Awkward Question about Choosing a date

MedStudent13 · January 2012

Hello everybody! I got engaged about three months ago and now it's about time for my fiance and I to start picking a date for the wedding. I was wondering how you ladies went about picking a date that might be 'ideal' for the wedding night (if you know what I mean). Other than issues about whether or not you were trying to start a family right away, I for one would prefer not to have major period cramps the morning of my wedding. It seems to me that this is an issue that most of my protestant friends do not have to worry about since they simply begin taking their birth control pills to work with their date. Did you ladies try and predict a date that would work with your cycle or did you simply pick a date and cross your fingers? Thank you!

professorscience · January 2012

I was on the pill when we chose our date, and didn't even think about this until it was too late to make any changes. I started NFP about 5 months before we got married and I guess we got lucky that I was in an infertile phase.

If you've been charting, you should have a pretty clear idea of where you'll be in your cycle on a given weekend, so you could probably pick a day you want.

Calypso1977 · January 2012

i too was on the pill when i married, but went off it 2 months after.

however, now that ive been charting, i know my cycles are pretty consistent from month to month. i plan all our vacations around the infertile phase and when my period will be here.

i would definitely do this for my wedding day. for me, it wouldnt be the no sex if i was on my period that would bother me, but just the hassle of dealing with my period that day when id rather be thinking about other things!

Riss91 · January 2012

Welcome! I hope you stick around here!

We didn't base our wedding date off of my cycle. We just figured we would go with the flow. I would suggest starting NFP/charting as soon as possible. We waited too long and we weren't really confident by our wedding night, so we just waited. Honestly, we were so tired and we had waited so long by that point, that it wasn't really a big deal.

Even if you start charting well in advance it would be really difficult to gauge were fertile periods that far out. My cycles vary from 27-34 days, so even if I tried, it is highly possible the infertile period may change by then.

You should really base your date off of what your Church has available, plus any other personal desires you have for the date (reception hall availability, time of year, etc). Congrats and best of luck in your plans!

Calypso1977 · January 2012

We just figured we would go with the flow.

no pun intended. eeewww...

jfellows82 · January 2012

We just picked a date that worked for our schedules, church was available, etc. and are hoping for the best. I just started charting, so I'm not sure where I'll be at on the wedding night. We're open to a honeymoon baby if I happen to be fertile then, but otherwise we're TTA. Best of luck and congratulations!

Riss91 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_awkward-question-choosing-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:e790142a-34b7-4d35-a884-6c7a5689fbacPost:db1a16f3-73a0-44a4-8f8a-19df31839b2a">Re: Awkward Question about Choosing a date</a>:
[QUOTE]We just figured we would go with the flow. no pun intended. eee <a href="http://www..." rel="nofollow">www...</a>
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

lol -ya know, I thought of that, too! ha!

professorscience · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_awkward-question-choosing-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e790142a-34b7-4d35-a884-6c7a5689fbacPost:db1a16f3-73a0-44a4-8f8a-19df31839b2a">Re: Awkward Question about Choosing a date</a>:
[QUOTE]We just figured we would go with the flow. no pun intended. eee <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www...">www...</a>
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Hahahahaha!

I second Riss: I was so tired and hungry the night of our wedding that having sex was the last thing on my mind.

If your cycle changes lengths, it can be pretty tricky. Currently I can pretty much tell what parts of the month are going to be fertile, and what parts are going to be infertile, but so many factors can change it. You may just have to a) accept that you might have to wait a few more days or b) go for it and accept the possible pregnancy with love and excitement.

Edit: About the period... I wish there was a simple answer. Again, I can kind of predict the general week I'll get my period (one of the things I love about the color coded stickers in Billings). If you're pretty confident in your charting, you might be able to look at the weekend you think you'd get it, then pick a week maybe two weeks away from that, just to give yourself the room?

catarntina · January 2012

Frankly, I didn't care about my cycle when I was choosing a wedding date. I picked a date that worked with our work schedules and that was well in advance so I could make sure I got all the pre-cana done.

If you end up being on your period, put a lot of towels down on the bed beforehand. Your husband will get over it. If you're fertile, decide whether or not you wants kids right now. If you don't want kids right now, abstain for a few more days. Again, your husband will get over it.

Tami87 · January 2012

I tired to pick based on my cycle and started charting right after we got engaged. Then we couldn't get the original date we wanted so I picked the next best one thinking it was fine. Now about 6 months out the good news is it looks like I won't be on my period but I might be at the end of my fertile period. Fiance would love to have a baby right away but I'm still in graduate school and he hasn't gotten a job which actually uses his degree yet... so we are still praying about that one. So not sure if will abstain on our wedding night or maybe if I am lucky it will work out that I will have just started my infertile period but it will be close.

MedStudent13 · January 2012

Thank you ladies for your quick responses! I pretty much figured that I would just pick a date and hope for the best, we're planning on a long honeymoon anyways so there will be plenty of time for us to get to know each other :-)

Jay&Marissa · January 2012

We picked our date 2+ years out, so it wasn't an option, but honestly, even 3-4 months before I wasn't totally sure and I have very regular cycles. I wouldn't try it, you might be dissapointed. Plus, some women's cycles go nuts the month of their wedding because of the added stress...consider that.

That being said, our wedding day was the 1st day of Phase 3 (infertile period)--how's that for a wedding gift!

monkeysip · January 2012

I'm not married yet, but I've heard from several other catholic brides that their cycles became crazy before the wedding. They were having really long or really short cycles because of all the stress.

So, if you're planning a year out, I don't think you're going to be able to accurately predict whether you'll be on your period or not on a particular night.

I wouldn't worry about it

* Edit: I just realized that the poster above me basically said what I said. Reading all of the posts fail. Sorry.

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

I have talked with Catholic friends about using hormones to re-set your schedule before the wedding, but going off them before the wedding. These were well-catechized people who thought, on first consideration, this would be OK, 'cause you're not using the drugs to prevent conception, but for other reasons (one of which is to allow you to be clear-headed and pain-free as you receive the sacraments of matrimony and the Eucharist). If this is something really important to you, it might be something to talk over with a Priest, doctor, and NFP teacher.

The Catholic writer Matthew Lickona didn't consummate his marriage for 3 or 4 days because of NFP considerations. It happens. Don't let your husband tell as his buddies about it, though.

TeaForMe · January 2012

I agree with previous posters that the stress of the wedding can throw your cycle off and so you may be surprised. Mine were pretty regular, but the summer before the wedding, they started to get a little wonky. Plus, we wanted a specific date so I didn't even consider my menstrual cycle - and there were so many other plans to make, I didn't want to worry about something I didn't have any control over.

I will share this bit of TMI, though - I started my period the morning we left for our honeymoon in Hawaii. Ugh. Not the end of the world, but I won't lie, I was not happy.

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