Just Engaged and Proposals
Options

Choosing a date between babies

Hello, looking for some creative ideas and help here!  My boyfiriend and I (he is saving for the ring, but we are planning!) are struggling with a date.  We stumbled into a venue last week on a walk.  We fell in love with the place and saved a date (9/14), We have not announced our enagement as we do not yet have the ring and our date already seems like it will potentially be problemmatic for some of our family.  We have one baby (my brother's third) due 7/28, which we were aware of and thought might be ok for 9/14.  However, hours after booking our date, we learned that there is potentially a second baby due 9/10 (my other brother's first).  All of our family will need to travel by airplane, which is risky during the third trimester as we undertsand it.  We are hoping to get married soon because...our (biologic) clock is ticking.  We are very excited to welcome new nieces and nephews and would really like to include everyone.  We were considering a date change to August or May, but May seems too soon and August would most probably exclude the couple expecting their baby 9/10....  ideas?  Thanks!   
«1

Re: Choosing a date between babies

  • Options
    Honestly you shouldn't be planning a wedding until the ring is on your finger.  What happens if your BF doesn't get the ring by September?  Sorry but booking a place already makes you look crazy.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:f760caf6-9f6b-4efe-a0c9-4b6228b8d769">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly you shouldn't be planning a wedding until the ring is on your finger.  What happens if your BF doesn't get the ring by September?  Sorry but booking a place already makes you look crazy.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    This.

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:ae86b19b-27bf-4f3d-8c70-5220fc6c5590">Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello, looking for some creative ideas and help here!  <strong>My boyfiriend and I (he is saving for the ring, but we are planning!) </strong>are struggling with a date.  We stumbled into a venue last week on a walk.  We fell in love with the place and saved a date (9/14), <strong>We have not announced our enagement as we do not yet have the ring</strong> and our date already seems like it will potentially be problemmatic for some of our family.  We have one baby (my brother's third) due 7/28, which we were aware of and thought might be ok for 9/14.  However, hours after booking our date, we learned that there is potentially a second baby due 9/10 (my other brother's first).  All of our family will need to travel by airplane, which is risky during the third trimester as we undertsand it.  We are hoping to get married soon because...our (biologic) clock is ticking.  We are very excited to welcome new nieces and nephews and would really like to include everyone.  We were considering a date change to August or May, but May seems too soon and August would most probably exclude the couple expecting their baby 9/10....  ideas?  Thanks!   
    Posted by tfranco1018[/QUOTE]

    So, are you engaged or not?  You do realize you do not <em>need</em> a ring to be officially engaged, right?
    image


    Wedding Countdown Ticker


  • Options
    FI and I started planning before he put on a ring on my finger. We considered ourselves engaged, although we waited to make the information public until we were "really" engaged. My family would not have considered us "official" without an actual physical ring, no matter how much planning we had done.

    If you and your boyfriend/FI are on the same page about definitely getting married, you're engaged. If you're planning without him, just wait for the ring. I wouldn't make official plans or put down deposits until you checked with your VIP guests.

    Also, are you talking about this coming September? Because that isn't very much time to plan. Not that it's impossible, but if it's inconvenient for your siblings and other family members, you might be better off pushing the date back for them and for your sanity.
    Anniversary
  • Options
    Ring or not, you are planning a wedding together with your fiance, and in my mind, that makes you engaged. Congrats!
    In my opinion, I would try to push the wedding back a month or so. I was my parent's first child, and they flew from Texas to North Dakota when I was one week old to attend my aunt and uncle's wedding. It's doable to take an infant, so you wouldn't have to push by much, just enough to get around the due date. It would be hard for them, and in the end if they choose not to come, that's certainly fine... but it IS doable. You may not have to push very much.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:ae86b19b-27bf-4f3d-8c70-5220fc6c5590">Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello, looking for some creative ideas and help here!  My boyfiriend and I (he is saving for the ring, but we are planning!) are struggling with a date.  We stumbled into a venue last week on a walk.  We fell in love with the place and saved a date (9/14), We have not announced our enagement as we do not yet have the ring and our date already seems like it will potentially be problemmatic for some of our family.  We have one baby (my brother's third) due 7/28, which we were aware of and thought might be ok for 9/14.  However, hours after booking our date, we learned that there is potentially a second baby due 9/10 (my other brother's first).  All of our family will need to travel by airplane, which is risky during the third trimester as we undertsand it.  We are hoping to get married soon because...our (biologic) clock is ticking.  We are very excited to welcome new nieces and nephews and would really like to include everyone.  We were considering a date change to August or May, but May seems too soon and August would most probably exclude the couple expecting their baby 9/10....  ideas?  Thanks!   
    Posted by tfranco1018[/QUOTE]

    I agree w/ PPs......I wouldn't be planning anything until I had a ring on my finger.  That said, why couldn't you consider October or even November.  November is usually more off season, you would get better rates and you probably have better chance of the folks with the babies traveling.
  • Options
    You don't need to worry about these things until you are engaged. It sounds like to me you aren't because you refer to your SO as your boyfriend. Once you are engaged then you plan these things out. Until then enjoy where you are in your relationship.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    Have the two of you made the decision to get married or are you just talking about it?  Engagement =/= ring.  I was engaged for about three months before I had a ring on my finger.

    I really need the answer to this question before I can offer an opinion.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Options

    Just a quick post and update to say thanks for supportive posts and the nice reminder "you do not need a ring to be engaged".  We were trying to plan, just for practical purposes, but have not had money for a ring as yet.  (Jeff cares more about the ring than I do!)  We thought people would not be supportive of the engagement if we did not have "something to show for it".  With everything that is going on between the two families, babies on the way and lots of travel required, we decided to spill the beans and talked to all our family sans ring.  They were incredibly supportive and told us to pick whatever date/time/place we wanted, that they will do what they can to be there.  It really was a joy to announce our engagement even without the ring.   

    The truth is, no matter how much in love and how much planning, there are a few folks who will just have to see the ring....but Jeff and I have decided we don't care much about that crowd and that crowd isn't our family.  We are budgeting, planning and being responsibly in love.  Works for us!

    Happy planning everyone.Smile

  • Options
    Yeah honestly I'm unsure why so many people are all "You need a ring on your finger!!1!!1" Being engaged doesn't mean you HAVE to have a ring on your finger. Not at all. One of my closest friends never did get an engagement ring, nor does she choose to wear a wedding band, and she has been married 5 years now. Rings are simply a symbol. You can most certainly be married and/or engaged without one.

    Have you both decided together that you want to and are ready to get married? If yes, you are engaged.

    As far as the date, it will be hard, almost impossible, to find a date that works for everyone. Besides pushing the date back further a couple months, there isn't much you can do. Even if you did push back, the couple who just had a baby in Sept. may not want to fly with their baby or leave him/her. I would probably just plan the date you guys want, as you will never accommodate everyone.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • Options
    HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:79d7494b-4b59-45bb-a884-85992910892a">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Choosing a date between babies : Not helpful, and sort of mean in case you were interested in my feedback...which I am somehow doubting.
    Posted by tfranco1018[/QUOTE]

    1) If you think I'm mean you better thank your lucky stars that you didn't post this on NYE. They would have eaten you alive over there for this type of thing.

    2) An engagement doesn't equal a ring but since you said he's your bofriend that means you're not engaged.  So my statement stands.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    Simply lay off! She can say shes engaged if she wants- whats it matter to you HOBROKENBRIDE?!?! It doesnt save your negative attitude and spare others you are not mean you are heartless!
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:a4d3a65c-ac9b-4dbc-a0cd-9ae1a31255bf">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Simply lay off! She can say shes engaged if she wants- whats it matter to you HOBROKENBRIDE?!?! It doesnt save your negative attitude and spare others you are not mean you are heartless!
    Posted by SecBka[/QUOTE]

    You're hilarious.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    And your pathetic. Clearly she's excited and no one asked for you to try to rain on her parade!
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:635c8685-d4c3-4ef8-b9a1-48891af9e6e6">Re:Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]And your pathetic. Clearly she's excited and no one asked for you to try to rain on her parade!
    Posted by SecBka[/QUOTE]

    You do realize this type of thing will get you banned right.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    My question is if you can't afford an engagement ring how in the world can you afford a wedding?

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:635c8685-d4c3-4ef8-b9a1-48891af9e6e6">Re:Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]And your pathetic. Clearly she's excited and no one asked for you to try to rain on her parade!
    Posted by SecBka[/QUOTE]

    ... *you're.

  • Options
    Liatris and I must be using the same brain for this thread!

  • Options
    courtski2004courtski2004 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited January 2013
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:ae86b19b-27bf-4f3d-8c70-5220fc6c5590">Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello, looking for some creative ideas and help here!  My boyfiriend and I (he is saving for the ring, but we are planning!) are struggling with a date.  We stumbled into a venue last week on a walk.  We fell in love with the place and saved a date (9/14), We have not announced our enagement as we do not yet have the ring and <strong>our date already seems like it will potentially be problemmatic for some of our family</strong>.  We have one baby (my brother's third) due 7/28, which we were aware of and thought might be ok for 9/14.  However, hours after booking our date, we learned that there is potentially a second baby due 9/10 (my other brother's first).  All of our family will need to travel by airplane, which is risky during the third trimester as we undertsand it.  <strong>We are hoping to get married soon because...our (biologic) clock is ticking</strong>.  We are very excited to welcome new nieces and nephews and would really like to include everyone.  We were considering a date change to August or May, but May seems too soon and August would most probably exclude the couple expecting their baby 9/10....  ideas?  Thanks!   
    Posted by tfranco1018[/QUOTE]

    If it is important for your family will be there, postpone your wedding. That will give time for your BF (or FI, I can't really tell which he is, TBH) to save and buy a ring, and for you to plan and pay for your wedding. Or, just do a small ceremony/go to the JOP. Either way, you'll be married at the end of the day if you are truly that rushed to begin your family.
    </div>
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:3cfcf5f8-e941-4029-83db-6a884066e8d5">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]My question is if you can't afford an engagement ring how in the world can you afford a wedding?
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    ^This^

    image
    06.09.2012

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:c6e05a8e-1ea4-407d-9425-94d82a33b15d">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maggie, I'll share a brain with you any day of the week, just not in the Hannibal Lector kind of way.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    **slurp, slurp, slurp** or whatever that crazy, creepy noise he makes is LOL!

  • Options
    I, too, would like to know how you're going to be able to afford a wedding in September (or May or August) of this year when your boyfriend can't even afford a ring? Weddings are much more expensive than a ring.
  • Options
    courtski2004courtski2004 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited January 2013
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:b349766b-a1f1-44ad-af4b-21eb96a8c631">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I, too, would like to know <strong>how you're going to be able to afford a wedding</strong> in September (or May or August) of this year when your boyfriend can't even afford a ring? Weddings are much more expensive than a ring.
    Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

    I have a feeling that the funds will be coming from Banco de Parentals</div>.
  • Options
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:b349766b-a1f1-44ad-af4b-21eb96a8c631">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I, too, would like to know how you're going to be able to afford a wedding in September (or May or August) of this year when your boyfriend can't even afford a ring? Weddings are much more expensive than a ring.
    Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

    I really hope the OP isnt planning on going to mommy and daddy with her hand out...
    </div>
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-and-baby-momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:78b52a05-9feb-4cd1-89ee-47de87423f1cPost:4d788e37-6a7c-4957-9b18-79e97745a11b">Re: Choosing a date between babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Choosing a date between babies : Yeah but since her parents don't know she is "engaged" then I am guessing they haven't offered her any money. How can you book a venue if you don't know your budget?
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Well, I doubt that they put a large deposit down on the venue (if at all) if BF/FI is still saving for a ring. It just doesn't add up.

    I knew for a long time that my parents would be contributing to our wedding, but I definitely didn't count on it until the formal offer and discussion came up.
  • Options
    pokey730pokey730 member
    First Comment
    edited January 2013
    In Response to Re:Choosing a date between babies:[QUOTE]My question is if you can't afford an engagement ring how in the world can you afford a wedding? Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    My thoughts exactly. Unless he's saving for a 2 carat honker.. I don't see how you'd be able to afford a wedding, no matter how frugal, anyways. Especially with only 8 months to plan and pay for everything.

    Further, I really wish people would learn the difference between you're and your. Big pet peeve of mine.
  • Options
    Eh, weddings don't necessarily have to cost more than a ring.  A wedding could cost as much as you need for a marriage certificate if we get down to brass tacks. Even doing something more than that, having a small ceremony and cake and punch after for a small group of friends/family could very easily cost less than a diamond ring.

    I also see no issue with her parents paying if they OFFER to pay. Many couples' parents WANT to contribute to their weddings and save/plan for it their whole lives. If it's a gift they want to give and they offer, I see no issue with it. My parents offered to pay for our reception and odds and ends here or there while we chipped in for the rest. I can assure you I am not a selfish, spoiled brat who goes through life asking mommy and daddy for everything.

    Now, OP, if you ARE planning a wedding you can't afford and you ASK mom and dad for money, then that's not OK. I just hate that people seem to jump to conclusions about things at times.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • Options
    You don't need a ring to be engaged.  Ask my parents they got engaged never had an engagment ring and they have been married 37 years. 

    But if its about the money then don't book a venue right now.  Our caterer alone cost as much actually more than my ring.
    image
  • Options
    A wedding can absolutely cost less than a ring, if you have a courthouse wedding. However, OP finding the "omgperfect venue" implies otherwise. I assume I could be wrong that she intends to host some kind of party. You can most certainly buy a ring for the cost of officiant, cake, punch, and whatever else. Then, I guess we're just arguing the infinite world of possibilities until OP comes back and clarifies.
  • Options
    My dad proposed to my mom with a beautiful poem that he gave to her in an empty ring box.  Even though he couldn't afford a ring at the time, he knew he wanted to marry her and was ready to propose.  35 years later my dad has built a successful business and my mom wears an amazing ring which I think many would agree was worth waiting for!  Anytime I come across the box with the poem inside in my moms closet, I melt a little at how romantic my dad was.

    Anyway, while I don't think a ring = engaged, I do think a proposal, or at least a definitive conversation does.  If he's still your boyfriend this is a tad bit premature... Sounds like OP is wanting to keep up with her siblings who are having babies perhaps?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards