Shower too close to wedding?

maadee91 · March 2013

First, I'm very much aware that I should not throw my own shower- if I have one, it will be because my lovely maid of honor has mentioned the subject while she's talking about what she is planning for the wedding week. I'm asking this question because I'm wondering whether I should (graciously

) accept her offer or whether I should decline.

The vast majority of our wedding guests are coming from (way) out of town to attend the wedding, including ALL of our wedding party and all of FI's relatives. Our wedding will be on Sat, June 01, and most everyone will be here by Wed, May 29th. My MOH asked about dates for the bridal shower, and I told her just that. I've also told her and my mom (who is also involved) multiple times that she doesn't need to feel obligated about throwing one at all- it's only if they want to. Now, according to what I've heard from her and other bridesmaids, I believe that the current plan is to have the bridal shower on Wed, the bachelorette party on Thurs, the rehearsal dinner on Fri, and the wedding on Sat.

Potentially having the shower SO close to the wedding is making me a little nervous. Especially since both are generally gift-related events. It's really not possible to move the date back, mostly fundamentally because my MOH (who is throwing it) won't be here any sooner. Should I approach and let her know that it seems like it's too much? Or should I just sit back and let them plan things as they wish?

Also, on a slightly related note, if she does move forward with the shower, should I put together a guest list? The Knot checklist has an item along the lines of "pass off the shower guest list to the person who is hosting". MOH recently left me a voicemail asking about specific people, none of whom are invited to the wedding. We haven't talked about it yet and so I'm wondering if I should just hand her a copy of everybody who was invited to the wedding and let her go from there, or whether I should actually make a guest list myself.

Thanks so much! You ladies are always so helpful, so I'm definitely looking forward to hearing your responses.

Lored · March 2013

Interesting question. I think I may defer my answer because others may know better what's right etiquette-wise. I"ve never really thought about it. Usually I buy a shower gift, then a month or two later, it's the wedding gift. It's not so much giving two gifts, but more the proximity, which could be difficult if one's on a tight budget. Just easier spread out. Whoever is invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding. As much as the bride is not supposed to be involved in the shower (where it could get sticky), she should provide some sort of list to whoever is hosting. It would be a serious faux pas if a girl were invited to the shower but not on the wedding list. Ok my real reason for posting is you are getting married on my birthday! Of course, this is an amazing omen to the strength and happiness of your marriage

))) EDIT: spelling. damn you, Chardonnay.

maadee91 · March 2013

Thanks, Retread! I appreciate your input. And Lored, that's so exciting! That's funny because it's actually my FBIL's birthday too (he's the best man)... he'll be turning 21!

lindanp · March 2013

Your post is a little eery because it is sooo similiar to my situation! My wedding is May 25th and my MOH is thowing me a shower the Wed before. We are doing it so closely because most of the guests, FI's immediate family and my 2 BM's won't be in town until that Wednesday.

I also wondered if it was too close but I think those people will understand. My MOH and I are working together on the guest list and we are taking names/addresses directly from the invitation mailing list. She's doing all the logistical stuff and technically "planning" it but I've offered to help her where I can with ideas, guest list, etc.

Hello+Panda · April 2013

I am in the same boat as PPs. My MoH is hosting my shower the day before my wedding so that my mother can attend. I couldn't be happier - she lives on the other side of the country and has missed out on helping me the way she would like to.

Shower too close to wedding?

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