including kids in ceremony

Re: including kids in ceremony

• rachel2472

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  My fiance and I met 20 years ago, had a child together, went seperate ways, married others and had other children. We've since reconnected, after divorces and will wed in May 2014.  Our daughter is 17 now and I like the idea of her giving me away at our wedding. is this odd?
  
  He has 3 children, we have our daughter and then I have 2 daughters from my marriage and we are wanting to include them all. But Im unsure how to do so.  Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!!
  
  Thank you

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• beardownbchs member

  

  March 2013

  I like the idea of having your daughter "give" you back to him, but other than that I wouldn't include the kids in the ceremony. The ceremony is about the marriage of the two of you. Also, unless you've discussed it with the other parents of the kids, it could be offensive to them. I know my dad would have been pissed if my mom would have tried to include me in the wedding to her new husband..

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• itzMS member

  

  March 2013

  I was your daughter's age when my mom got remarried. I definitely would've felt strange if I "gave her away".
  
  I think you and your FI would be best asking the children to be bridesmaids and groomsmen. Certainly don't force it upon them. Seating them in the front row as guests is an honor, too.

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• OwningAHome1981 member

  

  March 2013

  I don't think the term "giving away" is really appropriate here. I don't like the term in general TBH. But she isn't giving you away b/c you are still her mom. It just doesn't make sense to me have her to do that.
  
  It makes a little more sense with a parent giving away their daughter (as I said I don't like the term though), b/c they are the ones that raise you and then send you off on your way to someone else for him to take care of you.
  
  I'm in the boat of not including kids in the ceremony BUT this kid isn't really a "kid" so I feel it would be nice to include her. Had she been 9 or 10 I would say don't include her. Are you having bridesmaids? She could always be a bridesmaid. If not, maybe she can do a reading or something.

  

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• Pookieson member

  

  March 2013

  I would ask your daughter.  My dd is a flower girl and that was her only job.  Then we watched an episode of four weddings with a necklace ceremony and now....she wants a necklace.  I'm not a huge fan of it, but we will both just be giving it to her and saying how much we love her, all she has to do is stand there.  It is important to her and she loves the idea.  Her dad is also on board and very welcoming of my FI being part of mine and my ex-H life.  I would tread lightly on all of those issues and make sure that no one is offended anywhere.  Your wedding is one day, but your relationship with DD and even your ex-H will be forever.  It would be more important to me to keep that relationship functional if including her might cause an issue.

  

  June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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• Knottie_22382854

  March 2013

  thanks for the feedback everyone. It was actually her idea. i think i will go read the second weddings board for some ideas. i have plenty of time to plan. Thanks again everyone.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_including-kids-in-ceremony-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5e474047-c299-49e4-b6b9-c82bfd05ac98Post:cc6bc2d2-911e-4f52-ae9b-5605fff172d0">Re:including kids in ceremony</a>:
  [QUOTE]I think having them in the WP and having your oldest daughter escort you down the aisle is totally fine. I wouldn't do more than that though.
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  I agree with Stage.
  
  I think it's fine to have your daugther escort you down the aisle. It doesn't have to be a "giving away" situation. It's just your daughter walking with you down an aisle.

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_including-kids-in-ceremony-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5e474047-c299-49e4-b6b9-c82bfd05ac98Post:14a410bf-2ef1-42ee-b647-6314a5681a42">Re:including kids in ceremony</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re:including kids in ceremony : I agree with Stage. I think it's fine to have your daugther escort you down the aisle. It doesn't have to be a "giving away" situation. It's just your daughter walking with you down an aisle.
  Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
  
  This would be fine.  But it's where I would stop.  No "giving away" or having your new spouse and children say vows to each other.

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• handfast4me member

  

  March 2013

  Look on the Second Wedding board--we have a sticky on including children in the ceremony. 

  Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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• wittykitty14 member

  

  March 2013

  I have 3 nephews, who will be 6, 7, and 13 at the time of the wedding.  The youngest is the ring bearer, but I wanted to include the other two in some way.  They are going to help hand out programs, and then they are going to escort my mom to her seat at the start of the ceremony.   For us, it was a great way to include them, and they feel really important!  

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