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Moms and Maids

What is the most "accepted" role of a Maid of Honor?

A friend on FB was posting about a wedding she is going to be in as the MoH and was venting about the bride (the post I assume was custom so the bride couldn't see). Apparently this bride is demanding that her MoH do everything for her, and all her free time should be spent doing research for this bride's wedding (even though my friend has her OWN wedding to plan too). Even things like make sure everything goes smoothly on the wedding day, have the bags packed and ready for the honeymoon, set-up and clean up the reception hall - just to name a few. There was a laundry list of things the MoH needed to do.

Some of it sounded reasonable, others sounded like it would be more along the lines of a wedding coordinator/planner (read: some one who is getting paid to do it). My friend seemed pretty frustrated with the workload she was being given and expected to complete.

So, I just became curious and wonder what exactly the duties of the MoH entailed. Seeing as this doesn't affect me, please feel free to be blunt. I've been a bridesmaid before, all I really did was go to a few things the bride asked me to (dress shopping, hair/makeup appointments, parties, etc.) and I don't remember the MoH having that many duties. I was an out-of-town bridesmaid though, and the bride understood my commute, so perhaps that could explain that? Also, the couple did have a wedding planner, so that could be why too. Anyway, I'm curious now, so please share what you think. =D What is acceptable, what is considered over-the-top? Thanks!

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Re: What is the most "accepted" role of a Maid of Honor?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-is-the-most-accepted-role-of-a-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b1190928-1f2e-4349-a32d-dd34bad9c425Post:19326ff0-769d-4626-92a9-385e522a10a3">What is the most "accepted" role of a Maid of Honor?</a>:
    [QUOTE]A friend on FB was posting about a wedding she is going to be in as the MoH and was venting about the bride (the post I assume was custom so the bride couldn't see). Apparently this bride is demanding that her MoH do everything for her, and all her free time should be spent doing research for this bride's wedding (even though my friend has her OWN wedding to plan too). Even things like make sure everything goes smoothly on the wedding day, have the bags packed and ready for the honeymoon, set-up and clean up the reception hall - just to name a few. There was a laundry list of things the MoH needed to do. Some of it sounded reasonable, others sounded like it would be more along the lines of a wedding coordinator/planner (read: some one who is getting paid to do it). My friend seemed pretty frustrated with the workload she was being given and expected to complete. So, I just became curious and wonder what exactly the duties of the MoH entailed. Seeing as this doesn't affect me, please feel free to be blunt. I've been a bridesmaid before, all I really did was go to a few things the bride asked me to (dress shopping, hair/makeup appointments, parties, etc.) and I don't remember the MoH having that many duties. I was an out-of-town bridesmaid though, and the bride understood my commute, so perhaps that could explain that? Also, the couple did have a wedding planner, so that could be why too. Anyway, I'm curious now, so please share what you think. =D What is acceptable, what is considered over-the-top? Thanks!
    Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]

    1. Be sober.
    2. Put on the bridesmaids dress.
    3. Stand next to the bride while she recites her vows.
    4. Sign the marriage license as a witness.
    5. Smile pretty for pictures.

    That's it.
  • A maid of honor somtimes holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony, fixes veil after bride walks down the aisle, signs marriage license and gives a speech.
  • Not everyone wants to follow these traditions (see comments above), but here's the list:
    http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx

  • LTG, the first thing every poster at The Knot needs to learn is to ignore everything Kristen789 posts.
  • My sister is getting married and I'm her MOH; I'm electing to help her with some planning because I live in NY and she lives in Barbados and she needs some items from my area. I'm not doing it because I'm the MOH; I'm doing it because my sister needs some help planning her wedding. She didn't delegate any tasks and she had a vision for a dress that I purchased; other than that...no tasks.

    Vacation White Knot
  • edited March 2012
    Please notice all the ads and links to ads on the websites that Kristin has provided. The websites and bridal magazines and guides make money by selling ads to companies that want you to believe that the M'sOH and bm duties include purchasing favors, invitations, matching paper goods, matching shoes, jewelry, and looking for products and services for the bride to purchase. It's all about money.They don't care if the bride ruins her relationships with her friends and family as long as everyone is spending lots of cash.

    The only absolute duties the MOH has is to buy the agreed upon dress, show up on time for the ceremony, pose for pictures and possibly sign the marriage certificate. Anything else is extra and should be regarded as a nice gift for the couple.

     *edited for spelling
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-is-the-most-accepted-role-of-a-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b1190928-1f2e-4349-a32d-dd34bad9c425Post:47be030f-e277-416e-8989-5bdc45f801c1">Re: What is the most "accepted" role of a Maid of Honor?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The wedding industry has done its job so well that "your bridesmaids have a job to do" is so ingrained into women that they don't even stop to THINK about it.  They just assume that's the way it's supposed to be, and don't ask questions.  HELLO????????  You out there.  Yes, you, the bride.  You sweet thing, happy in love, with the diamond sparkling on your finger. Would you ask your friend to plan a party for you on a normal day? Run errands for you? Pack your luggage for a trip? What was that you just said? Did I hear you just say, WTF? Yeah, exactly my point.  WTF.  Well, if you wouldn't do those things on a normal day, then why would you do it for your wedding?  Your friend doesn't want to do it then, either. Gals, if you need help for your wedding planning, it's very close at hand. That person is called your fiance.  Remember him?  The fiance? The guy you're marrying?  It's his wedding, too.  Tell him to get off his butt and start making some phone calls and going to some appointments.  Doing things together is good practice for the marriage.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


    This, exactly. Retread, you're my fave. :D
    image
  • edited March 2012

    For kicks I read that link to TK's MoH duties.

    I agree that, while your day is special (to mostly you and your fiance), no one else cares about it as much as you. I certainly wouldn't ask a friend to run my errands or do my bookwork for me. I can see it now, "Hey, BFF, would mind writing down all of the stuff I got and who gave it to me? Then could you help me pack for my vacation? Also, I need you to schedule all of my appointments for me. Oh, and can you plan a party for me while you're at it?" That is just silly talk. Granted, the emotional support part is probably accurate, but I would assume you would do that because you're a good friend - not because your MoH status requires it.

    I linked this thread to my friend. I don't know if she's read it yet or not, but I am sure she'll find useful information - and perhaps the bride might realize she's being a bit of a zilla.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-is-the-most-accepted-role-of-a-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b1190928-1f2e-4349-a32d-dd34bad9c425Post:6be48474-716d-4910-87bb-14d41ef03899">Re: What is the most "accepted" role of a Maid of Honor?</a>:
    [QUOTE]LTG, the first thing every poster at The Knot needs to learn is to ignore everything Kristen789 posts.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    Truer words have never been spoken...lol.
    Anniversary
  • OP - I would tell your friend to run screaming from this bride!  She is completely taking advantage of your friend!  My MOHs & BMs asked me constantly what could they do to help.  FI and I did a lot ourselves.  But I did take them up on their offers of help at times.  They assisted with assembling the invitations and wrapping up the favors.  Not all of them were able to make it, but I was happy for the help I got.  I always provided some food and it was great to just sit around and chat while we worked.  But I could NEVER ask them to pack for my HM for me or to clean up the reception hall afterwards!  They are my friends, not my slaves!!!!!

    The biggest thing I asked of my MOH was to be our designated driver home after the reception.  But she's currently preggers and lives 6 blocks away from us.  So she will be home 2 minutes after dropping us off at our front door :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-is-the-most-accepted-role-of-a-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b1190928-1f2e-4349-a32d-dd34bad9c425Post:0764ed1d-699b-4c69-a3c1-b66737004fa4">Re: What is the most "accepted" role of a Maid of Honor?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you've got really good friends and relatives, it's almost certain that they'll ask if there's anything they can do to help with the wedding.  It's most definitely fine to take them up on the offer. What's wrong is to expect it, or start handing out chores arbitrarily. I saw one list of MOH duties that included stocking the bride and groom's refrigerator while they're on their honeymoon.  Cripes.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This. I'd also add that the MOH holds the groom's ring at the beginning of double-ring ceremonies.

    But, in general, there are "rules" and "duties" we can list, but MOHs and BMs are usually the closest friends and family, people with whom you don't think about rules and duties, and newly thinking about them just 'cause there's a wedding going on doesn't really help.
  • A maid of honor shows up at the wedding on time, clean, sober, wearing the proper attire.

    Sometimes they also give a speech and hold the bride's bouquet.

    A really good maid of honor is willing to (sometimes) talk about the wedding, may offer to help with the planning, and throws a shower / bachelorette party for the bride.  However all these things are gifts and are not required.
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