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Customs and Traditions

Confused about who to be married by ???

My family follows buddhism, I don't really follow it, I really just follow what I believe in. His family is either Christian or Catholic, I really do not know, since he does not follow any religion himself. All I know is that some of his family do go to church.

So what I am wondering, for 2 people like us who follows no religion:

1. who would marry us?
2. where can we get married?

The 2nd question I ask because my sister's fiancée is Catholic, and in order for her to get married in their church, she has to convert. I do not want to do anything like that so looking what options are out there since I know nothing of this stuff.

Thanks

Re: Confused about who to be married by ???

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_confused-about-who-to-be-married-by?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:29b624a8-16f9-4772-b1b5-967c4a8c4dc6Post:8fbda061-32ca-4901-b17e-f228ae6778d3">Confused about who to be married by ???</a>:
    [QUOTE]My family follows buddhism, I don't really follow it, I really just follow what I believe in. His family is either Christian or Catholic, I really do not know, since he does not follow any religion himself. All I know is that some of his family do go to church. So what I am wondering, for 2 people like us who follows no religion: 1. who would marry us? 2. where can we get married? The 2nd question I ask because my sister's fiancée is Catholic, and in order for her to get married in their church, she has to convert. I do not want to do anything like that so looking what options are out there since I know nothing of this stuff. Thanks
    Posted by KKbangz[/QUOTE]

    First off, Catholics are Christians and your sister does not have to convert to marry a Catholic fiance.

    As for your wedding, if neither you nor your FI are religious, then have a civil ceremony.  The only reason to have a religious ceremony is if it would be meaningful to the two of you.
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  • KKbangzKKbangz member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_confused-about-who-to-be-married-by?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29b624a8-16f9-4772-b1b5-967c4a8c4dc6Post:7a51755d-e5f9-4bc7-8127-034c895bfd0e">Re: Confused about who to be married by ???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Confused about who to be married by ??? : First off, Catholics are Christians and your sister does not have to convert to marry a Catholic fiance. As for your wedding, if neither you nor your FI are religious, then have a civil ceremony.  The only reason to have a religious ceremony is if it would be meaningful to the two of you.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    <div>really? this was something she had told us. are some churches like that where they require you to do that? </div><div>
    </div><div>so then who would i look to, to marry us? a priest? </div>
  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_confused-about-who-to-be-married-by?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:29b624a8-16f9-4772-b1b5-967c4a8c4dc6Post:d37686af-89db-479a-8e10-f45943993713">Re: Confused about who to be married by ???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused about who to be married by ??? : really? this was something she had told us. are some churches like that where they require you to do that?  so then who would i look to, to marry us? a priest? 
    Posted by KKbangz[/QUOTE]

    No.  She absolutely does not have to convert and if anyone in that Catholic parish told her this, they are lying to her.  If her fiance told her this, then she has bigger problems.

    As for your wedding, you can be married by a judge or a nondenominational minister if you prefer.  What we did was find our venue and the owners were able to give us a list of officiants with whom they had worked before.
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  • KKbangzKKbangz member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_confused-about-who-to-be-married-by?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29b624a8-16f9-4772-b1b5-967c4a8c4dc6Post:8d7dabae-de22-4904-8bab-1efc82be617a">Re: Confused about who to be married by ???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused about who to be married by ??? : No.  She absolutely does not have to convert and if anyone in that Catholic parish told her this, they are lying to her.  If her fiance told her this, then she has bigger problems. As for your wedding, you can be married by a judge or a nondenominational minister if you prefer.  What we did was find our venue and the owners were able to give us a list of officiants with whom they had worked before.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks!!! My coworker just told me a judge won't do it since you have to go to the courts. What I am trying to do is to have someone come out to the venue and marry us. And she did speak of the nondenominational minister. She said that it was so hard to find one though.</div>
  • Ask on your local board for offciant recommendations or google "wedding officiant houston." We just hired someone who is licensed to perform weddings. A justice of the peace, if your state has them, can perform a wedding anywhere, not just in the courthouse.

    You can either get married at your reception location or at another location. You won't be able to marry in a house of worship without a member of the clergy marrying you. My husband and I rented a non-denominational chapel and they were okay with us having a basically secular wedding, as it wasn't a consecrated house of worship, just a venue designed to look like a church.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    There are many secular officiants out there. The suggestion to check on your local board is a good one.

    We're being married by a member of the Ethical Society of St. Louis. A lot of bigger cities have Ethical Societies and they seem a great way to go for you.
    Lizzie
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I can see why you are confused.  I'll try to help as best I can.

    My family follows buddhism, I don't really follow it, I really just follow what I believe in. The better you become at articulating your beliefts, the easier it may be to move forward with planning.

    His family is either Christian or Catholic, I really do not know, since he does not follow any religion himself. All I know is that some of his family do go to church. It might help for you to become slightly familiar with major sects, but here is a mini lesson.  Catholicism is one of many Christian religions. All Catholics are Christian; not all Christians are Catholic.

    So what I am wondering, for 2 people like us who follows no religion: 1. who would marry us? 2. where can we get married?  You may want to find a setting which reflects how you feel about yourselves and your marriage within the context of universe, spirituality and belief (if any) in a higher power.  Options many choose include a Universalist Unitarian Church, no church at all, or just marrying in a place that means something to the two of you (a park, a special restaurant or in your own home).

    About your concerns of being forced to convert to Catholicism b/c of your sister's experience ...The Catholic Church simply requires one partner be Catholic; if the other partner is not, there usually is no problem.  The general requirement, when one partner is Catholic and one is not, is to make a promise to raise the kids in the Catholic faith.  So, you can put that worry (being forced to convert) aside.  If your FI is Catholic and wants to marry in the Catholic Church, you do not have to convert to Catholicism in order to marry him.
  • The earlier posters are correct that your sister does not have to convert.  Her FI is already Catholic, and only ONE of the two people has to be Catholic.  She would have to promise to raise any children in the Catholic faith.

    A friend of mine at work agreed to be married in her FI's Catholic church, since his religion was more important to him than her Presbyterian religion was to her.  But she had to promise to raise any children in the Catholic faith, and now that they have a kid, they go every Sunday to the Catholic mass WITH the kid.

    And about this:

    >>My coworker just told me a judge won't do it since you have to go to the courts. What I am trying to do is to have someone come out to the venue and marry us.

    That's not correct.
    We were married by a judge who came to the venue and married us.

    What you need is some accurate wedding advice - not from your sister and your coworker...
  • We hired a generic Christian minister because a priest wouldn't marry us off site.  It had all of the traditional Catholic elements though.  Google wedding officiants in your area, they will be able to create a custom ceremony for you.
     
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  • You can hire any officiant, celebrant or person ordained in your state to marry you if you do not follow a particular faith.

    I get the impression that you believe a wedding has to occur in a place of worship and that is not the case at all; you can get married at any venue as long as you make the necessary arrangements. Is it very important to you to be married in a place of worship? If so, then why? Be honest with yourself about that and go from there but a wedding can occur in a culinary school, a museum, a rose garden - it's all about personal taste.

    Good luck with your search but I would stop searching for places of worship because everyone around you is a practicing a faith.
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  • I'm a confirmed Catholic, although non-observing (it was a family pressure scenario). My FH was baptized Catholic, received Communion, but was not confirmed. Neither of us are interested in a religious ceremony and planned a secular wedding, but here's what we discovered along the way: Some strict Catholic churches will not allow an interfatih (where one partner is Catholic and one is not) marriage ceremony to take place in front of the main altar of the church proper,, but will allow it in a side chapel. Technically speaking, a person is eligible for church marriage only if they have celebrated Confirmation (around age 13, where one declares allegiance to the faith). One can be Catholic and denied marriage in a Catholic church if Confirmation was not achieved. It depends on the priest and how strictly the parish (church community) observes the "rules". Also, I've never heard of a priest performing the entire marriage ceremony outside of a church, I don't thnk that's allowed in Catholicism. A great idea to consider would be having a priest perform a blessing over your marriage, after you have said your vows- that may work well for his family! Best of luck to you!
  • If you want to do something special with your officiant, you could choose a close friend. That's what we did, and it takes less than an hour to become ordained online. We are not religious, so it allows us to honor a friend while staying true to what we wanted.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_confused-about-who-to-be-married-by?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:29b624a8-16f9-4772-b1b5-967c4a8c4dc6Post:d37686af-89db-479a-8e10-f45943993713">Re: Confused about who to be married by ???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused about who to be married by ??? : really? this was something she had told us. are some churches like that where they require you to do that?  so then who would i look to, to marry us? a priest? 
    Posted by KKbangz[/QUOTE]

    You could do justice of the peace. You can have it at the reception hall and this person is a non-religious officiant.
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  • My fiance is Catholic also, and what I believe your sister meant was that she could not get married in a Catholic church.  The priest would have no problem (usually) coming to a different location and marrying you, but will not do it in the church.
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