you are trying to figure out how to get 24 people in 20 seats.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:cb07b93b-29bd-4ddc-9da3-80762a397bc6">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do they know other people on the guest list so they won't be traveling subsequently alone?  That would be my biggest concern.  If they knew a lot of people going then I would say that what you're doing is reasonable. 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    The only issue would be the hotel room bookings, I hadn't thought about that.  We are only thinking about the actual ceremony/reception issues.  I'm just going to talk to them individually I think.  It might work for some and not for others, but even if one or two of them are ok with not having a guest that will open up space for family. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    Problem is, if you invite those 4 extra family members and then your WP all find SOs before the wedding, what are you going to do? Not invite the SOs? That's pretty shitty, even if they "agreed" to not bring guests to the wedding the previous year.

    I'd honestly not want to limit myself to 18 guests unless all the people I wanted there, and their SOs or potential SOs, totaled 18 or less.
  • Options
    I don't think it's nessacary to add plus ones for them, as it is such a small guestlist.  (Provided they each know someone there who isn't you.)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:edbeec70-c235-4267-a661-a9e8489d327d">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading : <strong>The only issue would be the hotel room bookings</strong>, I hadn't thought about that.  We are only thinking about the actual ceremony/reception issues.  I'm just going to talk to them individually I think.  It might work for some and not for others, but even if one or two of them are ok with not having a guest that will open up space for family. 
    Posted by alr122012[/QUOTE]

    <div>Which is a big issue.   Hotels in Disney are not cheap.  Actually there is a chance they will pay more for their rooms than you will on the extra plate of food.  I mean they have to have at least 2 room nights right?</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Options
    They won't allow us to add any more to the 20 total without getting into another package, that package add's quite a bit to our wedding budget and frankly it's way over what we are comfortable paying.

    Most likely we will just offer guests spots to them and hope they can come up with someone before they come down to FL.  Like a PP said, it would suck to have to kick out family because WP gained an SO or FI or Spouse lol

    Thanks girls!!  I'm so glad to have people to bounce ideas off of, it makes this wedding planning so much easier!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I think, in this case, I would not have a wedding party so that these decisions can be made later with current relationship statuses in mind. Unless of course you've already asked them ...
    Lizzie
  • Options
    I assume these people are your best friends. If I agreed to stand up in a best friend's wedding, knowing she had extremely limited space, and it turned out I had a SO a year later, I'd either just leave him home or he'd come with me to Disney but not the wedding. I don't think it's a big deal as long as everyone knows and agrees well in advance.
  • Options
    Alr, have you considered doing a destination wedding in Orlando, so that people could go to Disney, without actually having a "Disney Wedding?"

    That way you could still get the destination (for the most part) but you would probably spend less money and be more free to invite whoever you like. You wont get a picture of you in your dress in front of Cinderella's Castle, but I think you could probably get whatever else you're looking for. 
  • Options

    The Disney requirement is for the ceremony only, but honestly I'd make sure my family was invited before I picked out a WP.  My immediate family alone is 7 people which is almost half of your guest list for a Disney Escape wedding package.  Your guests are travelling a long way.  To ask them to come alone is a lot, even if they do stay at one of the value resorts.

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:e3ba876c-190b-4824-8025-6409a8afa932">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]I assume these people are your best friends. If I agreed to stand up in a best friend's wedding, knowing she had extremely limited space, and it turned out I had a SO a year later, I'd either just leave him home or he'd come with me to Disney but not the wedding. I don't think it's a big deal as long as everyone knows and agrees well in advance.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    <div>As sucky as the situation is, this is where I would stand too.  </div>
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:839e3636-345e-4978-b687-98e85443e540">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading : As sucky as the situation is, this is where I would stand too.  
    Posted by PinkRoseAcct[/QUOTE]

    <div>I feel the same way, but we can't assume that her WP does.</div><div>
    </div><div>If they are truly single and friendly with each other, I think its okay to invite without a date since it is such a small event.</div><div>
    </div><div>I attended a DW in Hawaii w/out my ex-husband once and i actually had a great time. </div>
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:68a021e8-40f9-470e-b824-e87a386396f4">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading : If I knew my relatively new boyfriend coming meant that my best friend couldn't invite her grandmother, I'd come alone and probably share a hotel room with the other bridesmaid.
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    I feel like this assumes you are friends with (or at least know somewhat well) the other bridesmaid - OP has said nothing to indicate that this is the case here.  Maybe you'd be comfortable rooming with someone you didn't know or had only met a few times at bridal events, but I definitely wouldn't, and I don't think it's fair to assume that someone would and use that assumption as an excuse for not allowing a friend to bring a guest.  At the end of the day, would I go to a destination wedding without my SO if my friend didn't invite him?  Yes, I would (as I said in my previous post in this thread, I did just that a few years ago).  But is it the right thing to do to someone who is a close friend?  No, not really.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Options
    Have you looked into having a Swan and Dolphin wedding, instead of an Escape package? They're MUCH cheaper, still on Disney property, and lovely. Many girls have said wonderful things about them. AND best of all: no minimum guests!

    Just something to keep in mind. Let me know if you have any questions--- I'm getting married in Disney in a month!
    image PS November Siggy Challenge: Dress!! Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Options
    I do know that the Disney packages are pretty set in stone with size and does not let you expand at all past the requirements.  Actually years ago, it was less than 20 guests total.  

    I would have a heartfelt talk with your BP members just so they can understand and that it wouldn't be a direct slight towards them but you are working in the established parameters that you had to contract.
  • Options
    because you are having a disney wedding i would just explain to your guests, i am sure they would understand.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:fe3ceae1-a73a-4db2-a5ea-46398ee15966">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading : Her GUESTS and wedding party should not have to suffer due to her bad planning. Sorry, but I think it's ridiculous to expect people to travel solo to a DW just because you signed a contract with a 20 person max.  Did you think about this before you made your plans? I'm with Liatris, invite 9 people with guests. 
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I agree.  I'm not sure why this situation is an exception to the advice that you determine your budget, make your guestlist, then pick your venue based on budget and guestlist.  If the wedding you want can only accomodate 18 guests, you either host 18 guests properly or you change your plans to accomodate more people within your budget.  How is this different? 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:fe3ceae1-a73a-4db2-a5ea-46398ee15966">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading : Her GUESTS and wedding party should not have to suffer due to her bad planning. Sorry, but I think it's ridiculous to expect people to travel solo to a DW just because you signed a contract with a 20 person max.  Did you think about this before you made your plans? I'm with Liatris, invite 9 people with guests. 
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agree.</div><div>
    </div><div>I've never understood loving a venue more than my guests.   It's just a foreign concept to me.   </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-wedding-party-membersplease-keep-reading?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4df8843e-9c24-46de-89c3-0f0e47bd8a29Post:c93a86fc-2674-47aa-a794-8b49bd2da893">Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus ones for wedding party members....please keep reading : Agree. I've never understood loving a venue more than my guests.   It's just a foreign concept to me.   
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    Ditto. I looked into this same Disney package back when I first got engaged. We were able to cut our guest list down to 18 (I'm one of five kids, both my husband and I have divorced/remarried parents, so this was a challenge), <strong>if</strong> we didn't allow our best friends and siblings to bring dates. For a bunch of other reasons, we wound up deciding to not get married in Disney at all, but during our engagement 2 of our siblings ended up getting into serious relationships, one of the friends met somebody and got engaged, another met somebody and actually got married. I seriously couldn't imagine telling any of them "Well, I'm really sorry, but your<strong> wife</strong> can't come because we signed a contract knowing there was no way we could give you a +1".

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • Options
    Well I would understand I guess not everyone is understanding that Disney is expensive
    BabyFetus Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards