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My 2nd Marriage, his 1st....what is proper?

jen291jen291 member
First Comment
in Second Weddings
I was married nearly 13 years ago. I had the shower, church wedding, etc. I have been divorced for 5 years and am now getting remarried. This is his first wedding. So is it proper to have a bridal shower? Do I still invite my family to the shower? Do I wear a regular wedding dress? Please help. I don't know what's protocal for my 2nd but his 1st. I don't want to jip him out of a wedding but I don't want to see greedy either.  HELP.  Thanks!
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Re: My 2nd Marriage, his 1st....what is proper?

  • debi1941debi1941 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You have definetly come to the right place for helpful insght and advice.....I have asked many questions and had great responses!

    Everything you had in your first marriage is true for  second marriage!

    Yes you can be thrown a bridal shower and of course family can be invited....anyone who is attending the wedding can be invited.....it will ultimately be your choice of course...

    You can "SAY YES TO THE DRESS"...any dress you want, whether bridal or evening or any other gown that may be suitable fo your tastes and venue....

    For example....

    I am 47, getting married in February , a 2nd marriage for both of us...

    I am wearing a wedding dress, I am being thrown a Luncheon (not a shower) but everyone I had them invite is treating it as a shower and tonite I am even going to register for gifts....so I do't get any "chilli pepper lamps"  or another VASE i do not need.... lol  (thank you Knotty girls for that advice!!!)

    Everyone will tell you, there are no "rules" any more...It is what you and your Fiance want...since it is his first...he may want it all!  Enjoy it....

    Congratulations....lt us know all your wonderful details!!!
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Debi pretty much said it all.  It is really up to the two of you.  Congrats and have fun!
    Anniversary
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  • jen291jen291 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for the insight. I wasn't sure if I shouldn't invite my family to a shower, since they've "Been there, done that" for me already.  I appreciate the advice. I still feel kind of strange doing it all again.  But, I have every intention that this one is the one that will last.  I don't intend on their being a third!  LOL
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Jen, congratulations and welcome to the board!!

    You can create the wedding of you and your FI's dreams, within the budget you set of course.  You can wear a wedding gown, veil  and all of the accessories you would for a first wedding or any thing else you want.  You can have a large bridal party or none.  You can have your dad escort you down the aisle or go it alone. 

    The only rules you have to follow are those that ediquette dictate. No asking for things such as showers, bachelorette parties - etc. Don't request csh in lieu of gifts. Retread can tell you all the do and don't's in this area.  She's great!

    You should register, unless you want something that you would classify as a white elephant gift.
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  • jen291jen291 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So I shouldn't have any kind of shower or bachelorette party? This is one part I'm really concerned about. I dont want to seem greedy. But at the same time, I don't want his family to be 'jipped' out of a bridal shower for thier son/nephew/etc.
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  • cincychick35cincychick35 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think MikesAngie was saying you shouldn't ASK for a shower or bachelorette party (that predicated by ettiquette - and a first time bride shouldn't ask for one either).  But you CAN certainly have one!  One thing I have learned from this board is there are no "rules" for a second wedding, it is whatever you and your FH would like.  So go for it, have the day you would like to have.
    Wish you all the best!
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I know the standard line on this board is that anything goes for a second wedding, but I don't agree (and yes, my marriage to DH is my second). I would be pretty appalled to be invited to a shower for a family member or friend for a second wedding. If you want a "traditional" wedding because it's his first, I get that. But I would limit any showers to his side and not ask your friends/family to participate.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My second marriage was to someone who had never been married before.  And we both wore long ivory dresses, veils, pearls, and opera gloves.  We got married in a synagogue.

    We didn't have showers, only because I refused to attend one.  Friends did throw us a couple of bachelorette parties.  We registered for gifts after we sent out invitations, and people started asking us where we were registered.
    Anniversary
    Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale
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  • jen291jen291 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is what I'm afraid of...that anyone who was invited to my 1st shower will be offended if they were invited to a 2nd one. However, most of my friends weren't at my 1st one & most of my family that was at my 1st shower have since passed on. So very few that were at the 1st one would be invited to a 2nd one anyway.  But, if there were some people at the 1st one, should I simply not put them on an invite list for this shower then?
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    Welcome Jen!


    It's my 1st wedding, my fiance's 3rd. Over T-giving his family asked if I wanted a shower, they would plan one. We have two households to merge, and I told them I really didn't think we needed one for gifts. However, if they wanted to plan something for a "get together" that would be fine with me.


    My boss has offered to host a bachelorette party, which I look forward to.


    Don't short change your groom in any way that he may want to have celebratory events. Discuss it with HIM and find out what he thinks is appropriate as far as the wedding is concerned. If he wants the whole full blown affair, then do it. The fact you've been married before is a blip in your combined history......... doesn't matter this time.

    Good luck.

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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-marriage-his-1stwhat-proper?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:bde19833-7734-4528-819f-1ba8f0bee080Post:a618f01e-abfa-46d5-b2b1-7dfc998183ea">Re: My 2nd Marriage, his 1st....what is proper?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can invite them. <strong><font color="#993366">They'll decline if they feel it's inappropriate.
    </font></strong>Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I think you might work yourself up into knots is you keep worrying about how someone will react.  Think about it this way ... there are people who have some sort of problem with any and everything (first wedding, second wedding, attire, venue ... on and on!).  <u>You cannot control how they feel</u>.  If someone offers to host a shower, discuss it with your fiance and if the two of you are good with it, give thanks and enjoy the occassion!  Best of luck.
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  • jen291jen291 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you to all of you for your comments and opinions. It sure helps. I wasn't sure what I could or should do.  Thank you so much friends!
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