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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Sitting or Standing

Would it be rude to make my guests stand during my ceremony? My wedding will held outside and will be no longer than 20 minutes. My fiance and I really don't like the fact that we have to pay an arm and a leg for guests to sit for no more than 30 minutes and wondering if it would be rude to have our guests stand.

Thanks

Re: Sitting or Standing

  • daria24daria24 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2013
    Please please PLEASE provide seats for your guests. Think about it: would you want to stand around, in the heat, wearing high heels, a nice dress, holding all your stuff, for 30 minutes? And what about the people who arrive 30 minutes early? Now they are standing for an hour. My guest list including at least 20 people with mobility issues that couldn't stand for 5 minutes, let alone 30. I'm a very healthy woman, but in heels I wouldn't last 10 minutes. What about your guests that have to hold a small child for that amount of time?

    Please be considerate of your guests and provide chairs. That way they will be able to enjoy the ceremony, instead of thinking "damn my feet hurt! How much longer is this going to take. I should have worn sneakers."
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    Please do provide enough seats for your guests plus 20% more so couples and families can stay together (you don't want your aunt and uncle sitting separately because all that's left is one seat in the 3rd row and one in the 7th)

    1. People might have mobility issues or injuries even if they don't ever talk about them.
    2. It is hard to stand in heels.
    3. People will end up standing more than 20 minutes if they arrive early. Also, there's typically a milling about period before people head to the car or cocktail hour.
    4. If you try to just provide chairs for people with mobility issues, other people won't realize that and will take the seats before grandma and grandpa arrive.
    5. People will spend your whole ceremony wanting it to end so they can be comfortable.
  • This isn't about rudeness, you're focused on the wrong thing.

    The ceremony itself is 20 minutes, you are correct.  However, they will be standing for longer.  People will show up as much as 15 to 20 minutes earlier, so that's 40 minutes of standing.  Then you may be delayed (it very commonly happens), so that's an additional 15.  Now your guests are standing for an hour.

    Not only that, but for some people, anything over 10 minutes of standing is torture.  I am only 30 years old, but just recently I herniated 2 discs in my back.  Standing is agony, and aggravates my injury.  If I came to your wedding, and found out that you thought seating me was inconvenient and a waste of time, I would not think much of you.

    Your guests are not a burden, or people to be resented.  Spending money on them is not a waste.  Give them seats.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2013
    Yes, it would be rude. And the tone of your post sounds, as Pele indicates, that you feel your guests are a burden, like providing them the courtesy of seating is something you resent having to do.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Every butt needs a seat

  • Every person needs a seat to sit in. The comfort and happiness of your guests should be your number one concern. If there are no seats, not only will people who can't stand for very long be forced to leave, but everyone else will be uncomfortable and won't pay any attention to your ceremony. They'll probably spend a lot of the reception talking about how terrible the ceremony was. No one will notice the pretty centerpieces or the monogrammed napkins, and if they do, they'll be thinking, "Great - they are more about how pretty everything looks than their guests."

    To echo PPs, I'm 25 and have hip dysplasia (yes, it's not just a dog thing). I rarely talk about it with people and it's typically only an issue when I stand - especially in heels. If I pushed myself and made it through the 30-45 minutes I'd be standing there, I'd be MISERABLE that night and for the next few days. 

    Put on some nice heels and stand somewhere for 30-45 minutes. If your ceremony is outside, stand in your yard. See how long it takes you to be uncomfortable. 

    Please, please spend the money to have chairs and if necessary, cut expenses elsewhere. 
  • Just to add one more point (in case it wasn't clear enough)

    Having seating just for those with disabilities won't work either.  Not only may you not be aware of many people (even seemingly young and healthy people) who do have physical problems, but there are plenty of men with physical problems who would refuse to sit when ladies are still standing.

    It's just a bad bad bad idea.

    SaveSave
  • edited March 2013
    Thanks for your feedback. This was just a question I was trying to see what other people might think, I was not looking for people to call me rude and say that I thought my guest were a problem or a burden. I will keep this in mind for any other questions I might have and will never ask for outsiders advise on here again.
  • In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Thanks for your feedback. This was just a question I was trying to see what other people might think, I was not looking for people to call me rude and say that I thought my guest were a problem or a burden. I will keep this in mind for any other questions I might have and will never ask for outsiders advise on here again.
    Posted by tbccolorado
    Oh my goooooood grow up and get over yourself. No one said you were rude. We said it is rude to not have seats for your guests. People said that you came across like your guests were a burden. We only have the information you give us. You asked a question and we answered it. No one was rude, and if you plan a wedding with your guests' comfort in mind, you will not be rude either. 

    I don't know how old you are or how your family talks to you, but if you expect the entire world to sugarcoat everything in sprinkles and sunshine, reality will be difficult for you.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Thanks for your feedback. This was just a question I was trying to see what other people might think, I was not looking for people to call me rude and say that I thought my guest were a problem or a burden. I will keep this in mind for any other questions I might have and will never ask for outsiders advise on here again.
    Posted by tbccolorado
    No one called you rude. They explained why it would be rude to not have seats for your guests. If you don't want honest answers, then why ask questions in the first place?

                
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    In Response to Sitting or Standing:
    Would it be rude to make my guests stand during my ceremony? My wedding will held outside and will be no longer than 20 minutes. My fiance and I really don't like the fact that we have to pay an arm and a leg for guests to sit for no more than 30 minutes and wondering if it would be rude to have our guests stand. Thanks
    Posted by tbccolorado
                
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    I will keep this in mind for any other questions I might have and will never ask for outsiders advise on here again.
    Posted by tbccolorado
    OK, then. Happy flouncing off in a huff!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Thanks for your feedback. This was just a question I was trying to see what other people might think, I was not looking for people to call me rude and say that I thought my guest were a problem or a burden. I will keep this in mind for any other questions I might have and will never ask for outsiders advise on here again.
    Posted by tbccolorado
    You specifically asked if not providing chairs was rude.  People told you it was. No one called you rude, but they did say that not providing chairs was rude....which is exactly the question you asked.

    PPs have already given you several reasons why you need a chair for every guest.  I spent $800 renting chairs for my wedding 20 minute wedding ceremony, so I understand how expensive it is.  However, it is an absolutely necessary expense.
  • Hi All,

    I am the finacé of the bride to be here. We've been discussing this all day and I just wanted to respond because I think it's got a little heated on her part (and some responses to her comment). I belive there are very valid points that have been made here. To be honest we've taken them to heart and will suck it up I think when all is said and done. Some opinions we've thought of and some were suprisingly a bit of a revelation. First to address the irksome remarks that caused my beloved to say she'd never post on here again. Nothing was particularly rude that I've reviewed, I just think text offers little context and it's easy to "read" into things. I think "selfish" and assumption of tone are both iffy. Selfish being a bit trolling (obviously worked) and an assumption of tone perhaps not to be discussed, again due to lack of conversational context you see in a forum post. We do not wish people to stand, the frustration which led to this initial query is the setup and take down of the chairs. We've gone back and forth on what we consider a menial task. It seems to cost quite a bit and we were wondering if anyone else believed it to be a finacial burden (not guest related burden). Thank you for your responses, they have been discussed thoroughly and you'll be happy to know we will be providing seats to all. Last but not least, hip dysplasia is indeed nothing to joke about. I have gingivitis, so I'm right there with you.

    Best,
    Drew

    P.S. She's 33, but doesn't look a day over 32 and 366 days :)
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2013
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Hi All, I am the finacé of the bride to be here. We've been discussing this all day and I just wanted to respond because I think it's got a little heated on her part (and some responses to her comment). I belive there are very valid points that have been made here. To be honest we've taken them to heart and will suck it up I think when all is said and done. Some opinions we've thought of and some were suprisingly a bit of a revelation. First to address the irksome remarks that caused my beloved to say she'd never post on here again. Nothing was particularly rude that I've reviewed, I just think text offers little context and it's easy to "read" into things. I think "selfish" and assumption of tone are both iffy. Selfish being a bit trolling (obviously worked) and an assumption of tone perhaps not to be discussed, again due to lack of conversational context you see in a forum post. We do not wish people to stand, the frustration which led to this initial query is the setup and take down of the chairs. We've gone back and forth on what we consider a menial task. It seems to cost quite a bit and we were wondering if anyone else believed it to be a finacial burden (not guest related burden). Thank you for your responses, they have been discussed thoroughly and you'll be happy to know we will be providing seats to all. Last but not least, hip dysplasia is indeed nothing to joke about. I have gingivitis, so I'm right there with you. Best, Drew P.S. She's 33, but doesn't look a day over 32 and 366 days :)
    Posted by dluvco4
    Cool
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Hi All, I am the finacé of the bride to be here. We've been discussing this all day and I just wanted to respond because I think it's got a little heated on her part (and some responses to her comment). I belive there are very valid points that have been made here. To be honest we've taken them to heart and will suck it up I think when all is said and done. Some opinions we've thought of and some were suprisingly a bit of a revelation. First to address the irksome remarks that caused my beloved to say she'd never post on here again. Nothing was particularly rude that I've reviewed, I just think text offers little context and it's easy to "read" into things. I think "selfish" and assumption of tone are both iffy. Selfish being a bit trolling (obviously worked) and an assumption of tone perhaps not to be discussed, again due to lack of conversational context you see in a forum post. We do not wish people to stand, the frustration which led to this initial query is the setup and take down of the chairs. We've gone back and forth on what we consider a menial task. It seems to cost quite a bit and we were wondering if anyone else believed it to be a finacial burden (not guest related burden). Thank you for your responses, they have been discussed thoroughly and you'll be happy to know we will be providing seats to all. Last but not least, hip dysplasia is indeed nothing to joke about. I have gingivitis, so I'm right there with you. Best, Drew P.S. She's 33, but doesn't look a day over 32 and 366 days :)
    Posted by dluvco4
    Yeah, I'm still stuck on the little princess having to have her FI come here to defend her from the big meanies in the Internet.

  • edited March 2013
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Thanks for your feedback. This was just a question I was trying to see what other people might think, I was not looking for people to call me rude and say that I thought my guest were a problem or a burden. I will keep this in mind for any other questions I might have and will never ask for outsiders advise on here again.
    Posted by tbccolorado
    You ASKED if it was rude. It is. Get over yourself.

    ETA: 'Fiancé,' here's a suggestion. Rent the chairs. Pay a few college or high school kids 20 bucks apiece to do the set-up and take-down. Easy peasy.
    image
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing : Yeah, I'm still stuck on the little princess having to have her FI come here to defend her from the big meanies in the Internet.
    Posted by zitiqueen

    hahaha!  I can't imagine ever asking my DH to come defend me on TK.  Especially at 33 years old!!

  • In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    I can only imagine my hubby coming on here to fight my fights for me. He'd just say "sweetie, it's the Internet. Lets get some chairs."
    Posted by TXKristan
    My H would straight up take me to the hospital if I came crying to him about the internet. :P
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing : Mine would laugh at me, and then suggest hiding my laptop until I grew up.
    Posted by Liatris2010

    Hahaha mine too. FI asks me what's going on sometimes and he asked me when I happened to be commenting on OP's "woe is me" post so I told him about the thread. Then this morning he's sitting right behind me as I'm reading this and he goes, "Jesus, this is still going on!?!!" So I told him about the "fiance" guy and he laughed and told me that something like this would be his cue to take the laptop away from me. 
  • In Response to Re: Sitting or Standing:
    Ladies, play nice in the sandbox. Come on....we're all guests here.
    Posted by RetreadBride
    You know, at first glance I couldn't tell if this was sarcasm or if you had been hacked by the TK gods. Lol.
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