Having a hard time with how I'll look on my wedding day

Gus*sgirl · February 2012

Hi all,

I'm a plus size bride and my wedding day is coming in about 100 days. Due to many reasons (and one, of course, being laziness) I haven't been able to lose as much weight as I'd have liked. I know the time is not over, but even if I am successful from now on, I won't have gotten as far as I'd have liked. I'm having a hard time with every picture taken of me and seeing how I look. My dress is beautiful, but I don't like how I look in it, or any dress. I'm way bigger than I usually am and wanted to be. I'm getting really upset about looking at my wedding photos years from now. I don't want to look (and feel) like this on my wedding day.

I love my fiance more than anything; I can't wait to be his wife. He loves me at any size and thinks I'm sexy and beautiful. But my body issues are making my dread my wedding day. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to get over this?

divinemsbee · February 2012

Yeah, I'm having some of those moments, too. I've lost some, and have plans to lose more, but I feel like unless I lose more than is really possible, or healthy, that I won't like how I look. It doesn't help that everyone (at least to me) keeps talking about how this is the "most photographed day of your life." Here's what I'm doing: keeping my head down, working hard, but recognizing that I won't be model-perfect. I think that even if we have accepted that fact in our normal, everyday lives, it's for some reason so much harder to accept that we can't have that on this day. I also woudl recommend maybe, if you are able to, spend a little more money on your hair, make-up and accessories. Get a good photographer, having someone who knew how to take really flattering pictures (and use minimal, but really flattering photoshop) was a must for me. Make yourself feel as flawless as possible in every other way, so you're not worrying about that. I know that seems like such a cliched fat girl answer ("you can always buy shoes"), but I think it's really going to make me feel better.

PirateLady · February 2012

Have some internet hugs...

I feel the same way. I'm looking at my first major dress shopping experience and its got me pretty anxious. It's so easy to go to a dark place and hate your body. It might help to take a break from the internet or bridal porn for a while. I decided last night that looking at pictures of models in gowns was only making me sad, because I keep comparing my body to the model's.

Try to keep telling yourself that your FH loves you and thinks your beautiful. It's not much, but try to hold on to that fact. He already thinks your gorgeous!

I'm sure you'll look good in your pictures. Can you play dress up with a friend? Maybe take some test pictures? If not in your actual gown, than maybe just get dolled up and take some glamour shots? I don't know. I'm just throwing out suggestions. I have yet to find a way to thoroughly slay the body image demons, myself.

I'll also second a good photographer. I generally hate every picture that's taken of me. Over the summer, FH and I had our picture taken by an actual photographer. He showed us how to stand, used a good angle, and got the lighting right. It made so much of a difference. It's one of the few pictures of myself that I actually love.

thedivav · February 2012

Start looking in the mirror everyday sayin I love how I look no matter wht size Yeah sounds corny but it works Put positive sayings where u can see them everyday Push the negative talk be it your own or others out your head I know easier said than done but it can be done I love at 220 or 280 and in between it took me a loooonnngggg time to get here Hugs

mollyehren · February 2012

I am signing myself up for a race. I figure it will force we to work out so I will be able to participate. Also got a groupon for a one month bootcamp Lastly the last 8 weeks before the wedding I'm going to use the hcg shots and diet plan to drop 20-30 pounds from whatever I am at the time.

cinderellasjc · February 2012

I'm sure on your big day you will look beautiful and you wont be thinking about all the pictures being taken. With that said.... maybe you should take some pictures of yourself and put them around the house. If you aren't happy with what you see, It may motivate you.

tiffielynn91 · February 2012

Invest in some really good underdress garmets, I know how you feel in the last 2 years i have gained almost 75 lbs and i hate my body. I got a corset back dress and i love it. i am just worried that i am going to look so bad. I deffently agree with a good photographer, and hair and makeup. Just keep telling yourself you beautiful. and you love yourself.

vexie · February 2012

Invest in really good undergarments! Seriously! I was so terrified about getting the wedding pictures and video back. I was sure I was going to cry and want to destroy them all.... but I was so pleasantly shocked when I saw how amazing I looked! I'm 5"4, 190'ish pounds, wore a size 20 gown and in the photos I have a flat stomach! ME!!! I've never had anything even close to resembling 'flat' in my life lol. But I wore a long line bra with built in boning, a girdle underneath that came up really high on my rib cage and then the corset in the dress. They were all worth every penny. I felt like a princess that day.... and looked really good too

(ps... I also did things to help out such as added wide straps to my otherwise strapless gown which did wonders to hide the backfat

I also last minute decided to wear a veil tucked under my updo... again to take away from any backfat that might escape from the straps lol) They worked perfectly!)

ShiloDS · February 2012

I've had the same worry. These past few days, I've shed quite a few tears worrying about my wedding pictures and hating them. I'm plus size but I'm ok with my body. However, when I gain weight, it all goes to my face and I'm so unhappy with how chubby my face is right now and the chin area. I'm so scared of the dreaded double chin ruining every picture.

I wasn't originally going to do engagement pictures but I think I will to practice good angles and know what to expect from my wedding pictures.

If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it or if anyone has any pictures they can share from their wedding, that'd be awesome so that maybe it can give other knotties ideas for poses.

Amt2109 · February 2012

I don't know how much this will help, and I don't want to minimise your feelings at all.

I was worried about this very issue myself. I hate my upper arms, chose a strapless dress... actually wasn't massively keen on the dress I ended up wearing, it was a last minute thing. I really thought I was going to hate the way I looked (during the fittings I hated me in the dress).

On the day.. thought didn't even cross my mind. I didn't care about my arms - I'd bought a bolero I didn't end up wearing. I was just so focused on everything else and the fact everyone had come out anyway (we got married during a hurricane).

Even looking back at the photos - yes I may get a tinge of I wish I looked better. But, for the most part - and I'm being honest here - I look more at the pictures as a whole. I don't focus on my body in the pictures. I focus on how happy I looked, and how good we looked together.

Trust me... I know it seems awful and overwhelming now... but its really not going to seem that important on the day. I know everyone talks about having the perfect dress and blah blah blah... I got married in a dress I didn't like, and I felt great the entire day.

atlsunshine408 · February 2012

I am having the same issue. I haven't bought my dress yet but I am dreading it. I know he loves me regardless, but having to see these pics forever is a huge worry. I am trying really hard to lose some weight, but even if I don't I keep telling myself that he loves me regardless. Maybe it will get in my head before too long!

entropicbeauty · February 2012

I think everyone here needs to work on their self-love!

You don't have to be a size 2 to look good in pictures and if you work on having self-confidence it will show through not only in pictures but in every aspect of your life! I hate my arm fat and I'm still going with a strapless dress and am just going to not focus on what I think looks bad on myself, but instead look for the positives!

Your friends and family will not judge you, they love you and will want to see you be happy on your wedding day - just keep that in mind

jeffsgirl100612 · February 2012

I am 5' tall and 300 some pounds, I know I am big.. but I am comfortable in my skin... I have always been very self confident and know I am cute even if I am a fatty! But with that said I am dreading going to try on dresses tomorrow.... I am afraid I am going to look like the Stay-puff marshmallow girl LOL
I know to stay away from ball gowns they will just swallow me up but what other advice do you ladies have?

doopie1221 · February 2012

Hello All,

I'm going to sound very cliche right now but here goes....we, as plus size women, need to be happy with ourselves first and foremost.

Like most, I dreaded going to try on dresses because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find something to try on in my size. Let it be known that I wear an 18. Yes, like everyone else I tend to focus on my flaws. Here's the secret to dress shopping, DON'T FOCUS ON THE FLAWS!!! Find what you like about your body and focus on that. For me, my boobs looked freakin' AWESOME! The corset back did wonders for my waist and finally when I was about to give up, my dress found me.

For those of you who have already had the honor of your dress finding you, there was obviously something that made you feel like the queen that you are. For those of you who are still shopping, focus on the fabulousness that you are and your dress will come.

As simple as this sounds, if you want to get out of the "dumps" go for a walk every day for at least 30 minutes. It will get your endorphines up and you'll start to feel better about yourself and everything around you.

nicolej518 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_having-hard-time-ill-look-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:7c0de386-3e78-4516-866c-6d73c6aeab32Post:a18aa924-65ab-41e5-8219-32ee86c34971">Re: Having a hard time with how I'll look on my wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 5' tall and 300 some pounds, I know I am big.. but I am comfortable in my skin... I have always been very self confident and know I am cute even if I am a fatty! But with that said I am dreading going to try on dresses tomorrow.... I am afraid I am going to look like the Stay-puff marshmallow girl LOL I know to stay away from ball gowns they will just swallow me up but what other advice do you ladies have?
Posted by jeffsgirl100612[/QUOTE]

<div>I was dreading the experience as well. ALL of the dress pictures I brought with me to the shop had pick ups. Don't know why, I just really liked the look. When I got there, my cousin saw a dress I had, and said she could see me in something like that but more mermaid/trumpet cut. I kind of brushed it off thinking that it wouldn't look good because I am so big (about 240 lbs). I got a Mori Lee dress (3091) and absolutely love it! The corset back really helps show my figure. I have a relatively small waist for my size....it's the hips and butt that get me. The corset back allows us to tighten that up, and the ruching covers up the stomach. Accentuate the parts you (and FI) love about your body, and go from there! I know my arms aren't perfect, and the back fat is there, but hopefully I will distract everyone with my hourglass figure!!!</div>

AdiKlass · February 2012

Just anotherr hint about your photos...make sure your photographer has shot plus size people before!
Make sure they shoot a lot of your pics from above! I brought a step stool for our engagement pics for my photographer to use...and it made a WORLD of difference!
I KNOW you and all of us Plus size beauties will look spectacular of our day...trust me-even my size 4 MOH tears herself apart...so i figure-we all have stuff we hate about our bodies...but try and focus on getting all dolled up...NOT on your size!
good luck with everything!!

ckaufman92 · February 2012

I weight 220 and have always had body issues but when I went to try on my wedding dress and had my awesome family around me with tears in their eyes because of how I looked, I didn't give a crap. I hate my flabby arms and all of my fat rolls and back fat and how hunormous my boobs are but when I looked in the mirror all i saw was what my FH would see. His about to be beautiful wife walking down the aisle towards him. It never mattered after that. I know I'll look back some day and be like crap, I shoulda worked harder. But I gotta admit, i'm flipping lazy and don't mind my current weight issues. But right now, I just wanna be his wife, and I'm not gonna let anything ruin my happiness about that.

Gus*sgirl · February 2012

Original poster here. I want to thank you all so much. I have a long way to go (less than 3 months now! Eek!) It feels good to know that I'm not alone and I got great suggestions! I'd like to give y'all some interwebs hugs right back. I made sure my dress played up my shape. It may be big, but it's got some va-va-voom and my dress highlights it. I've been searching for a good bra and some girdle-type thing. I may wear Spanx, who knows! @Vexie, I didn't really want a veil but I'm considering it for the back fat reason! :P

@ShiloDS, I don't have photos to show you, but for the face, I lift my head up then angle it forward a bit to hide any double chin. It's hard to know how to stand because of flattering ways to slim the shoulders and arms.

@Jeffsgirl100612, For me, I found my thinnest part and accented that. Somewhere in my midwaist with a corset pulling in giving you the womanly figure can be so nice.

I'm slowly losing weight but there's my reality. I know I will be gorgeous on my wedding day (heck, I'm paying to make it so if it doesn't happen naturally!) and my FH doesn't care. I had an injury that made me depressed and inactive, so it's been extra hard being positive about how I'll look at the wedding. I'm working on it! And thanks to you all.

Having a hard time with how I'll look on my wedding day

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