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Became engaged during a looonngg divorce

Lilaclover88Lilaclover88 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Second Weddings
Any Knotties find "mister right" while still trying to end it with "mister wrong"? I NEVER would have imagined such a scenario for myself, but it has happened to me!

"Mister wrong" has delayed and continued the divorce on and on from the beginning. It's been two years in court trying to end it. At this point my lawyer feels things look promising for FINALLY ending the divorce in January.

We are planning a small spring wedding, but I still worry that "mister wrong" may again delay things. ARGH!

Anyone else endure a similar situation? How did your family and friends react? How did you cope?

We plan to announce our engagement to our families and extremely close friends over the Holidays.
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Re: Became engaged during a looonngg divorce

  • invigorating.faithinvigorating.faith
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am in the exact same situation. Except my ex defaulted and the courts are just retarded. My divorce started in November 2008. The judge granted the divorce in September of this year. So we set our wedding date because it looked like it was finally over. Our wedding is in 23 days and the courts just notified us yesterday that they did something wrong and they mixed up my judgement with someone elses. Needless to say it will not be here until the beginning of next year. So now our wedding has to be un-official. It just seems ridiculous. Anything that can go wrong, has gone wrong in this process. I got with my current fiance before I had even started the divorce process. Honestly I didnt feel like my ex was even worth a divorce. Now that I have been through one I found out I was right. My family is not ready for me to be married again. They are not very supportive, but they see my ex all the time. It is hard for them because him and I were friends before we had kids and got married, so he and I act just like old friends and nothing ever happened. In fact my ex's mom is happier for me than my family. And my fiance's family and friends were really skeptical about our relationship in the beginning and were really critical of me. Everything worked out though. My dad loves my fiance, only the traditionalists in my family shun my second wedding. I couldn't be happier. But I do wish the California courts would stop messing with me and fix their mistake. This divorce should have been over a long long time ago! The way that I coped was to ignore the negative comments people had to say and focused on my relationship. Nothing shuts people up like a happy blended family, who are all friends with each others ex's ! Wink
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  • djw1771djw1771 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just finished going through one of those long divorces.  It was soooo frustrating.  My wedding is 12/30/10, and the divorce was final 9/30/10....after being seperated for 2 1/2 years.  The funny thing is that my ex -husband left me for someone, and when that went south he did everything possible to delay the divorce proceedings...even requesting a paternity test for our daughter!!!!  It was a nightmare, luckily I've had a wonderful man in my life for the past 19 months who would frequently "talk me down".  Keep positive, prayer works too!

    I cannot wait to marry this wonderful man!
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yep, I met my now-husband while still married and we got engaged before the divorce was final.

    Most of our friends and family were understanding enough about it and many were very supportive.  We're old enough that people realize everything doesn't get wrapped up in a nice neat package.  However, I was labled that whore by some people and it's never changed - after several years and our marriage to one another (and the fact that my ex and my husband get along).  Admittedly, however, the people who jumped to that weren't really our friends to start with.

    I knew going into it that there would be talk, though, so it wasn't at all shocking.  If I had really felt it was a terrible thing to do, then I wouldn't have done it.  What goes on in my life is between myself, God, and those directly involved - I can't spend my time worrying about what fringe people think.

    Good luck and congratulations!
    10-10-10
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  • sonomagalsonomagal member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  So glag to see I'm not alone.  If you combine "invigorating" (long California process and an ex who sees my family all the time) and "mellissamc2" (knew finance as a friend while both our marriages were breaking down) you get my story. 

    Lisaclover88 -  Both our divorces ended before we decided to get engaged.  We both were fine living together during the long(!) process, and it was a good idea.  We announced our engagement about two years after my divorce finalized and about 10 months after his finalized (although his settlement took a bit longer still).

    Were I in your position, I would wait until the divorce is completely finalizes to start the wedding planning.  I think annoucing an engagement while the gears of divorce are still grinding on can bring up all kinds of issues with family and ex's.    In your case, it could make your ex even less interested in finishing the process. 

    For us, it was a tremendious relief when waiting for the legal process to unwind was over.  It was followed by a lovely period of time to just enjoy, learn about each other.  It also gave the families and ex's time to adust and accept. 

    If you want to proceed in wedding planning, I would be prepared for the possibility that your divorce may not be completed in time.  Divorce - even straight forward ones - take SOOOO much longer to get through the legal system than you expect. You may end up having a "pretend service" followed by the official ceremony in a court later.  If you are OK with that, go ahead and start the engagement.

    Good luck and congratulations in any case.  It really is better the second time around.

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  • invigorating.faithinvigorating.faith
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am with Sonomagal. It IS better the second time. And BTW I am also in the same boat with everyone else. I got with my fiance three days after I separated from my ex. ( My relationship went south about 2 years before the separation). They were friends ( but more like aquaintances). I got with my fiance when I was 4 months pregnant with my ex's baby. There was a lot of conflict over my decision then, but I knew what I was doing. My family was not very happy. But two years later I am getting ready to marry the love of my life. I am living the life I always wanted. I couldnt provide a quiet, drug and alcohol free life with my kids because of my ex. Now they have a quiet loving home, that is substance free. I couldnt be happier. Some people think it takes a lot of strength to stay in a crappy marriage, But I know how much strength it took to walk away. Leaving my ex was the best decision I ever made. I am entering this new marriage bruised and scarred, but a whole lot wiser. Divorce is certainly not for the faint at heart, but marrying the right man is ALWAYS worth it. Good luck to all you! Laughing
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    Marrying the most amazing man I have ever known 12/18/2010. Can't wait to FINALLY be his wife!
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  • akt77akt77
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hello,

    Went through this to my ex and I split in June 2009 he was unfaithful, I filed for divorce in October 2009. Well in the process of all this I met a wonderful man and we are getting married September. My divorce wasn't finalized until October 2010 because athough my ex and I agreed to everything we were fighting the court, but now it has all worked it self out thankfully. I so can't wait to marry this man.

    I wish you all the best who are still going through the process it will all work out and congrats to finding that someone special to share your life with.
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  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with PPs - be cautious about how much planning you are doing for your wedding until you know FOR SURE that the divorce is finalized.  Glitches in the court happen all the time. 

    My ex hubby and I split in December 2006 - about 2 weeks before Christmas and he kept dragging his feet on the divorce but then the judge put her foot down and said - Mrs D has waited for this day long enough - it will be finalized today!  We officially divorced in September of 2007 and I met my dear sweet FI in November of 2007.  At that time I was still licking my wounds so I was leary of this nice man, thinking he was TOO nice, but then realized what a good man he was and still is!  We moved in together December of 2008 and he proposed to me two weeks later - our wedding date is June 18th 2011 - cannot wait to marry my best friend (literally!)Smile.

    I hope it works out for you to marry your sweetie this coming Springtime. 
    Anniversary
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  • 22yearsofwaiting22yearsofwaiting member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am in the same boat as well. I remet my love of my life (we were hs sweethearts that lost touch) while we were both seperated. My 2nd divorce is pretty easy (no kids, no property) and will be final in May of 2011. His on the other hand is rough. His soon to be ex is vindicative and only cares about his money (there was no love for years). Shes getting alimony (which is my pet peeve for any able bodied woman with kids in school not toddlers or babies-I think they should be working-jmo) but its never enough. We are planning on getting married in April of 2012 but his divorce may not be final until Jan 2012
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