"Things I learned are red flags" or "Tests that, in retrospect, we failed or skipped" or "Mistakes from last time and what I learned from them" or "Litmus tests I recommend"?
Something like this:
Before I married the first time, I asked my then-FI to make a list of 25 expectations he had for our marriage. He said he'd do it, I reminded him repeatedly, I made my own list and gave it to him, and even though he never did it and never mentioned why not, I went ahead and married him. You should not marry someone who cannot make a list of their expectations.
Another:
When I married the first time I was overly focused on the wedding itself, not because I was shallow or particularly cared about the wedding, but because I was lonely and not feeling the intimacy I needed from my then-FI. I didn't want to be a "bridezilla" and I tried my best to work on my relationship with FI, but I ended up disconnecting from what I feared would be bridezilla behavior, not by focusing on something more permanent and meaningful, but by just kind of zoning out and not giving a shlt about details. It didn't make me less stressed in the end, it just prevented me from having details that I was happy with. If the your retreat from control-freak behavior is apathy rather than bliss, you should not have a wedding.
Another:
When I was planning my first wedding and I read things like the above, it only strengthened my resolve to "prove" that I could be a "good" bride who "deserved" to have a wedding. It's not about whether you deserve to have a wedding, it's about whether the one you're planning will truly make you happy, whether it will be the day of your marriage to the most compassionate, compatible, trusting, and present partner you will ever need.
Yours?
"I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"