HELP

virdes · January 2013

I am 18 years old and newly engaged and my fiance keeps telling me to start planning the wedding which is planned for July of 2014, but we can't tell our parents or anyone close to us. I don't know where to start. I need help

gypsylynn2005 · January 2013

First, congrats! Now... Why can't you tell your parents hun? If the wedding needs planning you're going to need some help! Also it's much more fun if you can share your good news!

But this is a good place to start. Figure out how many people, where, and what budget you want for your wedding first.

AddieCake · January 2013

Why can't you tell anyone? Depending on your reasoning, I am tempted to say that if you are not mature enough to tell your parents, perhaps you are not ready to get married.

HobokensFury · January 2013

Sorry but if you can't tell your parents that means you're not old/mature enough to get married.

cwaggoner07 · January 2013

Why aren't you telling your parents? Are you embarassed? Do they not like the idea of you getting married? Getting married is a very adult decision, and part of being an adult is telling your parents that, whether they like it or not. Being scared to tell them is not a ringing endorsement of the maturity it takes to be married.

SlothGoals · January 2013

Well, aside from the red flags of not being able to tell your families or anyone close to you, why is your fiance telling you to plan the wedding? It is his wedding too so you should probably remind him of that. He is the one who should be helping you if you need help. If he is not willing to help you then maybe you two need to wait until you're mature enough to tell your families and he's matured enough to man up and help plan his wedding.

thejucheidea · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_help-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3f2656c4-4b68-4437-b3b4-4a1d616e09dePost:7e36c922-d5cf-404f-8596-c24cb52b469b">Re: HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry but if you can't tell your parents that means you're not old/mature enough to get married.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
This.

jcg23 · January 2013

I want to know as well, Why is it you can't tell your parents and I have a feelng it is perhaps he is much older than you. He is rushing it seems another issue. I mean getting married is exciting but him pushing is a bit odd. You really need to reconsider this. If you can't tell your parents it's because you know your mostlikely making a wrong decision.

thejucheidea · January 2013

I don't think she's coming back.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_help-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3f2656c4-4b68-4437-b3b4-4a1d616e09dePost:6593ca71-4c74-41f7-a5e6-2f068d8d3507">Re: HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think she's coming back.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

<div>And that's a bummer b/c now I'm intrigued!</div>

jcg23 · January 2013

She read comments and didn't like what we had to say. She doesn't want to hear any negative feedback she wants people to be happy for her and ignore that there are issues with her relationship, she has to have some knowledge she is making a mistake but thinks marriage will fix whatever issues they have, which we know it won't, I understand it so well, I've been there. But I am convinced she can't tell her parents because he is either older than her and/or they see red flags and worry of his behavior.

virdes · January 2013

I'm sorry. I actually forgot a posted until recently. And I haven't been able to do much on the computer since the last few days I have been sick. I am so far unable to tell my parents because I don't want to tell them over the phone and they do not skype. I am a freshman in college and do not go to college in my home state, so I am waiting until I go home in 5 months to tell them. He is not considerably older than me. He is 19 almost 20 and I turn 19 in July. I have in fact told my best friend who will be my maid of honor and she is very happy for us. My parents are not like most parents. I am the step-child and my step-mother and I do not get along. Anything I do is either wrong or not good enough and I'm trying to get over a terrible sickness and am not ready yet to deal with the lectures. And like I said before. I would like to tell them in person, especially since my fiance is in the military and stationed over-seas and I will be telling them alone. I need help planning this wedding because I have never been to a formal wedding and do not know exactly where to start. And my fiance is in fact helping to plan this wedding, but like I said before, he is stationed over-seas at the moment, which makes it difficult for him to help with the planning, since we're having it in Wisconsin (his home state).

Thank You

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_help-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3f2656c4-4b68-4437-b3b4-4a1d616e09dePost:e2577e80-44a5-4925-9900-3bc55621f978">Re: HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry. I actually forgot a posted until recently. And I haven't been able to do much on the computer since the last few days I have been sick. I am so far unable to tell my parents because I don't want to tell them over the phone and they do not skype. I am a freshman in college and do not go to college in my home state, so I am waiting until I go home in 5 months to tell them. He is not considerably older than me. He is 19 almost 20 and I turn 19 in July. I have in fact told my best friend who will be my maid of honor and she is very happy for us. My parents are not like most parents. I am the step-child and my step-mother and I do not get along. Anything I do is either wrong or not good enough and I'm trying to get over a terrible sickness and am not ready yet to deal with the lectures. And like I said before. I would like to tell them in person, especially since my fiance is in the military and stationed over-seas and I will be telling them alone. I need help planning this wedding because I have never been to a formal wedding and do not know exactly where to start. And my fiance is in fact helping to plan this wedding, but like I said before, he is stationed over-seas at the moment, which makes it difficult for him to help with the planning, since we're having it in Wisconsin (his home state). Thank You
Posted by virdes[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this information would have been much more useful in your first post. I think that you should call and tell your parents instead of waiting. I know my parents would have been upset if I waited 5 months to tell them I was engaged.</div><div>
</div><div>If you're planning a July 2014 wedding then you have tons of time before you really need to start doing anything. At this point all you need to do is decide with your FI what kind of wedding you want to have, a budget and start a preliminary guest list. You also might want to start pricing out venues in the area you want to get married in.</div><div>
</div><div>All that being said I still think you two should wait until you're a little more settled (read: finished school) before starting to plan a wedding.</div>

ahdm · January 2013

If you need help, maybe I can help a little or maybe we can help each other. I am a very young bride-to-be myself and I have only been to one formal wedding.. Our wedding is May of 2014 and I'm trying to get as much planning out of the way now, also, I understand about not being able to tell your parents, I went through the same ordeal. I don't understand why everyone is bashing you just because you need help with a wedding and have nowhere else to go. I thought that's what this website was for? Anyways, I will be glad to help you as much as I can

virdes · January 2013

We are doing our wedding in Wisconsin on his grandparents' property and will not have to pay for a venue.

ohmrs2014 · January 2013

I actually told my parents over the phone. I mean my parents knew it was going to happen because apparently FI talked to my dad the weekend prior. We were on vacation when he proposed, so over the phone was the obvious choice. I couldn't imagine waiting until I returned home to tell them. I think you should tell them over the phone.

Then you should talk to your FI and see what kind of wedding you want, how many people, a budget. I agree with PP, backyard weddings can be expensive as well. A coworker of mine had her wedding in her backyard and after rentals, food, liquor, the DJ, and whatever extra she had she paid about $10G for 180 people.

virdes · January 2013

I think I will tell my parents here soon. That way I can start getting family names (my mom's family is GIANT and I don't know everyone's names) and thank you for the input on the outdoor weddings, that will definately be something we hadn't thought of for expenses.

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_help-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3f2656c4-4b68-4437-b3b4-4a1d616e09dePost:918779ea-b08b-4a80-8ed5-d8e61eaa9578">Re: HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]If you need help, maybe I can help a little or maybe we can help each other. I am a very young bride-to-be myself and I have only been to one formal wedding.. Our wedding is May of 2014 and I'm trying to get as much planning out of the way now, also, I understand about not being able to tell your parents, I went through the same ordeal. I don't understand why everyone is bashing you just because you need help with a wedding and have nowhere else to go. I thought that's what this website was for? Anyways, I will be glad to help you as much as I can :)
Posted by ahdm[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nobody was bashing the OP. </div><div>
</div><div>She started off the thread with a message that could have been construed as panicked and gave us very little information as to what kind of help she needed. Posters responded to the information she gave. Most young brides will be given the advice to wait because contrary to popular belief (of young brides) you will change as a person.

</div>

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_help-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3f2656c4-4b68-4437-b3b4-4a1d616e09dePost:e816d76f-3044-4743-9e37-a3e6c8344ccc">Re: HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]You won't have to pay for the venue, but there are other expenses to consider, such as: tent rentals (to keep your guests out of the sun); <strong>whether the event will be catered or you'll do a potluck;</strong> storing food safely (i.e. refrigeration and proper warming); providing electricity for the lighting, music, etc.; bathrooms, the list goes on. "Backyard" weddings can be just as expensive, or more expensive, than weddings at a dedicated venue. My future step sister in law had her reception at my FMIL's residence, and the total tab for tent rentals, alcohol, food and clean up came to $6k for 130 people.
Posted by coopergirl15[/QUOTE]

<div>OP this is a bad idea. Guests should NEVER be asked to bring food to an event you are hosting.</div><div>
</div><div>Other than that Coopergirl has given you a lot of things you will need to start thinking about.</div>

virdes · January 2013

I understood that no one was bashing on me. I accept constructive criticism and these were all views I needed to hear because I'm sure I will hear all of this from my family when I tell them and it gives me a little help in not overreacting. Thank You. And we do not expect guests to bring any sort of food.

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_help-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3f2656c4-4b68-4437-b3b4-4a1d616e09dePost:cacd043c-873f-4e89-9591-9d2e4da409d6">Re: HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I understood that no one was bashing on me. I accept constructive criticism and these were all views I needed to hear because I'm sure I will hear all of this from my family when I tell them and it gives me a little help in not overreacting. Thank You. And we do not expect guests to bring any sort of food.
Posted by virdes[/QUOTE]

<div>That post was for the girl who thought we were bashing you :) I'm glad that you're listening to all the views that the ladies on here are putting forth though! Stick around the boards and you'll be able to get help with all aspects of wedding planning. Strangers on the internet are far more likely to tell you the truth about your ideas than family and friends are!</div><div>
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virdes · January 2013

I know for a fact my parents aren't going to like my getting married at a young age, or in my freshman year of college, so hearing everyone's views kind of gives me a heads up on what to expect my parents to say. I do believe we are having it catered. We will not do a potluck just cause I have so many food allergies myself that there would be to high of a risk of someone bringing something i'm allergic to and me not knowing they put that ingredient in it.

Thank You

s-aries8990 · January 2013

Step 1) figure out your budget. Who is paing for the wedding? Consider your parents' feeling and don't plan on them to pay for a wedding they may not agree with (IDK them so they might!)
2) figure out your estimated guest count. Who are you planning on inviting? Family? Friends? Large? Small? It's better to budget for more people than for less.
3) start pricing out near-by rental companies. You'll need: chairs for ceremony (1 chair per butt!), tent , reception chairs, tables, food tables (if buffet), cake table, music, dance floor, caterer, beverage options, lavatory rentals.

Will you both be under 21? If so, you'll save a ton of money on alcohol!

gypsylynn2005 · February 2013

If your future hubby is military I recommend going to the chaplain and doing a pre marriage counseling session too. Actually, most require it and many chains of command really appreciate the heads up the military guy is getting married. The counseling session will help give you guys a place to start talking about what you both want out of not only the wedding but the marriage itself!

We are wanting to get married by the chaplain so we will be doing the session, it's not a bad thing or a "you have problems" kind of session. Marrying a military man can be a dreamy romantic and fun experience but you really need to know what is store too. There are a lot of lonely nights, confusing orders, and many moves all over the world. Since you are engaged I recommend also getting with the FRG (if he's enlisted) or OSC (if he's an officer) and talking to the girls there. Having a great support system of ladies who understand your situation helps a lot! You have plenty of time to plan so right now I agree with the other ladies, announce your engagement and spend lots of time celebrating the fact you're a newly engaged woman!

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