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Rabbi Payment Help

AMF2012AMF2012 member
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in Jewish Weddings

I know it is not nice to speak of money and what people paid for what, but!
FH and I are wondering what to pay our rabbi and when. We are not members of our Rabbi's synagogue but FH stepmom is. We have met with him twice already and are meeting with him again in 2 weeks. He said we can either pay him what we think is fair and/or make a donation to his discretionary fund. What did you do? And when did you do it? When you were meeting with him or after the wedding?

Also! Sorry!! Did you send him an invite or have a place setting for him at one of the tables?

Thanks ladies!!!!

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Re: Rabbi Payment Help

  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    We were married by a cantor, but we were not members of his shul (it was about 2 hours from our home, otherwise we probably would have been, but anyway).  His fee was $500.  We did not do a separate donation.  

    It seems like $250-$1000 is a fairly standard range for officiant fees.  Would you be comfortable making a donation in that range?  I would make the donation soon after the wedding.  Since he said to pay him and/or make a donation, I would also pay any travel expenses and give him a gift (I'm thinking a gift card to a restaurant or something).  Maybe let him know that you're planning to make a donation to his discretionary fund and pay his travel expenses, and see if he brings up additional payment?

    I would invite him and his spouse (if applicable) to the reception.  Our cantor would have stayed, but he had another wedding to get to--our wedding was veg/fish, though, and I know some rabbis will decline invites to non-kosher or kosher-style receptions.  

    Hope that helps!
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  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
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    Our Rabbi did it for no charge but we made a $500.00 donation to the non profit organization he works for.
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  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
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    ^oh we did it after the wedding.
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  • JoBell123JoBell123
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    The cantor that officiated at our wedding charged $600.  We are not members of his shul, nor are any of our family members.

    We paid him the week of the wedding.
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
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    edited January 2012
    Ditto PPs. You can do it at your last meeting, shortly after the chuppah ceremony, or a few days after the wedding. If you do it shortly after the chuppah ceremony, it's traditionally the best man's job to pass the money to the officiant.

    A donation to the discretionary fund is tax-deductible for you, but may be taxed to him. A gift is not tax-deductible for you, nor is it taxed to him (I'm pretty sure on that last part. Maybe he's supposed to report it as income - a gift from a non-family-member).

    It is customary to invite the officiant to the reception. It is best to give him a paper invitation, same as everyone else, so he has all the details in writing, rather than having to make a note of what you tell him. If he's married, his wife is also invited.
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
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    My parents belong to the the rabbi's synagogue.  It cost $500 for us. If we also wanted the cantor, it would've cost us an additional $400, so we went without a cantor. We paid the rabbi the day of the wedding and invited him and his wife to the reception.  He did attend the reception, but his wife was not able to do so.  He ended up leaving as soon as dinner was over.

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  • imimahoneyimimahoney
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    My IL's were members of the temple so there was no cost for the rabbi or cantor we used. But they made two donations in their names... rabbi, I believe was $500, and cantor was $250.. or maybe $300.
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