Wicca/Pagan Wedding... Help!

LoveMonkey611 · May 2011

I am Pagan and I've just recently started studying Wicca. I don't see a section on here for Pagan anything (so please don't leave rude comments about your religious opinions) and I'm sure I'm not the only one here. So I need help with a ceremony. I was raised Catholic and have been to several "tradiontional" weddings and I don't want that for my wedding. It's going to be outdoors by the water. What ideas do you have or what ceremonies/rituals are there for a Pagan/Wiccan wedding?

My fiancé has been on my long journey with me to find my religion and while he totally supports my beliefs he's not into the Wiccan wedding idea. Both of our families are VERY Christian but my beliefs are very important to me and I'd like them included somehow. I just have to be able to convince the future hubby ;D so any/all help would be awesome! Thanks a million!

PeaceLoveHappiness

nefariousmoon · May 2011

Offbeat and interfaith rarely have anything.

One of the easiest things to incoperate would be a handfasting ritual.
Personallly I would recommend you get a copy of "Inviting Hera's Blessing Handfasting and Wedding Rituals" By Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein.
Its an amazing guide on pagan weddings. And even has a wonderful section on interfaith weddings.
Another decent one is "Handfasting A Pagen Guide to Commitment Rituals" By Rev. Dr. Kendra Vaughan Hovey.
But you have plenty of options. I'm actually writing our ceramony myself. To me is easier becuase I can make sure that everyword is meaningful to me and the FI.
If you need any help feel free to PM me.

MrsChasey · May 2011

I know it's not the same, but what about the gothic wedding board for some ideas?

Also, I think I've seen that churches won't allow handfasting ceremonies because they have Pagan roots.

And I used this website to find readings for my wedding. These vows are on that website (website is:http://www.documentsanddesigns.com/verse/Celtic_marriage_wedding_vows.htm#t3)B

Pagan Wedding VowsI, (grooms full name), in the name of the spirit of God that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take thee (bride's full name) to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one. To desire thee and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself.(to Bride)
I (bride's full name), in the name of the spirit of God that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood, and the love that resides within my heart, take thee, (Groom's full name) to my hand, my heart, and my spirit to be my chosen one. To desire and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself.

LoveMonkey611 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wiccapagan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:67780d05-b1ac-4cfd-bcc3-9dcfa08e018bPost:16ce1fd9-4d26-490c-bcbb-4647c589980e">Re: Wicca/Pagan Wedding... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Offbeat and interfaith rarely have anything. One of the easiest things to incoperate would be a handfasting ritual. Personallly I would recommend you get a copy of "Inviting Hera's Blessing Handfasting and Wedding Rituals" By Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein. Its an amazing guide on pagan weddings. And even has a wonderful section on interfaith weddings. Another decent one is "Handfasting A Pagen Guide to Commitment Rituals" By Rev. Dr. Kendra Vaughan Hovey. But you have plenty of options. I'm actually writing our ceramony myself. To me is easier becuase I can make sure that everyword is meaningful to me and the FI. If you need any help feel free to PM me.
Posted by nefariousmoon[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your help! I'll definitely find those books. Even though I know my fiance wouldn't let a handfasting ritual fly at our wedding. Both his mom and my dad are VERY Christian and while I don't care what others think (because it's MY wedding *hello Bridezilla!* lol) my fiance is afraid of offending someone. Especially since none of our families know about my religious beliefes. But thank you for steering me in the right direction! :)

LoveMonkey611 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wiccapagan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:67780d05-b1ac-4cfd-bcc3-9dcfa08e018bPost:97799723-a22e-4abe-8728-83ee6490c616">Re: Wicca/Pagan Wedding... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it's not the same, but what about the gothic wedding board for some ideas? Also, I think I've seen that churches won't allow handfasting ceremonies because they have Pagan roots. And I used this website to find readings for my wedding. These vows are on that website (website is: <a href="http://www.documentsanddesigns.com/verse/Celtic_marriage_wedding_vows.htm#t3)B" rel='nofollow'>http://www.documentsanddesigns.com/verse/Celtic_marriage_wedding_vows.htm#t3)B</a> Pagan Wedding Vows I, (grooms full name), in the name of the spirit of God that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take thee (bride's full name) to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one. To desire thee and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself. (to Bride) I (bride's full name), in the name of the spirit of God that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood, and the love that resides within my heart, take thee, (Groom's full name) to my hand, my heart, and my spirit to be my chosen one. To desire and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself.
Posted by MrsChasey[/QUOTE]

Thankfully we're not having a church wedding so even if we did a handfasting ritual it would be fine. I love these vows though. It's exactly what I was looking for when asking for help. I knew my fiance wouldn't let any *In your Face* (as he calls it) Pagan rituals make its way into the ceremony but he really (to my surprise) liked these vows!! So thank you for your help! I'll be sure to check out that site too :)

renegade gaucho · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wiccapagan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:67780d05-b1ac-4cfd-bcc3-9dcfa08e018bPost:4e70cd6b-789d-43c5-a3b2-3fb7ea115c78">Re: Wicca/Pagan Wedding... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wicca/Pagan Wedding... Help! : Thank you for your help! I'll definitely find those books. Even though I know my fiance wouldn't let a handfasting ritual fly at our wedding. Both his mom and my dad are VERY Christian and while I don't care what others think (because it's MY wedding *hello Bridezilla!* lol) my fiance is afraid of offending someone. Especially since none of our families know about my religious beliefes. But thank you for steering me in the right direction! :)
Posted by LoveMonkey611[/QUOTE]

That's kind of strange that he would be worried about offending people. I'm not a Christian, but I go to Christian weddings all the time and I'm not offended just because the couple getting married subscribes to beliefs that I don't . Are you planning to keep your beliefs a secret forever? I'm not trying to stir the pot, but I really don't see how your fiance expecting you to keep it all under wraps, even during your own wedding, is very supportive. Your ceremony should reflect both of your beliefs, and if the bigots in his family choose to be offended by it, that's their problem, not yours.

redheadfsu · May 2011

[QUOTE]
help! I'll definitely find those books. Even though I know my fiance wouldn't let a handfasting ritual fly at our wedding. Both his mom and my dad are VERY Christian and while I don't care what others think (because it's MY wedding *hello Bridezilla!* lol) my fiance is afraid of offending someone. <strong>Especially since none of our families know about my religious beliefes.</strong> But thank you for steering me in the right direction! :)
Posted by LoveMonkey611[/QUOTE]

I think that maybe you & your FI need to have a talk. What happens when you have kids or when his family wants you to participate in something you are not comfortable doing because of your beliefs? He needs to back you up. Now I'm not saying be disrespectful to his family, but just be honest. He is asking that you hide your beliefs, which is wrong. If you both are not Christians, then it is wrong to pretend otherwise. Lying is bad & at some point they will figure out that your beliefs differ. Time to be an adult & be honest with them.

ETA: I'm not religious & I was honest about it. It wasn't easy, but it has to be done. (As long as you are not disrespectful it is fine. Just briefly explain/clarify & then change the topic)

pnutkitten · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wiccapagan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:67780d05-b1ac-4cfd-bcc3-9dcfa08e018bPost:16ce1fd9-4d26-490c-bcbb-4647c589980e">Re: Wicca/Pagan Wedding... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Offbeat and interfaith rarely have anything. One of the easiest things to incoperate would be a handfasting ritual. Personallly I would recommend you get a copy of "Inviting Hera's Blessing Handfasting and Wedding Rituals" By Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein. Its an amazing guide on pagan weddings. And even has a wonderful section on interfaith weddings. Another decent one is "Handfasting A Pagen Guide to Commitment Rituals" By Rev. Dr. Kendra Vaughan Hovey. But you have plenty of options. I'm actually writing our ceramony myself. To me is easier becuase I can make sure that everyword is meaningful to me and the FI. If you need any help feel free to PM me.
Posted by nefariousmoon[/QUOTE]

As a fellow pagan, I would suggest this ^, as well being open and honest with your FI and his family about your beliefs. Also, many people dont understand what handfasting is, so if you just took elements from it (like the actul tying of the cord) then I doubt they would be offended since they wouldn't know the roots of it.

kmmssg · May 2011

Go over to the Second Weddings board and page Handfast4me. She is super friendly and can answer most of your questions from the bride's POV. She's great.

Frogger5 · May 2011

Also not trying to stir the pot too much, but it might make you happy to realize/remember that a lot of Christian traditions have pagan roots anyway. Why do we throw rice? To ensure fertility. Just one example.

handfast4me · May 2011

So, lots of Pagans here, but the knot gods REFUSE to give us a board. Nor will they give a Celtic one a whirl. So, there is still discrimination. :-P

If you google "subtle handfasting" you'll find lots of ceremonies that Christians won't recognize as Pagan. So many of us are in the broom closet because many Christians have been misinformed that Paganism is devil worship. (I actually had a woman say that to me about a year ago on one of these boards--she thought I was a devil worshiper. I had to explain that I can't worship something I don't believe in!!!!)

PM me if you need some examples, I would be happy to share both my handfasting ceremony and my legal wedding ceremony, which incorporated a lot of Pagan traditions in it.

Blessed be.

Temmith · May 2011

My FI and I also come from Catholic families, although we now consider ourselves Pagan. He's wiccan, while I'm "eclectic".

I would like to echo what some other brides have said. You should probably talk to you FI about how important it really is to you to incorporate your traditions into the ceremony, not just his/your families'. He might not want to offend others, but it's not a good idea to start life out together with him believing that keeping everyone else happy is more important than keeping YOU happy. You both should be happy with how the ceremony is conducted.

That being said...

If you're looking for online info, the offbeat weddings section here might prove useful. Also, the website Offbeat Brides has a lot of useful information for "alternative weddings", especially Pagan weddings. I just don't think they have as many resources as The Knot does. But it is a fun site.

http://www.handfasting.info/index.html is another good site. Check out Historical Traditions />> History of Anglo-Saxon Customs, as well as Rituals >> Subtle Wedding/Handfasting. Those will probably be the two most interesting sections to you.

Also, if you can get your hands on a variety of handfasting books, you might be able to piece together a subtle pagan wedding ritual into your ceremony. I have a friend who is planning on being a protestant pastor, but him and his bride basically had a handfasting during the ceremony! Their pastor wrapped his stole around their hands and told of how in the past, they would bind a couple's lives together by binding their hands. He put a Christian spin on it, but it worked.

My FI and I are planning to have a non-denominational minister do our ceremony and replace any mention of God with "the Divine" or "the Heavens" (etc), phrasings which both have meaning for us and for our families. People will hear what is most meaningful to them even if you mean it differently.

It might be a bit blatant if you call quarters in the middle of the ceremony, but maybe you (or someone else you know of Wiccan tradition) can go in and quietly cast a circle or bring in some physical representation of the elements and place them in their respective directions. If you don't have someone who could do this for you, maybe ask your officiate if they can plan to have a few moments of silence for contemplation before the ceremony begins in earnest. During that time, you could silently cast your circle.

That's all I can think of now. :P Hope it helps.

handfast4me · May 2011

In our ceremony, we referred to the points, without calling quarters in our legal wedding, so there are ways to do it. Another great book is Magical Rites of the Crystal Well--some basics there that might be able to help.

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