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My Mom passed away the day I got engaged

stephanie_moore1026stephanie_moore1026
in Chit Chat
I have read through some of the different posts regarding not having your Mom at your wedding, but I have a bit of a different situation.  I am sorry for the depressing nature of what is below, but I am really struggling, and don't know where to begin.

My Mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer 2 years ago, and continually did Chemo, and taught as a 2nd grade teacher.  She was AMAZING, encouraging, and above all...loving.  She dedicated her life to working with children, and did everything in her power not to miss a day of school.  About 4 weeks ago my Mom was admited to ICU, and eventually passed away 2 weeks ago.  My Fiancee proposed to me at 2am when the doctors told us that we needed to make final decisions about her life support.  My Fiancee asked my Dad for my hand while driving to the Hospital.  My whole family was in her room when he whispered in my Mom's ear, and next took me to the waiting room, and then proposed.  It was one of the happiest, and saddest days of my life.  I was so happy that my Mom was alive, and he was able to ask her, but she did pass 14 hours later.

Now I am here, feeling pretty much alone, without the one person who was supposed to help me with all of this.  She loved my fiancee, and couldn't wait for this day to come.  We had been secretly planning for the last year.  She even told me while she was in the Hospital that when she couldn't sleep she was imagining our wedding.  

There is a part of me that is excited to marry the most amazing man in my life (except for my Daddy), but the other part of me cannot wrap my head around putting this all together.  I don't want to go to venues, the church, dress shopping...anything really, because she was supposed to help me.

Has anyone here been through something like this?  I would love if anyone had any words of advise, or thoughts on how to put this all together.

Thanks!
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Re: My Mom passed away the day I got engaged

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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I can't say I've been through this, because I haven't, but honestly, I think you should just take some time to be engaged and to get used to all of the changes that you've just gone through.  If you don't feel up to going to the church, dress shopping, etc., then don't.  Being engaged doesn't mean you have to immediately start planning your wedding, and there's nothing wrong with having a long engagement.  Give yourself some time and space to grieve and to heal, and don't start planning until you feel ready.

    And I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom - she sounds like an amazing lady.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
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    We were already married when my mom passed away, but not very long.  I agree that you need some time just being engaged.  You're mourning your mother and it's natural that you're not going to want to participate in things that make you happy for a while.  You sound like you're feeling numb and it's okay.  I know I'm an internet stranger to you, but I'm sending a hug your way.  Again, give yourself some time.  Your FI sounds like a great guy--he'll understand.
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    FutureHuttoFutureHutto member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. Like the PP stated, take some time to go through all of the changes you are going through. I couldn't imagine your situation. Even though I don't know you, or your mom, I'm pretty sure she was proud of you. She always will be, and I bet she couldn't be happier you're marrying the man you're marrying. It is a mother thing. Keep your head up, don't ever look down. Doesn't matter where you go in life now, someone is always looking out for, smiling at you, and will be there to watch you walk down the aisle.
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    annamhisleannamhisle member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine how you feel. Your mom is with you in your heart, always. I will keep you in my prayers.
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    achiduckachiduck member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was 14 and while I've had a lot of time to accept it and grieve I still have my moments during the planning process. I agree with PPs, it might benefit you to just take some time to enjoy your engagement before you jump into venues and flowers and cakes. 

    Also, have you read the book Motherless Daughters? I found it really helped me understand and identify a lot of the feelings I've had since she passed. Best of luck to you.
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    ermjdecember2015ermjdecember2015 member
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    Im so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others. Just take some time and start planning when you feel ready to.
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    mercy4mercy4
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    I'm very sorry to hear this and I know nothing will change it, but I just wanted to tell you that she will still be with you.  

    My uncle, who has been gone for many years, was very special to me and very talented and creative.  When I went dress shopping, I felt like he was with me.  When I picked out certain things, I felt like he led me to them.

    She will be guiding you, whether you see it or not.  
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    Kris012Kris012
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Your mom's only been gone for about two weeks, give yourself time. My mom died a long time ago, but it took me about a year to feel normal again. The grieving process is complicated, I don't know if you want to further complicate it by planning a wedding, which is emotional in itself.You don't know me, but I'm probably about your mom's age, and I would suggest that you do nothing for awhile. Grieve honestly, lean on your fiance, and give yourself the gift of time. Your fiance will understand. Then when you're really ready, pick a wonderful WP, lean on them when things get emotional, and plan your wedding.  *hugs*
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    sweetbrat89sweetbrat89 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Hi sorry to hear about your mom.
    i think you should wait my Dad lost his fight to cancer not to long ago,
    don't do like i was doing planning your wedding but when it come down to it i was planning a memorial for my dad and siting myself up to be sad all day when it should be one of the happies days of your life take your time with all the wedding things you lost someone very dear to you.
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    kessipaynekessipayne member
    First Comment
    Reading this made me cry so so much. 

    My mother passed away suddenly, three weeks ago. 

    I was going to type out something long, and well thought out but this clouded my mind. You're not alone though. I feel the same hurt. She would want you to be strong though. 

    I know when it comes time to really buckle down and start planning for me, I'll be a hot mess. 
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