Food pantry donation for shower gift?

PamperME1 · December 2011

Is a donation to a food pantry in the bride's name an appropriate bridal shower gift? Why or why not?

Simply Fated · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_food-pantry-donation-shower-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:b282a706-0629-4d98-bf22-4391086102c4Post:d11a9cf8-2db3-4ce4-ac9d-cc747aa22284">Food pantry donation for shower gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is a donation to a food pantry in the bride's name an appropriate bridal shower gift? Why or why not?
Posted by PamperME1[/QUOTE]

Bridal shower gifts are supposed to go to help the bride and groom as they begin their lives together as husband and wife. I'm sure shelters could always use food, but a bridal shower is neither the time, nor the place. If you want to donate food, go right ahead. But why bring the guests into it? Also, people usually like to choose their own charities to donate to. Are you asking as the guest or the bride?

PamperME1 · December 2011

I am the bride. A relative who I've had a rocky relationship with since my grandmother passed away 6 months ago was still invited to my shower as a gesture of respect to the rest of the family. She did not RSVP or show up, but sent a card with another relative. The card had written in it how she donated money in my name to a food pantry. We in my immediate family are insulted and my fiancé and I feel disrespected. I think the relative did this as a slap in the face since she had no intention of taking the shower to heart...but maybe she is dumb and thought she was doing well by me. I don't know.

What would you all do in response?

banana468 · December 2011

I don't really 'get' this. Someone donates in your name to something else without your permission. IMO, you do nothing. You're not the recipient and if the donation was done in your name then doesn't the organization owe YOU the TY note?

When it comes to the relative, it sounds like you can continue the relationship that you had.

Simply Fated · December 2011

I wouldn't do anything. You already don't gave a good relationship with her, so why make a bad situation worse? I doubt she did it as a slap in the face. That's harsh. It sucks, but it isn't the end of the world. I'd just move on because it isn't worth it, if you're already on bad terms with her.

PamperME1 · December 2011

I have not replied or sent her a thank you (the other TYs went out today). I am going to ignore her and leave it up to my parents if she is invited to te wedding, I guess.

KatieK501 · December 2011

Personally, I am considering this type of "registry" in lieu of gifts - where people who want to get us something can donate money or food to a particular charity instead. I am 27; I own my house, and between merging the things that my fiance has with my things, we have more than we need. Sure, we could upgrade and register for tons of things that I'd use once a year and the rest of the time it would just be collecting dust and taking up space, or be tacky and say we'd rather have money to update some of older finishes in my house, but I think we'd both rather help people who do actually need things. So for me, personally, I would love a gift like that (preferably with proof that it actually was donated).

However, I know that my preference is not everyone else's, so I would not give a gift like that to another bride.

I would do nothing in response. Maybe she did do it meaning well, and I would try to go with that. Even if she did not, confronting her will add nothing but hurt feelings and unneccesary drama; do you really want that at a time when you are celebrating love?

MairePoppy · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_food-pantry-donation-shower-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:b282a706-0629-4d98-bf22-4391086102c4Post:58322f6a-3261-4e7d-a117-6c7bf01526f5">Re: Food pantry donation for shower gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the bride. A relative who I've had a rocky relationship with since my grandmother passed away 6 months ago was still invited to my shower as a gesture of respect to the rest of the family. She did not RSVP or show up, but sent a card with another relative. The card had written in it how she donated money in my name to a food pantry. We in my immediate family are insulted and my fiancé and I feel disrespected. I think the relative did this as a slap in the face since she had no intention of taking the shower to heart...but maybe she is dumb and thought she was doing well by me. I don't know. What would you all do in response?
Posted by PamperME1[/QUOTE]

You are probably correct in your assumption that your grandmother was trying to insult you. If she did send a donation, in your name, then the food pantry will send you a note informing you of the gift. They should also send an acknowledgement of receipt to your grandmother.

You shouldn't let your grandmother have the satisfaction of knowing that she annoyed you. Write her a 'thank you for your generous donation to the food pantry, on our behalf. You'll never know how much your gift has meant to us." note.

Food pantry donation for shower gift?

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