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Wedding Party at Destination Wedding

LexiUnderwaterLexiUnderwater
in Wedding Party
We're planning a destination wedding for Feb 2014.  I'm not sure if we should ask our friends to be in the wedding party before or after they say they can attend.

I don't want to ask when we send out invites or before they rsvp, becuase I don't want to pressure anyone into going (our families think we're selfish enough! lol)

I don't know if we should after because I'm worried these friends might feel as though it's going to be just family and might not want to come.

I'm so torn!  What is the thing to do here?
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Re: Wedding Party at Destination Wedding

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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Setting the wedding party this far out is generally not a good idea.  Lives, personalities, circumstances, and people change in unexpected ways.

    Say for example you ask a friend, they accept and are ready to go, but half a year later get audited by the IRS, and then garnished.  Or your relationships get unexpectedly rocky, or someone's job changes, etc.

    I'd issue save the dates first, then ask people to be in the wedding party closer to the date.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited October 2012
    What are you afraid of, exactly?  That you'll ask five people and your fiance will ask six people but you will end up with none and he will have six?  That's kinda silly.

    Your wedding party is supposed to be those you couldn't imagine getting married without.  They aren't a specific number of people standing up there next to you such that if one can't make it you have another in the wings who can.

    I'd shelve the entire wedding party thought process until this time next year.  Pick those you want in your wedding based on how you feel about them, not their finances.

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    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    The general rule is 6-9 months before the wedding. Just because it's a destination wedding doesn't mean that their dresses need to be ordered earlier, and your best friends are your best friends whether or not they can attend the destination wedding. Though, I do suggest sending out save the dates about a year in advance, so everyone who is able attend can plan accordingly. Also, you'll find out closer to when it's time to pick your wedding party who is planning on going, and who isn't.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    KateH2013KateH2013
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited October 2012
    We're also having a DW. I chose my WP based on those I was closest to. Two have already said they can't make it for various reasons but under no circumstances will they be replaced. When it's time to choose, make sure you choose based on who you're close with, not based on who can go and/or help the most.
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