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HELP need advice

aquao9aquao9
in Moms and Maids
My fiance and i have been together for 2.5 years and i met the mom early in our relationship. She never really gave me any discomfort at first but after we got engaged after dating a little over a year i started noticing her act wierd. It started with her just coming up behind Nic when he was sitting at the dinner table chatting and she would out her arms around him and turn to me and glare at me . She would continue to do this and still does. Then when it was time to start planning the wedding she wouldnt act interested at all. She would get up or interupt me while im asking her a question or showing her some ideas i had. She was always comparing me to her youngest son's girl whom had recently broken up due to the fact that the girl had cheated on him. The mom still loves her to death. I understand that they were close but the youngest son had only been up state for 2 months, traveled up there with everyone to watch him graduate from training, had us take her home (3 hour car ride) and then went back up the next day with her mom on a train that my fiances parents paid for. After she returned home the second time she told him that she had cheated weeks ago.....
It didnt bother me until she started threatening me and telling me i better never cheat on Nic and that it was a horrible thing to do. (then i got angry) Nic had previously traveled to Virginia for SEVEN MONTHS and i saw him once. the entire time he was gone i took care of the house and dogs. She would come over unannounced, stay as long as she liked, GO THRU HIS MAIL when he had told her not to. finally we started locking it in the office.
i dont understand how she can be okay with Nic's brothers girl cheating when she will still threaten me. recently the couple got back together and again while discussing the wedding she interupts me and with a huge smile informs me that they are back together and that the girlfriend is planning on moving to california to be with him.
Now since ive informed you a little bit about my situation here is my question..
She had asked earlier if she was invited to the bachelorette party and since my mom is inivited i said yes. Soon after that she began to put me down and even had Nic yelling at her to stand up for me because she was being so rude.
Can i and how can i tell her she is no longer invited. I wanted to be polite and kind and invite her but my mom and m.o.h. keeps telling me that i shouldnt be miserable at my own bachelorette party.
what should i do???
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Re: HELP need advice

  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    Wow she sounds fun. 

    Hmm. What kind of bachelorette is your MOH throwing you? If it's just dinner and hanging out, I doubt your FMIL would put you down in front of your own mother and best friends who would stick up for you in a heartbeat, you know? I would *think* she'd mind her manners. However it was rude of her to ask if she was invited/welcome in the first place. Also, I would have answered, "I'm not sure what MOH has planned so we'll see." But that's water under the bridge now. 

    I guess I would leave it up to your MOH or who ever is throwing you the bachelorette party. After all, they are the hosts, not you. There is no need to confront her about it and let her know she isn't invited. Just don't mention anything about it to her about it. If she asks you, say that your MOH handled the invitations and organized the whole thing, not you. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yikes!

    First, stop talking to her about your wedding.  There is no reason to keep bringing it up if she continues to interrupt you and put you down.

    If she continues her behavior, I would have your FI talk to her about it.  He should be sticking up for you and if you are uncomfortable or upset he needs to say something.

    As for the bach party.  That is a tough one.  You already said that she is invited so per etiquette you have to invite her.  Like PP said, I doubt she will make a scene or say something inappropriate in front of you friends and family.  Also, just because she is there doesn't mean that you have to carry on an all night conversation with her...you will have many other friends and family there that will distract you from any nasty stares she may throw at you.

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  • melntaittmelntaitt member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I would still invite her but stay very far away from her; and if she comes, say hello to be pleasant, keep moving around and mingling, don't allow her to corner you in the rest room and do your best to ignore her and enjoy your day.

    Chances are you'll be having such a good time, you won't even notice her there. If you truly believe she is going to make a scene, I would have the host of the party un-invite her; it's their event so let them handle it. If they're not comfortable, it's time for Nic to step in and reel in his mother.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Stop talking wedding talk with your FMIL.  When she starts to talk about the younger son and his gf, just smile and nod at eveything she says.  I'm glad to hear that your FI was sticking up for you with his mom.  He needs to stay on her about that. 

    And also he needs to put his foot down with her in regards to coming over while he was away for so long.  I probably would have changed the locks (if she had a key) and not answered the door.  I would only answer it if she called first to say she was stopping by.

    As for the B Party, she is already invited.  I doubt she would say anything infront of your mother.  But let your mom & a few friends know you don't want to be left alone with her.  If she corners you, hopefully one of them will see it and come to rescue you.  You can basically ignore her most of the evening interacting with your other friends and your mom.  And if she's starts up with some comments, I might ask one of my snarky friends to throw some comments back at her, if she starts.  But that's just me.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    There isn't a polite way to uninvite her. But I really want to help you get out of this. Enlist Nic's help. He can create an attractive better offer to her for that night. Wouldn't Nic love to have a special evening with his mom? Buy a pair of tickets to a special event for  evening of the bp. Nic can take his mom out to dinner, and then to the concert, show, ballet or whatever. It's still early, so if you have to change the night of bp so it conflicts with FMIL's special event, it shouldn't be a problem.

    Good luck.

                       
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fad56b07-4c8a-467f-a433-05bae61697d5Post:8fac5462-8b7f-49df-9d2c-8071a3f6bb6f">Re: HELP need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]There isn't a polite way to uninvite her. But I really want to help you get out of this. Enlist Nic's help. He can create an attractive better offer to her for that night. Wouldn't Nic love to have a special evening with his mom? Buy a pair of tickets to a special event for  evening of the bp. Nic can take his mom out to dinner, and then to the concert, show, ballet or whatever. It's still early, so if you have to change the night of bp so it conflicts with FMIL's special event, it shouldn't be a problem. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    You, MairePoppy, are a genius.
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  • renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its
    How did she get into your house?
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2012
    Thank you, Little Miss Cutie. Now, let's imagine Nic and his mom rocking it out at a Neil Daimond concert : )
                       
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fad56b07-4c8a-467f-a433-05bae61697d5Post:8fac5462-8b7f-49df-9d2c-8071a3f6bb6f">Re: HELP need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]There isn't a polite way to uninvite her. But I really want to help you get out of this. Enlist Nic's help. He can create an attractive better offer to her for that night. Wouldn't Nic love to have a special evening with his mom? Buy a pair of tickets to a special event for  evening of the bp. Nic can take his mom out to dinner, and then to the concert, show, ballet or whatever. It's still early, so if you have to change the night of bp so it conflicts with FMIL's special event, it shouldn't be a problem. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    This is SUCH a good idea! I feel so bad for you. She sounds like a nutter and I wouldn't want someone like that at my bach night either. The nasty side of me also likes the idea of planning something she wouldn't enjoy so she wont come.
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