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September 2012 Weddings
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Should I care or let it be?

rbwashington2012rbwashington2012 member
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in September 2012 Weddings

FI and I inlisted our fathers to obtain addresses from family members that we don't have close contact with back in JANUARY. Its the end of March and FFIL has STILL not come thru with THREE addresses that we have repeatly asked for. So today we decided if he does not provide the addresses (STDs go out this weekend) they are being cut from the list. I told FI I am kinda not that comfortable with the idea since that really limits the amount of his family attending. FI gave no response to that statement.

I am at a lost what to do at this point. Should I say something again about it or just drop the subject all together?

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Re: Should I care or let it be?

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    MrsBassPlayaMrsBassPlaya member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I, personally, wouldn't cut your guests because FFIL isn't getting you the addresses.  You may not be in close contact with them, but why would you punish other family members because FFIL isn't timely?  Maybe your FI could just get the addresses since you're frustrated (and rightly so) with your FFIL's procrastination.

    Even though they may not be close, I'm sure that his family won't think it's weird if FI asks them for some addresses.

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    stantone29stantone29 member
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    I agree with PP. And even though the STDs are going out this weekend, that doesn't mean you can't send those few family member's a few weeks from now once you get the addresses.
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    BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
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    We have a couple that no matter how hard we've tried we can't get addresses, even from their own parents so I sent the STDs with their name on it to the parents. I know the parents know where they are they just 'don't remember to tell us' apparently.
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    mamameechmamameech
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    Is there anyone else who can get you their address? Can you call them?
    I wouldn't cut them, but I can appreciate your frustration at this point.
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    ErinW1912ErinW1912 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    if you know there names and cities you can always get them yourselves from whitepages.com-just a suggestion
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    kristakay4102kristakay4102 member
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    I am in the same exact situation with my FFIL and FI doesn't have phone numbers for them and it is not a priority for FFIL. I was able to get almost all of them from whitepages.com and the other ones I will just hold back and wait for addresses.


    Hang in there, I completely understand your frustration.

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    smartlyprettysmartlypretty member
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    I wouldn't cut them, but can you send the parents a friendly email telling them what day you are actually mailing them. This kinda happened to me- everyone thought they had tons of time. So I sent an email saying I am mailing STDs on Feb 30th EXACTLY. Once they had a hard deadline, they sent them. 
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    SCogs18SCogs18 member
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    FI's dad was TERRIBLE about getting me his addresses!  My solution was that I sent all my/FI's guets/my parents guests/FMIL's guests STDs were sent on time.  I told him I would not send STDs to ANY of his guests until I got the final few addresses.

    I had them in  24 hours.
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    jessa1228jessa1228 member
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    I understand it's annoying, I kind of went through the same thing with my FFIL. Keep in mind that not every guest you're inviting needs an STD, so if you don't have their addresses in time, then they just don't get one. There's no need to cut them from the guest list over it.
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    rbwashington2012rbwashington2012 member
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    The three addresses needed are older members of his family that don't have internet access. Looked thru whitepages but kinda hard when you don't have last names. One person actually let us know not to count her in cause their family reunion is Labor Day weekend so she might not be able to return. FFIL and FI are not worried about them on bit. I am trying to do the right thing I am still sending the STDs on time. I just gave FI until Friday to get them. The final judgement is on him.
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    volleygurl0306volleygurl0306 member
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_should-i-care-or-let-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:f7f2062f-4879-4f75-a532-4a035449df9dPost:f96014ca-57ec-484c-8011-4598a9c56bd8">Re: Should I care or let it be?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand it's annoying, I kind of went through the same thing with my FFIL. Keep in mind that not every guest you're inviting needs an STD, so if you don't have their addresses in time, then they just don't get one. There's no need to cut them from the guest list over it.
    Posted by jessa1228[/QUOTE]

    This.  STDs aren't a requirement.  If you still can't get these addresses by the time you send out invites I understand cutting them from the list because enough is enough.  But, I wouldn't run yourself ragged trying to get addresses just for a STD.
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    entropicbeautyentropicbeauty member
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    You're just sending out STDs, wait till you need to send out Invitations to "cut" from the list. Remindyour FFIL that you're sending out STDs and the familly he has not provided addresses for will not be receiving them - if he wants them to receive an invitation you will need the addresses no later than MM/DD.
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    rbwashington2012rbwashington2012 member
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_should-i-care-or-let-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:f7f2062f-4879-4f75-a532-4a035449df9dPost:6a99a9b8-11f7-4c85-b1cb-1277fe45cb32">Re: Should I care or let it be?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're just sending out STDs, wait till you need to send out Invitations to "cut" from the list. <strong>Remindyour FFIL that you're sending out STDs and the familly he has not provided addresses for will not be receiving them - if he wants them to receive an invitation you will need the addresses no later than MM/DD.
    </strong>Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

    You hit it right on the nail. That is what we have been doing for weeks with him. Gave him deadline after deadline and still no results. FI told him today that the STDs and invitations have came in and that we need those addresses by Friday. 
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    rbwashington2012rbwashington2012 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_should-i-care-or-let-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:f7f2062f-4879-4f75-a532-4a035449df9dPost:b034a7f7-51ec-4230-9a1a-31a817a57be2">Re: Should I care or let it be?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I care or let it be? : This.  STDs aren't a requirement.  <strong>If you still can't get these addresses by the time you send out invites I understand cutting them from the list because enough is enough</strong>. <strong> But, I wouldn't run yourself ragged trying to get addresses just for a STD.
    </strong>Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

    I finally realized that last night that I shouldn't go crazy about this.  On the flipside of that coin, during the time the invites go out, is our heavy workload periods 7 days a week until August for him, November for me. So we are trying to get so much done now while we both have breaks in our workloads. So the day we planned to send the invites, its a quick push of a button to print the labels and off to the post office we go.
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