RSVP Reminders?

bethmaceachern · May 2012

Our RSVP deadline was May 1st and we still have 71 guests (50% of our guest list) that have not responded. We did our RSVP s online but did send cards to family members that do not use internet, we've recieved all these cards back so there's no cards to wait for in the mail.
Is it bad etiquette to send out an e-mail reminder generated from our wedding website? All of our unrepsonded guests are from out of town and would have to travel quite far for the wedding and I'm expecting that many of these RSVPs will be declines. We understand if they are not able to travel and make it to the wedding and I feel like calling or e-mailing individually will put the guests on the spot and create an awkward conversation and guilt fot not being able to make it.
Thoughts?

LaBellaVita23 · May 2012

I would call each guest. It's a lot easier to ignore an e-mail than a phonecall. Plus the electronic communication didn't work for you originally, so I would change it up.

jessicabessica · May 2012

Call each guest. However, according to your planner, your wedding is in September. These guests probably have not decided if they are able to attend or not. Invitations should go out 6-8 weeks of the wedding, so you are way ahead of schedule on asking for RSVPs. It is too early for people to plan.

LaBellaVita23 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-reminders-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1522c806-a94b-4358-ab6d-510ea25c2089Post:99e0abf0-49f8-43da-8a89-6a7556b54619">Re: RSVP Reminders?</a>:
[QUOTE]Call each guest. <strong>However, according to your planner, your wedding is in September. </strong> These guests probably have not decided if they are able to attend or not. Invitations should go out 6-8 weeks of the wedding, so you are way ahead of schedule on asking for RSVPs. It is too early for people to plan.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
If this is the case, this is your fault for having the RSVP deadline four months before the actual event. No wonder most people haven't responded--they have no idea what their plans are yet!

bethmaceachern · May 2012

Definitely understand that the RSVP date is really early.......we thought a lot about this and discussed it with family/close friends before setting it. We're getting married where we live, which is a really small remote town in Northern Canada. There is only one hotel in town with a small amount of rooms and there are limited number of flights and seats that come in each day. For most of guests it's basically a destination wedding and a lot of the travel plans have to be made pretty far in advance as it is quite common for flights to book up and all the rooms at the hotel to book up (we have them blocked but the hotel needs us to release them by june so it doesn't affect their tourist bookings).
We're understanding if people still don't know their plans and don't mind giving them extra time, we would just hate for someone decide to come after july and then have no acommodations or flights available!

pgcp · May 2012

This is exactly why you shouldn't have sent invitations early. I know that it can't change things for you now, but for anyone lurking or who is questioning when to send invitation it should be helpful.

If you (universal you) feel that your guests need to know about the wedding well in advance, send save the dates, or better yet in my in my opinion, call and let them know of your plans. Invitations are then sent 6-8 weeks before the wedding and RSVPs are due back a week or so before your venues/caterer needs a final head count.

OP in your situation I would let it all go for now and then about a month before the wedding I would contact all your quests in person or by phone and reconfirm their plans. Yes, it will be a hassle for you but it isn't your guests' fault that you jumped the gun.

bethmaceachern · May 2012

Definitely hearing that I sent out invitations too early! We did send out save the dates back in January and I should have done a bit more reading before sending out the invitations......I just based this on what my other friends had been doing. For a wedding that I was in last summer on July 23rd the RSVP date was in April, and another wedding I am bridesmiad in this summer on July 28th also had an RSVP date of May 1st. Maybe a regional trend? haha, who knows.

Anyway the other dilemma I face on waiting until right before the wedding is with my rentals and reception venue. The vendors I am renting from want to know this month how many tables, glasses, table clothes, napkins, centrepieces etc I need.....this is really hard to figure out when I have no idea what our guest numbers will be. Right now we have 33 accepts, 60 decline, and 70 non repsonses......it could be possible that all non-responses may decline since they are all from out of town....then again half of these guests could decide to come.

Thoughts on how to estimate numbers for our rentals?

pgcp · May 2012

I'd plan for everyone. I can't imagine that vendors need hard numbers this far out. Double check when they need hard numbers vs. soft/estimate numbers.

If you think about it there is very little need for any sort of solid numbers now. Flowers and food would go bad if they were bought now; tables, place setting, and the like are either already owned by the vendors or they need to order things. If they need to order they likely don't have the long term storage space for things and so wouldn't want to purchase this early.

Meegles4 · May 2012

I think Edie is right that you give them the total number of invitees and back down from there. Most of us probably had to do that with our vendors (I know I did for flowers, linens, and chair rental). That's what the vendors used to figure deposits and partial payments, but my balances weren't due until until a couple weeks before the wedding and by then I knew the final numbers and my vendors were able to back down from their original plans (and I ended up owing less than planned!)

bethmaceachern · May 2012

Thanks for the advice! Meegles4 it sounds like we will end up doing what you did....give deposit based on invites and then probably owe less right before the wedding:)

kmilon01 · May 2012

I'm in a similiar situation and I had to send invites early b/c we're doing a destination wedding on a cruise ship and there is a VERY hard deadline that we must obide by with the cruise line. I called individuals that hadn't RSVP'd but made it seem casual and as if they were the only person I had to call.
ex call: Hey Jen, I was just finishing up a few wedding things and couldn't find your RSVP card. Do you think you guys will be able to make it?
If they stuttered like they were going to come but i felt hesitation, I gave all the cruise info and flight info etc and told them I needed to submit all guest info "on Monday". I made Monday up, but just used that as a very close deadline. A few people had actually booked their cruise but just forgot to send us the info. The others had no intention of coming and I verified that on that phone call and was able to move on.

allykat0320 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-reminders-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1522c806-a94b-4358-ab6d-510ea25c2089Post:6d9a8f6f-e5d8-412c-b4d8-851507f25e6d">Re: RSVP Reminders?</a>:
[QUOTE]Definitely understand that the RSVP date is really early.......we thought a lot about this and discussed it with family/close friends before setting it. We're getting married where we live, which is a really small remote town in Northern Canada. There is only one hotel in town with a small amount of rooms and there are limited number of flights and seats that come in each day. For most of guests it's basically a destination wedding and a lot of the travel plans have to be made pretty far in advance as it is quite common for flights to book up and all the rooms at the hotel to book up (we have them blocked but the hotel needs us to release them by june so it doesn't affect their tourist bookings). We're understanding if people still don't know their plans and don't mind giving them extra time, we would just hate for someone decide to come after july and then have no acommodations or flights available!
Posted by bethmaceachern[/QUOTE]

You should DEFINITELY NOT have to make excuses for why you made your RSVP date a little further in advance than is "normal." You planned it that way for a reason, and it isn't anyone's place to judge you for those reasons, or to think it's OK to RSVP late. People are just RUDE and so utterly THOUGHTLESS.
What do they mean, they don't know what their plans are yet? Why don't they just say- "oh we are waiting to see if something better/something else/something cheaper comes up?"

That's the definition of PLANS- you make them in advance. You commit. If you can't commit to go to a loved one's wedding, then maybe you don't care enough about them in the first place, and the bride should be questioning her relationship with them and if it has to continue. I wish you the best of luck with those rude people.

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