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Wedding Reception Forum

Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party

I just made two very awkward phone calls. We are having a reception of about 50 people and all 50 of us are from out of town. There will 3 groups of kids there. My grooms 6 nieces and nephews, my sister's 2 young boys, and my cousin's 2 young girls. There are a few older ones as well who we've decided can stay until the reception is over, but we've decided that we'd like for the younger kids to exit the reception after we cut the cake around 8:30. Reception goes from 6:30 to 10:30. We frankly just don't want small children around for the entire night. All of the children who are coming to the wedding are very well behaved but this is what we want.

We thought we could offer to have a paid babysitter who is one of my groom's nieces up the block at one of the hotels so all the smaller children could be brought back to one room and watched by the sitter. This room is only about a block and a half away from the reception.

My cousin does not want to leave her kids with someone whom she doesn't know even based on my opinion of the babysitter. Needless to say, I know the babysitting teen very well and have no qualms about doing this but I can understand if she feels uncomfortable. She said that her husband will probably just take their kids at the designated time back to the room himself and stay there with them. I asked her if she thought all this was out of line and she told me that it wasn't, and that it was nice that we thought to offer an option but I occasionally feel like she is not always totally honest with me even though she likes to brag that we are as close as sisters.

Then I called my sister. My relationship with my sister is awkward for me, at best. She made me clarify about three times if I meant that we just didn't want kids there after a certain time because we just want it to be an adult affair, or if we were doing it because we thought there would be behavior problems. She kept attempting to remind me that her children are well behaved (frankly of all the children there, it would be one of hers who I would be keeping an eye on) and that they would just play it by ear...... whatever that means. But then she did insist that I clarify (which I thought I already HAD clarified) that I just want them gone at a certain time because I just don't want children there, period.She too responded as if she understood and was jsut working on the logistics of it, but I know she hung up the phone and will complain and gossip about this. What can I say?

The other kids parents will not have too much to say about all this. It was on my side that I knew there would be some weirdness. These were two of the most awkward and uncomfortable phone calls I've made in quite some time.

Do you have opinions on this? Is it rude?

Re: Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_asking-for-the-kids-to-leave-the-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8f3dcce8-89ad-455b-b7ca-1588b436a9fdPost:4050f367-ff66-4bab-829c-b95106150f31">Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just made two very awkward phone calls. We are having a reception of about 50 people and all 50 of us are from out of town. There will 3 groups of kids there. My grooms 6 nieces and nephews, my sister's 2 young boys, and my cousin's 2 young girls. There are a few older ones as well who we've decided can stay until the reception is over, but we've decided that we'd like for the younger kids to exit the reception after we cut the cake around 8:30. Reception goes from 6:30 to 10:30. We frankly just don't want small children around for the entire night. All of the children who are coming to the wedding are very well behaved but this is what we want. We thought we could offer to have a paid babysitter who is one of my groom's nieces up the block at one of the hotels so all the smaller children could be brought back to one room and watched by the sitter. This room is only about a block and a half away from the reception. My cousin does not want to leave her kids with someone whom she doesn't know even based on my opinion of the babysitter. Needless to say, I know the babysitting teen very well and have no qualms about doing this but I can understand if she feels uncomfortable. She said that her husband will probably just take their kids at the designated time back to the room himself and stay there with them. I asked her if she thought all this was out of line and she told me that it wasn't, and that it was nice that we thought to offer an option but I occasionally feel like she is not always totally honest with me even though she likes to brag that we are as close as sisters. Then I called my sister. My relationship with my sister is awkward for me, at best. She made me clarify about three times if I meant that we just didn't want kids there after a certain time because we just want it to be an adult affair, or if we were doing it because we thought there would be behavior problems. She kept attempting to remind me that her children are well behaved (frankly of all the children there, it would be one of hers who I would be keeping an eye on) and that they would just play it by ear...... whatever that means. But then she did insist that I clarify (which I thought I already HAD clarified) that I just want them gone at a certain time because I just don't want children there, period.She too responded as if she understood and was jsut working on the logistics of it, but I know she hung up the phone and will complain and gossip about this. What can I say? The other kids parents will not have too much to say about all this. It was on my side that I knew there would be some weirdness. These were two of the most awkward and uncomfortable phone calls I've made in quite some time. Do you have opinions on this? Is it rude?
    Posted by Jessicabutter[/QUOTE]<div>Yes, it's very rude. The reception is a thank you for your guests (ALL your guests) for coming to your ceremony. If you don't want the children there, you should not have invited them to the ceremony. </div><div>
    </div><div>How old are the ones you're letting stay?</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>

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  • If you can't host a babysitter at the reception venue, don't ask children to leave. It is a rude thing to do, and it puts parents in a really bad spot.

    It sounds like your sister was trying to pick a fight - but, to be honest, I feel for her.

    Young children often leave receptions early anyway - with one parent or with the whole family. But in the offchance that they want to stay later, please don't force your guests to leave.
  • If you didn't want children there the entire time then you shouldn't have invited them at all.  Asking them to leave half way through the reception is not only rude to the children but also rude to the parents.

    Also, many parents would not be willing to leave their children with a teenage babysitter if they do not know them well.  If I were a Mom and someone hired a babysitter for my child and expected me to just hand my kid over and be ok with it there would be a problem.

    I think what you are doing is very rude and selfish.  Let the parents be parents.  If the kids start misbehaving you have to trust that the parents will remove them from the situation if necessary.

  • What you did was rude.  You should have only invited adults if you didn't want children at the reception.  Asking kids to leave halfway through the reception is no less rude than asking granny to leave at 8;30, because you wanted it to be a younger crowd after that.  Guests are guests, regardless of age.

  • edited April 2013
    You have all made your point. I have called back both Moms and told them to forget the whole thing. That the kids can stay until the bitter end.

    Incidentally, while I appreciate your honesty and took your opinions under advisement...and ultimately followed your advice, I also gave you the barest of details so as not to keep you reading a 20 minute post. Frankly, I'm not a rude person at all and was trying to engineer a way to make EVERYONE happy, not just myself. Calling me rude was okay since you don't know all the details but "selfish?" Ouch, fellow brides. You of all people know how hard it is to please all your guests which is what I was initially trying to do in the first place.

    I have a great deal of empathy for parents and the lengths they go to while raising their children. My offer of an alternative plan to just omitting children from the festivities completely was intended to make things easier and more fun for the parents, not to alienate them. Admittedly, this result seemed to fall short of the intention and I have corrected it based on my sister and cousin's responses in conjunction with all of yours.

    You experts seem awfully quick to judge. Thanks for the advice though, I have taken it to heart.
  • I'm sorry, but I think it's silly to ask ANY guest regardless of age to leave early.    You know when you ask the kids to leave you are asking their parents also right?   Pretty mean thing to do to your siblings if you ask me.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2013
    OP, you should lurk before you post.

    And people (including kids) should be invited to the entire event and not part of time.
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  • Just to add OP for future reference

    Not your Child = Not your call to decide if a sitter is qualified.
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  • I'm sorry but asking children to leave your wedding at a certain hour comes off as selfish to me.  It is sending the message to the kids and to the parents that the only way you will have a good time for the remainder of your wedding day is if the kids were no longer present.

    I stand by my post.

    You may have had the best intentions in the world but what you did was in no way helpful to the parents but just out right rude.  I am glad you went back and made it right.

  • I don't think there are any details that would make me change my opinion of it, unless you were planning on having an orgy after 8:30. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_asking-for-the-kids-to-leave-the-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:8f3dcce8-89ad-455b-b7ca-1588b436a9fdPost:37b3b4bc-3ced-4b36-b615-5f42138f7f63">Re: Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]You have all made your point. I have called back both Moms and told them to forget the whole thing. That the kids can stay until the bitter end. Incidentally, while I appreciate your honesty and took your opinions under advisement...and ultimately followed your advice, I also gave you the barest of details so as not to keep you reading a 20 minute post. Frankly, I'm not a rude person at all and was trying to engineer a way to make EVERYONE happy, not just myself. Calling me rude was okay since you don't know all the details but "selfish?" Ouch, fellow brides. You of all people know how hard it is to please all your guests which is what I was initially trying to do in the first place. I have a great deal of empathy for parents and the lengths they go to while raising their children. My offer of an alternative plan to just omitting children from the festivities completely was intended to make things easier and more fun for the parents, not to alienate them. Admittedly, this result seemed to fall short of the intention and I have corrected it based on my sister and cousin's responses in conjunction with all of yours. <strong>You experts seem awfully quick to judge.</strong> Thanks for the advice though, I have taken it to heart.
    Posted by Jessicabutter[/QUOTE]

    It's not a judgement, you asked if your plan was rude. People told that you it was.  Is this situation the definition of who you are as a human being? No. But, it is the definition of this one situation. Which is the one you asked for our opinion on.
  • DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_asking-for-the-kids-to-leave-the-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8f3dcce8-89ad-455b-b7ca-1588b436a9fdPost:7c2b57f4-7827-4382-b3e8-cf27cd95fe19">Re: Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think there are any details that would make me change my opinion of it, unless you were planning on having an orgy after 8:30. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_asking-for-the-kids-to-leave-the-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8f3dcce8-89ad-455b-b7ca-1588b436a9fdPost:37b3b4bc-3ced-4b36-b615-5f42138f7f63">Re: Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]You have all made your point. I have called back both Moms and told them to forget the whole thing. That the kids can stay until the bitter end. Incidentally, while I appreciate your honesty and took your opinions under advisement...and ultimately followed your advice, I also gave you the barest of details so as not to keep you reading a 20 minute post. Frankly, I'm not a rude person at all and was trying to engineer a way to make EVERYONE happy, not just myself. Calling me rude was okay since you don't know all the details but "selfish?" Ouch, fellow brides. You of all people know how hard it is to please all your guests which is what I was initially trying to do in the first place. I have a great deal of empathy for parents and the lengths they go to while raising their children. My offer of an alternative plan to just omitting children from the festivities completely was intended to make things easier and more fun for the parents, not to alienate them. Admittedly, this result seemed to fall short of the intention and I have corrected it based on my sister and cousin's responses in conjunction with all of yours. You experts seem awfully quick to judge. Thanks for the advice though, I have taken it to heart.
    Posted by Jessicabutter[/QUOTE]

    <div>I understand that you provided a sitter option to be helpful.  Truly, I do.  But as a parent, I don't care how well YOU know the sitter, unless *I* know the sitter, my children are not staying with them.  Maybe I'm an uptight parent or overbearing, but that's how I feel about it.  </div><div>On the other hand, I wouldn't keep my three and four year old out until 10:30 PM at a wedding reception either, mostly because they'd be tired and either whiny or just out and out crazy and would annoy other people.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I think you did the right thing offering to find a sitter, but you just can't expect everyone to go for it.</div>
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  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_asking-for-the-kids-to-leave-the-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:8f3dcce8-89ad-455b-b7ca-1588b436a9fdPost:4050f367-ff66-4bab-829c-b95106150f31">Asking For the Kids to Leave The Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just made two very awkward phone calls. We are having a reception of about 50 people and all 50 of us are from out of town. There will 3 groups of kids there. My grooms 6 nieces and nephews, my sister's 2 young boys, and my cousin's 2 young girls. There are a few older ones as well who we've decided can stay until the reception is over, but we've decided that we'd like for the younger kids to exit the reception after we cut the cake around 8:30. Reception goes from 6:30 to 10:30. We frankly just don't want small children around for the entire night. All of the children who are coming to the wedding are very well behaved but this is what we want. We thought we could offer to have a paid babysitter who is one of my groom's nieces up the block at one of the hotels so all the smaller children could be brought back to one room and watched by the sitter. This room is only about a block and a half away from the reception. My cousin does not want to leave her kids with someone whom she doesn't know even based on my opinion of the babysitter. Needless to say, I know the babysitting teen very well and have no qualms about doing this but I can understand if she feels uncomfortable. She said that her husband will probably just take their kids at the designated time back to the room himself and stay there with them. I asked her if she thought all this was out of line and she told me that it wasn't, and that it was nice that we thought to offer an option but I occasionally feel like she is not always totally honest with me even though she likes to brag that we are as close as sisters. Then I called my sister. My relationship with my sister is awkward for me, at best. She made me clarify about three times if I meant that we just didn't want kids there after a certain time because we just want it to be an adult affair, or if we were doing it because we thought there would be behavior problems. She kept attempting to remind me that her children are well behaved (frankly of all the children there, it would be one of hers who I would be keeping an eye on) and that they would just play it by ear...... whatever that means. But then she did insist that I clarify (which I thought I already HAD clarified) that I just want them gone at a certain time because I just don't want children there, period.She too responded as if she understood and was jsut working on the logistics of it, but I know she hung up the phone and will complain and gossip about this. What can I say? The other kids parents will not have too much to say about all this. It was on my side that I knew there would be some weirdness. These were two of the most awkward and uncomfortable phone calls I've made in quite some time. Do you have opinions on this? Is it rude?
    Posted by Jessicabutter[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it is rude and highly inconvenient to the parents. How do you expect them to get home half way through the event? that is competely inconvenient and a horrible idea.

    If they are invited to part of the wedding, they should be invited to the whole thing.

    You are making a HUGE etiquette faux pas
  • I'm glad you changed your mind on this. FWIW your plan WAS rude and did come off as selfish. No additional information would make it any different. You either invite your guests for the whole thing or don't invite them to any part of it. End of story.


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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    I can't believe you thought it was appropriate to remove half the guests halfway through the evening.

    At my next party, I'm going to ask all those under 29 to leave at 8pm because I feel like it.

    I also can't believe you called some of your guests and said this - straight faced - to them.  My god, I would've been quite angry at you due to your sheer rudeness.  Really, OP - I'm glad you got a clue.

    EDITed for Retread.  My apologies, you're right.
  • Glad you came around, OP....let bygones be bygones at this point and enjoy your wedding with (all) your guests. I wouldn't make things weirder with an apology note or anything else now.
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    I edited my post - you're very right, Retread.
  • You can't ask people to leave halfway through the wedding (even if they are children and you provide your sitter.  You do not get to judge the qualifications of a sitter for all of the children if you are not their mother or father.  Asking guests to leave their children with a sitter they do not know 1.5 blocks away is rude and selfish.  No additional details would change my mind regarding that observation.  You don't want kids there, you want parents to leave kids with sitter despite them being uncomfortable with it and you do not care = rude and selfish. Maybe you are not a rude or selfish person, but actions like this will make people think that you are.

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  • SGJames519SGJames519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2013
    Being as you've already changed your mind, and your wedding is -very- soon, I'm afraid it's too late to change course now my dear. But in contrast to the previous ladies, I completely agree with the 'no kid' policy. I'm doing the same thing for my wedding. The kids are welcome at the church, but not the reception (and the wedding invites specify so). We have not-so-nice kids related to us, and I refuse to spend my day with tired whiney kids and mothers who can't enjoy themselves. If they're really interested in participating, they'll find someone they trust to give them a day away from the kids, to enjoy the night as an adult couple. In the end think of the guests. Annoying 3 couples with kids is much LESS RUDE than annoying the other 22 couples with those kids. And one bad egg CAN ruin the whole thing! Don't take them too much to heart. And ladies, a simple, "I agree with so-and-so" is far less hash than having to read twenty people call you "rude". Good Luck!
  • Thanks for asking the question these brides are mean as heck!! I was wondering the same thing!
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