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Whiny maid of honour

Knottie_22382938Knottie_22382938
in Wedding Party
This is a comment about my first wedding...my maid of honour was a childhood friend and the only person I thought of to fill this role. She was fairly overweight and very insecure about her appearance. When we were picking bridesmaids gowns, we couldn't find one in her size. My mom had a great solution--take one of the other dresses to a fabric store, match the fabric, and have a seamstress make a dress for the maid of honour. The price would work out to be exactly the same, if not cheaper.

However, the maid of honour absolutely refused. Nope, would not do it. She bought a dress two sizes too small, adament that she would lose weight over the next year so she could fit into it. No one could talk her out of it and if I had insisted on it, it would have hurt her feelings. (In her defense, the dress almost fit--losing 5 pounds would have done it). We even suggested choosing a different dress so we could find one that was available in her size but she refused. She insisted that this was the motivation she needed to lose weight.

Well, eight months later, one of the other bridesmaids discreetly told me that my maid of honour was complaining to everyone about this dress and how it didn't fit. I asked her gently if something was wrong and she sighed and said it just didn't fit and she felt so uncomfortable in it. I asked her if she wanted to choose a different dress--no she did not. Did she want to have a dress made that was similar to this one but fit her? No, she did not. I gave her my seamstresses' contact information and told her not to worry; she could have it adjusted.

Well, three months later, and only one month until the wedding, the maid of honour had done nothing except continue to complain. So I actually had to make an appointment for her, drive her there, AND take her there to pick up her dress when it was ready.

Seriously!? I If she was unhappy with the dress at the beginning she had every opportunity to say so. I think she was so determined to not be a problem that she created a problem, and I was so hurt that she complained behind me back--also annoyed that when I had so much to do she couldn't be bothered to go to the seamstress and have her dress adjusted.
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Re: Whiny maid of honour

  • LadyKathryneLadyKathryne member
    First Comment
    This is a comment about my first wedding...my maid of honour was a childhood friend and the only person I thought of to fill this role. She was fairly overweight and very insecure about her appearance. When we were picking bridesmaids gowns, we couldn't find one in her size. My mom had a great solution--take one of the other dresses to a fabric store, match the fabric, and have a seamstress make a dress for the maid of honour. The price would work out to be exactly the same, if not cheaper.

    However, the maid of honour absolutely refused. Nope, would not do it. She bought a dress two sizes too small, adament that she would lose weight over the next year so she could fit into it. No one could talk her out of it and if I had insisted on it, it would have hurt her feelings. (In her defense, the dress almost fit--losing 5 pounds would have done it). We even suggested choosing a different dress so we could find one that was available in her size but she refused. She insisted that this was the motivation she needed to lose weight.

    Well, eight months later, one of the other bridesmaids discreetly told me that my maid of honour was complaining to everyone about this dress and how it didn't fit. I asked her gently if something was wrong and she sighed and said it just didn't fit and she felt so uncomfortable in it. I asked her if she wanted to choose a different dress--no she did not. Did she want to have a dress made that was similar to this one but fit her? No, she did not. I gave her my seamstresses' contact information and told her not to worry; she could have it adjusted.

    Well, three months later, and only one month until the wedding, the maid of honour had done nothing except continue to complain. So I actually had to make an appointment for her, drive her there, AND take her there to pick up her dress when it was ready.

    Seriously!? I If she was unhappy with the dress at the beginning she had every opportunity to say so. I think she was so determined to not be a problem that she created a problem, and I was so hurt that she complained behind me back--also annoyed that when I had so much to do she couldn't be bothered to go to the seamstress and have her dress adjusted.</~root~>
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2013
    Yeah, she shoudn't have ordered a dress too small as it's always easier to take in a too-big dress than let one out.

    But I KIND of can see where she is coming from. It would probably be embarrassing to not be able to wear the same dress as everyone else because you are too big and be forced to have a "special" dress made to accommodate your size. I know from your perspective you were trying to be helpful and accommodating to her. To her, it may have made her feel ashamed and even more self-conscious and she was determined to have the same dress as everyone else so she didn't feel like the odd one out.

    I would just chuck it up to a sucky situation overall and move forward.

    ETA: Where are the dresses from that it did not come in her size? Not that it matters or will help now, but for other brides reading this:I would make sure whichever dress I settled on came in the size of all my BMs. Many BM lines carry plus sizes up to 28 at the very least. That way, no one feels ashamed or like an outsider. Or if that isn't an option, this may be a good situation to have all the girls choose their own dress in a certain color, and that way she can find one in her size without being singled out.


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    OP says this event happened with her first wedding, not that it is currently an issue for her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_whiny-maid-of-honour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:66f7195a-8c6c-4540-a52a-30a9e7381356Post:14ccd6d0-8342-4ac3-9b9e-a24ff939c601">Whiny maid of honour</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a comment about my first wedding...my maid of honour was a childhood friend and the only person I thought of to fill this role. She was fairly overweight and very insecure about her appearance. When we were picking bridesmaids gowns, we couldn't find one in her size. My mom had a great solution--take one of the other dresses to a fabric store, match the fabric, and have a seamstress make a dress for the maid of honour. The price would work out to be exactly the same, if not cheaper. However, the maid of honour absolutely refused. Nope, would not do it. She bought a dress two sizes too small, adament that she would lose weight over the next year so she could fit into it. No one could talk her out of it and if I had insisted on it, it would have hurt her feelings. (In her defense, the dress almost fit--losing 5 pounds would have done it). We even suggested choosing a different dress so we could find one that was available in her size but she refused. She insisted that this was the motivation she needed to lose weight. Well, eight months later, one of the other bridesmaids discreetly told me that my maid of honour was complaining to everyone about this dress and how it didn't fit. I asked her gently if something was wrong and she sighed and said it just didn't fit and she felt so uncomfortable in it. I asked her if she wanted to choose a different dress--no she did not. Did she want to have a dress made that was similar to this one but fit her? No, she did not. I gave her my seamstresses' contact information and told her not to worry; she could have it adjusted. Well, three months later, and only one month until the wedding, the maid of honour had done nothing except continue to complain. So I actually had to make an appointment for her, drive her there, AND take her there to pick up her dress when it was ready. Seriously!? I If she was unhappy with the dress at the beginning she had every opportunity to say so. I think she was so determined to not be a problem that she created a problem, and I was so hurt that she complained behind me back--also annoyed that when I had so much to do she couldn't be bothered to go to the seamstress and have her dress adjusted.
    Posted by LadyKathryne[/QUOTE]

    So this is a wedding that already took place?
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_whiny-maid-of-honour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:66f7195a-8c6c-4540-a52a-30a9e7381356Post:14ccd6d0-8342-4ac3-9b9e-a24ff939c601">Whiny maid of honour</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a comment about my first wedding...my maid of honour was a childhood friend and the only person I thought of to fill this role. She was fairly overweight and very insecure about her appearance. When we were picking bridesmaids gowns, we couldn't find one in her size. My mom had a great solution--take one of the other dresses to a fabric store, match the fabric, and have a seamstress make a dress for the maid of honour. The price would work out to be exactly the same, if not cheaper. However, the maid of honour absolutely refused. Nope, would not do it. She bought a dress two sizes too small, adament that she would lose weight over the next year so she could fit into it. No one could talk her out of it and if I had insisted on it, it would have hurt her feelings. (In her defense, the dress almost fit--losing 5 pounds would have done it). We even suggested choosing a different dress so we could find one that was available in her size but she refused. She insisted that this was the motivation she needed to lose weight. Well, eight months later, one of the other bridesmaids discreetly told me that my maid of honour was complaining to everyone about this dress and how it didn't fit. I asked her gently if something was wrong and she sighed and said it just didn't fit and she felt so uncomfortable in it. I asked her if she wanted to choose a different dress--no she did not. Did she want to have a dress made that was similar to this one but fit her? No, she did not. I gave her my seamstresses' contact information and told her not to worry; she could have it adjusted. Well, three months later, and only one month until the wedding, the maid of honour had done nothing except continue to complain. So I actually had to make an appointment for her, drive her there, AND take her there to pick up her dress when it was ready. Seriously!? I If she was unhappy with the dress at the beginning she had every opportunity to say so. I think she was so determined to not be a problem that she created a problem, and I was so hurt that she complained behind me back--also annoyed that when I had so much to do she couldn't be bothered to go to the seamstress and have her dress adjusted.
    Posted by LadyKathryne[/QUOTE]
    Why the heck did you order dresses a YEAR before your wedding?



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