Shower-Related Question

NikkiF731 · February 2012

Let me preface this with saying that I am NOT a part of the planning of my shower with the exception of knowing the day and place and having guest list input. My question is this...my FMIL is under the impression that all women invited to the wedding are invited to the shower The other popular opinion by my BMs mainly is that it should be a selected "sub-group" of the wedding guest list. They want my opinion to be the deciding one. What all do you guys think?

ceglare4 · February 2012

I have no ideas, sorry

I'm actually trying to figure this one out myself!

mekiakoo · February 2012

I'm not quite sure but I think it's typical to have "sub-groups" rather than inviting every single woman. It depends on how big you want the shower to be.

Apparently I am going to have few showers, and not every woman will be invited, but different ones will be invited to different showers depending on the location. One will be 4 hours away (family only), one will be mostly friends, etc. We have way too many women and it'd be hard to have one shower. Too many of them need to travel if there was only one shower. I'm not planning any of them so I have no idea what they will be like, but it should be fun.

I can't seem to vote, stupid computer. But I picked #2

bells24412 · February 2012

My Mom and my FMIL are inviting just close famliy like aunts and cousins that is pretty much it.

LADY324 · February 2012

I had a talk with my mom because our wedding guest list is out of control due to our parents friends. My FMIL is inviting pretty much every single person she knows including her bestfriend's 6 kids and their spouses b/c she feels that they owe it back to her since she went to all of their weddings she does not get that we did not get the invite so they should not get the invite to ours. She does the tit for tat thing. So I requested my shower be small and intimate. I want to know every single female in that room. So it is my family, his family and all of my close friends. I told my mom I would rather not have parents friends there and she agreed. We have 60 people on the list and that is like I said close family members and my girlfriends.

BeachLover2885 · February 2012

My mom wants to keep the shower small, so we are just inviiting female relatives on my side and Fi's (aunts, cousins), the bridal party and maybe a few other girlfriends. My mom isn't planning on inviting certain OOT relatives b/c she thinks it looks like we are fishing for a gift. By OOT I mean flying distance. I don't necessarily agree with that, but my mom is hosting the shower so she can have the final say!

Madisonpenny · February 2012

The way it has always gone to weddings that I have been invited to or been a part of has been that ALL women that are invited to the wedding are invited to the shower.
If they don't want to go thats fine, and usually at least 1/4 don't, but it's their option.
I think it also depends on how big a wedding is. If your having a guest list of 150+, thats alot of women being invited.

butterflyjumper1 · February 2012

i think it depends on the size of your wedding. if you are having a small wedding, all women should be invited (like maybe 75 guests or under). also, my good friend had a destination wedding last month, and she actually invited way MORE people to the shower than were invited to the wedding.

our guest list is like 250+. i know i will be having one shower hosted by my cousin which will be my mom's side of the family only + my maid of honor and in-town bridesmaid. i may or may not end up doing another with girlfriends. if you have a large guest list, i don't think that you have to invite all of the women on it by any means - this would make for a really, really big and expensive shower if i were to do this, and that is not at all what i want.

mekiakoo · February 2012

I want to add that I agree on the size of your guest list. We are inviting 250+ guests, so it's probably not a good idea to invite every single lady. Splitting them up into different showers would probably work better of if you only have one shower, invite those who are the closest.

BmoreBride311 · February 2012

I have never heard of inviting all women unless it's a very small wedding, in which you are close to everyone invited. Our guest list is over 300, so I definitely don't expect my mom to invite all of these women to the shower (ex. my FMIL friend from HS whom I've never met is invited to the wedding, but not the shower).

LADY324 · February 2012

yes I agree with the guest list thing too. We have 240 people invited to our wedding. My shower would have been about 120 woman that is just nuts its a mini wedding when the head count gets that high!

elizabethmae315 · February 2012

I just had to send over my guest list to my aunts for my shower the other day- so I understand.

I think its customary to invite most of your family, like aunts and cousins, and BP plus a couple other close friends.

But this depends how many guests you are inviting to the wedding, and how many showers you may end up having. For example, my aunts are throwing me one, and so is FSIL. So FIs family will be invited to hers, but not my aunts, and I split friends based on who they may have met before, or which shower can fit in their schedule.

StephanieToBeKeys · February 2012

Thanks for posting this poll. I've been going over this with my mom and MOH. My mom thinks every female invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower, but my MOH thinks it should people I know well. Even if I invite every female that is invited to the wedding it will only increase the guest list by 10-15 people.

Elinetrouwt · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shower-related-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ad47de34-6849-47b6-a659-6c3f306d3aa6Post:a0f07447-4df4-4478-8280-cba1c57fc22a">Re: Shower-Related Question</a>:
[QUOTE] also, my good friend had a destination wedding last month, and she actually invited way MORE people to the shower than were invited to the wedding.
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

<div>She would not receive much love on the etiquette board. It seems a bit greedy to ask people to a party that is basically meant to get you gifts, and not ask them to celebrate the wedding with you.</div><div>
</div><div>But what do I know, there is no such thing as showers where I live. Don't believe anyone who tells you that showers are an old Dutch tradition.</div>

BeabullMom · February 2012

My sister (MOH) is getting upset with me about this one, but I feel like it is out of my hands. My mother and FMIL think that everyone should be invited. That would be like 85 women. I know that AT LEAST 20 won't come because they are OOT and probably more won't come just because. My sister thinks it should be much smaller. I said they should decide because I'm not the one who is supposed to plan it anyway!

ginadog · February 2012

As someone who has planned and hosted MANY showers (but never had a shower), I can say that I'd want to have a cap on the # of guests invited due to budget reasons.

I don't think it's even feasible to say "invite all the women" because who knows how much that would cost! It could get out of hand! Miss Manners surely would not advocate going in debt to follow a stupid rule. That's my logic.

My final answer - subgroups are fine. They can suggest a number and you can create the guest list. I'd say leave the OOT people off first if you don't think it's feasible for them to come. They will already be getting a wedding gift (presumably) and paying for travel costs to come to the wedding.

dramaqueen91087 · February 2012

I am having two showers and between them most of the women invited to the wedding will be invited. But I would never invite them all to on shower. It would be way to many people. And even with both showers there are people invited to the wedding who will not be invited to the shower. Like my dads work invites, or the friends of my FI who I don't really like. I would feel uncomfortable having these people at the shower as I barely know them/don't like them.

StephanieToBeKeys · February 2012

I just thought about another reason why I may have the subgroup. There are many people on FI's side that I haven't even met and they probably don't know my name. If they would get invite in the mail they'd probably think, "Who the heck is this?"

snooks721 · February 2012

I am not inviting every woman to my shower who is invited to the wedding. I am just inviting the one's that I am close with.

littlemoments324 · February 2012

We're not inviting every woman invited to the wedding to the shower. (however, the majority of them will be there). But it doesn't have to be everyone.

cmhutchison22 · February 2012

I am not having a shower before the wedding. I am not even sure if I am having one after the wedding. Anyways, I have never even heard of inviting every woman on the guest list to the shower before. All bridal showers I have been to have had close friends and family there. If you invited every woman on the guest list you could possibly have 100+ there. I think close friends and family is fine.

singing_lyn · February 2012

I really think it's a regional, cultural thing. where I'm from every female is invited, but it's also normally a pot luck where every one brings a food dish. I know that's looked down on by a good amount of people but it's normal here. I do expect that some of if not all the female's from my FI's family won't attend, but the guest list will probably be around 80 females but probably only around 40 will attend.

michelle11988 · February 2012

I am inviting my aunts and cousins as well as the same on my FI's side. We will probably also invite all my gf's invited to the wedding. We have other cousins out of state that my mom thinks if we invite will look gift grabby. She can do whatever she wants since I think she is hosting it.

Lisariqua · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shower-related-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ad47de34-6849-47b6-a659-6c3f306d3aa6Post:a0f07447-4df4-4478-8280-cba1c57fc22a">Re: Shower-Related Question</a>:
[QUOTE]ialso, my good friend had a destination wedding last month, and she actually invited way MORE people to the shower than were invited to the wedding. .
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

Wow, this is just wrong. Never a good idea to invite people to your shower when you know they won't be invited to the wedding.

Lisariqua · February 2012

I have never heard of inviting every women on your wedding invites list to your bridal shower. I guess it depends on your budget.

BmoreBride311 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shower-related-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ad47de34-6849-47b6-a659-6c3f306d3aa6Post:587d00a9-7197-400d-8dd9-320cb236f51a">Re: Shower-Related Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not having a shower before the wedding. <strong>I am not even sure if I am having one after the wedding.</strong> Anyways, I have never even heard of inviting every woman on the guest list to the shower before. All bridal showers I have been to have had close friends and family there. If you invited every woman on the guest list you could possibly have 100+ there. I think close friends and family is fine.
Posted by cmhutchison22[/QUOTE]

Do people do this?

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