Something old, something new...

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

Can anyone help me out with ideas for the "something's"? The ladies and I want to gift the bride with each of the somethings the morning of the wedding, but I have no idea what is normal, appropriate, etc. This is the first wedding I've ever been in (besides my own which was a Vegas wedding) so I really have no clue. Also, are they all supposed to be wearable, as in she has to take these items down the aisle with her? Thanks for any help and ideas you can give!

phillyrabbit · March 2013

Can anyone help me out with ideas for the "something's"? The ladies and I want to gift the bride with each of the somethings the morning of the wedding, but I have no idea what is normal, appropriate, etc. This is the first wedding I've ever been in (besides my own which was a Vegas wedding) so I really have no clue. Also, are they all supposed to be wearable, as in she has to take these items down the aisle with her? Thanks for any help and ideas you can give!

AddieCake · March 2013

I agree. She will likely have already chosen her somethings, and one or more of them may very well have meaning to her.

libby2483 · March 2013

I agree with PPs. If this is a tradition that is important to her, she will likely have the items chosen in advance.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

If you do still want ideas, there's an entire sticky at the top of this board's page.

misssunshine17 · March 2013

Maybe you can offer something to the bride, but please don't do anything for her like picking them. 7 months out I have 3/4 of them and they are all sentimental.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

I thought, traditionally, that these were items gifted to the bride usually by the mother of the bride or very close relatives/friends. I'm positive the bride to be thinks this as well.
To give some background, she has expressed concerns to me that there will be noone to do these things for her. She had a very hard childhood, is not close with her mother (although she will be at the wedding, they are not close due to her mothers "dependencies") and her father is not in the picture. She's planning her wedding on a small budget. Some of us have been more family to her than her blood relatives have in the past 20 years. Since she has four BMs we decided we would each pick one something to give her the morning of the wedding. I know she will absolutely appreciate them. Thank you for the concerns, though. She would never be offended by the offering, even if she did already have them. I can't figure out why anyone would be? Unless it was something inappropriate, which lead to my post.
Thank you Joy2611, I completely missed that sticky! I'll poke around in there and get some ideas!

misssunshine17 · March 2013

Okay, if you really think so. However, what about doing it well before the wedding and making sure she knows she doesn't HAVE to use what you gave. I think the day of she might feel blindsided or what if she already has earrings etc.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

Thank you Misssunshine! It might be better to do this awhile before the wedding, but thought about having a private moment, maybe a couple hours before the wedding to do this. Three of us have been like sisters to the bride for 20+ years, and the third BM has known her for several years. I definitely don't want her to think she HAS to use them, especially if she doesn't like them. I thought it would be a sweet gesture since she has voiced her concerns that she doesn't have any relatives she believes would be able to do this for her, but seems the lot here would be offended by this. I'm curious as to why. I understand the want to have sentimental items and such (which we will try our best to incorporate), but why would anyone be offended by this? I would have loved if my friends did this for me.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

As I stated, the sentimental value aspects of this tradition will be incorporated into the items.
Traditionally speaking, these items were, in fact, gifted to the bride. Pretty sure the victorian era brides didn't go rummaging through their families possessions, picking and choosing what she wanted to be "gifted", then moving on to her friends possessions to pick through. I know the meaning behind each item. I thought maybe I could get some ideas as to what others had been gifted. I'm sorry so many of you would be so offended by a sweet gesture from your closest friends. Someone who doesn't have a lot would graciously accept heartfelt gifts. Glad to see you all are well off and can afford to be so picky as to snub your nose up at someone elses gift from the heart.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

Honestly, I'd be really confused if my bridesmaids had handed me something old, new, borrowed and blue a few hours before my wedding. I took time picking those things out for myself months before the wedding. It was very personal.

Your friend may feel differently, but I wanted to explain why I might feel put off by the whole thing. Not necessarily offended, but taken aback and kinda annoyed.

And no, no family members picked those things for me. I chose them myself.

Here's the thread I was talking about. It has over 180 replies as to what each bride carried for their old, new, borrowed and blue: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_looking-something-old-something-new-something-borrowed-something-blue

EDIT: Geezus - well off and snobby because I picked out my own things? Good grief, OP. You're stretching and going to offend a lot of people with that statement. I suggest you back off right now.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

Just to reiterate:

"... since she has voiced her concerns that she doesn't have any relatives she believes would be able to do this for her..."

Not well off and snobby because you pick your own things, but that anyone would act like a fool and snub their nose up at someones gift. I'm planning her wedding, so I know all the little details. My original post was a question of ideas for the somethings, not your personal opinions as to who should be picking them out.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

Then read the damn sticky and move on.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

I did. Not my fault there is a bit of reading comprehension fail going on here.

AddieCake · March 2013

If you're so positive she will be thrilled, then by all means do it. However, I always find it oddly convenient when posters have an idea, are told it isn't a great one, and then suddenly the poster is all, "Oh, well, I forgot to mention so and so wants this."

I'm also a little confused that you say the sentimental value aspects of this tradition will be incorporated into the item That sounds like you already know what you have that would be sentimental enough to gift. If you already have things in mind that contain such sentimental value, why would you need suggestions? If I were about to gift my best friend something of mine for this, I know exactly what it would be b/c it is already an established sentimental piece between us.

If you're going to do it, I wouldn't wait until the morning of the wedding. If she's so sad that she may not get these things, wouldn't you like to put her mind at ease well before her wedding day? Also, if it will mean so much to her, I don't think you should put an emotion overload on her the morning of the wedding like that.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-old-something-new-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c9422cbd-055e-4849-9d36-ee9a7905958ePost:b31b6d8c-ce54-446e-9b97-619e55351811">Re: Something old, something new...</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're so positive she will be thrilled, then by all means do it. However, I always find it oddly convenient when posters have an idea, are told it isn't a great one, and then suddenly the poster is all, <strong>"Oh, well, I forgot to mention so and so wants this."</strong> I'm also a little confused that you say the sentimental value aspects of this tradition will be incorporated into the item That sounds like you already know what you have that would be sentimental enough to gift. If you already have things in mind that contain such sentimental value, why would you need suggestions? If I were about to gift my best friend something of mine for this, I know exactly what it would be b/c it is already an established sentimental piece between us. If you're going to do it, I wouldn't wait until the morning of the wedding. If she's so sad that she may not get these things, wouldn't you like to put her mind at ease well before her wedding day? Also, if it will mean so much to her, I don't think you should put an emotion overload on her the morning of the wedding like that.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I didn't really <em>forget </em>to mention anything, simply because I assumed that these items were gifted to the bride in most situations, so in my mind, that was a given.
I see the point of emotion overload the morning of and I'll definitely have the five of us get together well in advance for this. I have a few things in mind. I simply wanted to get ideas of what others had used. I did put her mind at ease when she mentioned it to me (<u><em><strong>she</strong></em></u> brought the subject up, worried that she wouldn't have the items to follow the tradition due to her life long family troubles, and since the only family members she could have relied on for it have passed away) and told her not to worry about it and it would be taken care of. So I'm going to do just that! Thanks for the advice about the morning of!

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-old-something-new-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c9422cbd-055e-4849-9d36-ee9a7905958ePost:687e14e0-bca4-44f5-b44f-46c597442add">Re:Something old, something new...</a>:
[QUOTE]When unable to combat a logical reply, ignore it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Your previous post contained no useful information, therefore I deemed it unworthy of a response. The truth is, I asked a question in my post, and it went unanswered. There many <strong>opinions</strong> about my post, <strong>no actual answers</strong>, no useful information with the exception of those that I responded to. If you have anything useful to say in the future I'll be happy to respond going forth. If not, you're simply a waste of time and space. Some of us, and by some of us, I mean me, have lives outside of the interwebs. We don't all just sit around waiting for stupid replies from useless people. I don't feel it necessary to waste my time on responses that are of no actual help. Please do let me know if you have any useful information in the future, though.

MobKaz · March 2013

**phillyrabbit, you have a private message.

Knottie_22383607 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-old-something-new-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c9422cbd-055e-4849-9d36-ee9a7905958ePost:0ebf4f06-ab67-476d-9c7a-092da21b6318">Re: Something old, something new...</a>:
[QUOTE]**phillyrabbit, you have a private message.
Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

Reply sent---- Thank You!

Viczaesar · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-old-something-new-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c9422cbd-055e-4849-9d36-ee9a7905958ePost:df82e3c4-821f-4bab-a54b-fd2b79042956">Re:Something old, something new...</a>:
[QUOTE]You asked a question and got answers. When they weren't what you wanted, you insulted us. I really hope you handle real life with more grace and maturity than you handle the Internet. Not one of us said we would "snub" gifts given to us, and the fact that you think that shows that you WOULD be upset if she chose not to carry what you give her. And if you know the tradition so well, you know it's far older than the Victorian Era and actually wasn't observed at that time. You know it's Celtic, ergo Pagan in origin, and that while we have no idea if brides originally picked out all of these items, it's a good guess that they did at least have a say in the new and blue, due to the nature of the purpose of said items. Not to mention the fact that berating women and calling them snobs for not conducting themselves as women in the Victorian Era would have is pretty sexist. If you want to do this anyway, do it. We're not stopping you, simply giving the best advice we can from the prospectives that we have. That's what people on the Internet DO.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Stage is my girl crush for the day.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-old-something-new-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c9422cbd-055e-4849-9d36-ee9a7905958ePost:e2d694c3-de9e-4b8c-aa9c-28d32de6781b">Re:Something old, something new...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Something old, something new... : So my old underwear didn't count? Poo.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't mock old underwear! My bra was my something old! True story. </div>

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

OP, you are very very very very very very very very very very very very very very strange.

You are trying to shove something that is deeply personal and sentimental onto another person and claim it's the only possible gift evar she'd want. It's deeply weird. Deeply weird. There are so many other things out there you can try to give as a gift, but you choose the least likely to be well recieved, and most awkward. It's like insisting on shopping for feminine products for her, or her lingere, or picking her men to date.

I wore my grandmother's rhinestone necklace, passed down to my mother (which also had blue stones in it). If you had asked me to wear some kitchy Khols necklace you'd just bought instead, I'd have wondered how you'd lost your mind.

It's presumptious, puts your friend in an uncomfortable spot, and downright weird.

MobKaz · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-old-something-new-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c9422cbd-055e-4849-9d36-ee9a7905958ePost:7109eafd-af2d-4bb7-8ef6-322df5901642">Re: Something old, something new...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, you are very very very very very very very very very very very very very very strange. You are trying to shove something that is deeply personal and sentimental onto another person and claim it's the only possible gift evar she'd want. It's deeply weird. Deeply weird. There are so many other things out there you can try to give as a gift, but you choose the least likely to be well recieved, and most awkward. It's like insisting on shopping for feminine products for her, or her lingere, or picking her men to date. I wore my grandmother's rhinestone necklace, passed down to my mother (which also had blue stones in it). If you had asked me to wear some kitchy Khols necklace you'd just bought instead, I'd have wondered how you'd lost your mind. It's presumptious, puts your friend in an uncomfortable spot, and downright weird.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Literal, blood family members do not hold the market on personal and sentimental. Friends can often share stronger and greater bonds than any "bona fide" family member.</div><div>
</div><div>My daughter had all her "old, new, borrowed, and blue" items ready for her wedding day. Some were incredibly sentimental and long awaited; others were a tad more whimsical. However, two of her BM's offered items for her to wear as well. My daughter didn't hesitate to accept them. She knew they were quite literally a gift from the heart....the hearts of some of her oldest, dearest friends. Turning away those gifts would be akin to turning away the friendship. Their love, and history, were more important that any "fashion statement" or apparel mismatch.</div><div>
</div><div>The OP made it clear that the bride would be under NO obligation to make use of the gifts. And contrary to popular opinion, friends can be honest with each other without causing rifts or drama in a friendship. OP also made it clear that her bride has no family or personal items from which to draw or expect such tokens. This bride has voiced a void in her life. Her friends are trying to fill it. What these BM's are trying to do is much more than give a gift. I do not find that strange or weird. I see it as kind, compassionate, and caring. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

You're missing the point, and what we're all saying. I never said 'omg you can only wear family stuff'. What I said was that what you wear on your wedding day is an intimate decision, and it's presumptuous to put together a pre assembled kit of items YOU feel would be awesome for her to carry. Bully for you, carry that stuff on your day if you love it so much. It's a beautiful sentiment to offer ONE item of yours, but dont arrogantly shove the whole kaboodle at the poor lady. What if she wants to carry items from multiple friends? What if she's planning on asking to borrow somethibg from an influental person in her life? To bad, so sad, here's your random kit? I don't think so.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2013

Well you could ask her what she has in mind and just say you will provide it for her, rather than pick the ideas for them on your own.

Example, if she says her something blue is going to be a garter, then offer provide the garter. I think most of the time something old and borrowed are sentimental, but I would ask her what she has in mind for the new and blue.

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