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Thoughts on cheating?

I am watching Something Borrowed, only because there is nothing else on tv right now, and it got me to thinking about cheating and what your ladies stances are on it?

If your SO cheated would you be able to forgive and forget? Would it be automatic divorce for you? Have you ever dated a cheater, or even maybe cheated yourself?

Personally, if FI cheated I'm not sure what I would do. I think it would depend on if it was a one time thing, an emotional thing, or an on-going affair. 

This movie always makes me really mad. Granted Kate Hudsons character is not the best person in the world but I still was extremely pissed off when Dex and Rachel ended up happily ever after. I thought Dex was an a-hole anyway.
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Re: Thoughts on cheating?

  • If we were married and had kids I would really hate to get divorced. I would never ever want my kids to have to go through that. BUT - I don't think I could ever truly forgive it.

    My ex cheated- I dated him from 16-19 so we were so young and it was a learning experience. We stayed together for awhile but I never got over it. I'm really bad about holding grudges and letting things go also.

    So I can't say for sure what I would do if it happened with BF now but I really think the relationship would be over and I would never be able to really forgive..how do you know it won't happen again?

     




  • Cheating is the worst. I'm a very jealous person, I'd say, and just the thought of FI wanting some one else drives me crazy. I know people get crushes and what not, but ugh. If I learned that he had done anything with anyone else... I'd go crazy mad. I definitely wouldn't want to be around him afterwards. Just the thought he had been with someone else... *shivers*

    I haven't been cheated on before (That I know of ;) ), or cheated myself. I know of it through other people. My mother and my biological father for example. Awful times.
  • I have always thought, "If he cheats, it is over. Period." However, I am not sure anymore. I think it would depend on how I felt afterwards. I don't want to say that I would 100% break up with him, because I am not sure if I would or wouldn't forgive him.

    As it stands right now, no, I don't think I could get past it. I am one of those people that has a hard time dealing with being cheated on. Two of my prior boyfriends cheated on me, and I instantly broke up with them when I found out. Still, to this day, when I see them, I get a twinge of anger and resentment. It is something I know I need to move on from (been over 5 years ago, and I'm in the process of being happily married) but I have a hard time with it. I thought, "Wow, what is so wrong with me that a guy has to look elsewhere for something?" Granted, now, I know it isn't true, but when I am with someone, I expect that I will be the only person they kiss or make love to. This is also an expectation of FI. I want to be the ONLY woman from here on out and the LAST woman he ever makes whoopie with, and (other than the obvious exceptions) I want to be the last person he kisses.

    Perhaps it is because I have that built up so in my head, I find it very hard for me to look past the idea of him being unfaithful. With that said, I find it extremely hard to picture my life without FI, and perhaps even harder to seriously give it consideration, because FI just isn't that type of person. When it comes to cheating, he and I are very much on the same page.

    So yeah, I guess it would have to depend on the emotional thing - but I'm not sure if a fling or a true affair is worse in my mind. It would just depend on if I thought I could get over it and honestly move on without feeling a twinge of anger, resentment, or whatever.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    It depends on a lot of different circumstances and factors involved in the cheating but I don't know if I would be able to move past it. I would try to save the relationship but I'm not a very trusting person to begin with so I don't know if I could ever rebuild trust with someone who had destroyed in such a hurtful and horrible way.

    It's difficult for me to have respect for someone who has cheated. It's just such a massive betrayal of trust and I think it says something about a person's character. An ex-BF of mine cheated on me and even though we are still friendly and I know he has good qualities I still can't help but think less of him because of it.


  • I really think that I could forgive FI if he cheated. I would be heart broken, but if it was a one time thing I would definitely try to work past it. The trust would be gone, and he would have to work really hard to earn it back, but I would definitely try work it out.

    People make mistakes, it doesn't make it ok, but it means they're human. Both emotional cheating and physical cheating are the same to me, although I might be more devastated  if it was emotional. To me that would mean I wasn't bringing enough to the relationship and obviously he is missing an emotional connection to me.
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  • I saw that movie and thought it was awful, they were all such horrible people for all the lying that went on.  Not sure how I would feel about the cheating if he ever did.  I don't think I could ever forgive or forget.  I don't think I would be able to continue the relationship either.  It's hard to say without being in the situation.

    I've been cheated on and once it happens it really is so hard to trust that person ever again.

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  • New here, but I'll share my two cents if allowed :)

    I dated someone that cheated on me after being together for a year, it took a lot of work and time but I moved on from it. It was a a mistake, and I was young and a little naive, so I didn't leave him. He on the other hand changed dramatically. He also seemed to accusing me a doing the same to him out of spite, and oddly enough stopped trusting me. It put so much strain on our relationship that I broke it off. His guilt ate at him and made him turn it around and he became angry with me for no reason.

    After dealing with that, I don't think I would continue the relationship. Even if I moved on, I'm not sure if SO would also.
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  • The damage to the kids by staying together is far worse than if you got a divorce. Kids can handle divorce....its the crap that comes afterwards from selfish parents who do not have thier kids best interest at heart that scars them.
  • I hated that movie too!!!  I kept thinking, "you guys are horrible people.  How can I cheer for any of you?"  I always thought cheating would be immediate divorce, but if there are kids involved, it would be extremely hard for me to just pull the plug.  :(  I hope, dear God, never to have to answer that question. 
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I liked the book a lot better than the movie. 

    I have been the cheater in the past (not on FI, this was with a previous BF) & I'm not proud of myself for it, but it happened & I can't go back & change it now.

    If I found out FI cheated I honestly don't know what I'd do.  I'd like to think I'd forgive him & we could work through it but I don't think I would ever be able to trust him again & I think trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.  



  • I've cheated on every BF except for FI...mostly because I was young, stupid, and thought charging the "a-hole tax" made us even.  (Ie.  When he'd act like an ahole, I'd cheat.)

    I have never even come close to cheating on FI.  I respect him too much.

    If he cheated, I have no idea what I'd do.  I'd be really hurt.  But let's hope it never comes to that...
  • This is a topic that hits close to home for me.  My ex-H cheated and I walked away.  I was done. But that being said, it was the final straw.  I had been put through the ringer with his money and substance abuse issues, and stayed patiently by his side.  The cheating was the blow I couldn't take. My ex had too many issues that he needed to work through on his own, and he wasn't willing to work on his own person let alone put time into a marriage. 

    For me leaving was best, but I also have a sibling who stayed and their relationship is stronger because they did.  They decided to not walk away like I did, because they had a child involved in the relationship.  In the end, its worked for them.  I do know that my family does always question their happiness, and for this I am sad.  I do want them to be happy.  The reason these two have worked so far, and my ex and I couldn't, is they had two people willing to put in time to work on a relationship.

    Cheating makes trust hard.  It wasn't untl I met BF that I felt I could truly let go and trust another person again.

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  • BF and I just talked about this subject this weekend.  I guess it's hard to say what I would do until I was actually in that position.  My first "real" BF cheated on me and I broke up with him.  My parents split because my mom was cheating.  I can't stand it.  At this point I'd say it is a deal breaker. 

    When we talked this weekend (I don't even remember how it came up) I said that I wanted to always put in the work so that cheating is not something either of us feel the need to do because we are missing something in our relationship at home.  We both get that the grass isn't greener on the other side and that cheating is really a manifestation of the issues in the relationship.  I told him that if he is ever so unhappy that he feels the need to seek physical or emotional support elsewhere that I would want him to tell me so we can fix it or to just ask for a divorce and go do his thing.  


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