October 2014 Weddings

guest list out of control

I'm a budget girl, my other half is a "you want it but it". He's the shopper, I'm the saver. He's Italian and has a huge family that keeps growing, along with our guest list. 275 and only 50 are my family and friends. So how do I eliminate or reduce? Granted his mom is contributing a large sum, the rest comes from our wallet.

Re: guest list out of control

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    If his mom is helping to pay for the wedding, she gets a say in who is invited.

    This is my suggestion- You and your FI should sit down with his mother and talk about the total budget for your wedding and how much everyone can contribute.  Then the three of you should figure out who your guest list VIPs are- the people that you absolutely must have at your wedding, and that is your working guest list.  Then I would start getting some quotes from venues and revisit the guest list together as needed.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I feel your pain! I'm italian, and I have a ton of family members--who knew there were so many cousins?! Something that helped us to trim the guest list is to create a ranking system.  We labeled all of our essential people---godparents, parents, grandparents, bridal party, etc with a "1."  These are the people that are absolutely necessary and we cannot have the wedding without them.  Then we gave everyone a "2" who we thought would make our day very special.  We chose aunts, uncles, and first cousins only.  We gave everyone a "3" if it would be nice if they came, but wouldn't ruin our day if they didn't.  Some of these people were second cousins, dates, work friends, college and high school friends, church members, etc.  We also eliminated "+1's" unless the couple is engaged or living together, and we are not having children.  By doing this system, we eliminated 80 guests! Could you imagine the cost of those plates of food!?!  Also, I'd recommend being honest with your FI and his mother.  If she's adding 20 people to the guest list of her work friends, maybe communicate to her to cut it down to the 10 essential.  Have you thought about having a second party after the wedding?  A friend of mine had a small reception immediately following her ceremony for her closest friends and family members.  A week later, she invited friends, church members, and other people to her home and cooked a lovely meal for them.  This way, you get to celebrate with everyone without the $60 a plate price tag
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2014-weddings_guest-list-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:b65bfbe8-5f94-4b5f-8c03-c96f91929372Discussion:781d3dc5-7a78-4f70-8a5c-506f665ef363Post:34c63dd0-f334-4343-98c0-b70bf90ce545">Re: guest list out of control</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel your pain! I'm italian, and I have a ton of family members--who knew there were so many cousins?! Something that helped us to trim the guest list is to create a ranking system.  We labeled all of our essential people---godparents, parents, grandparents, bridal party, etc with a "1."  These are the people that are absolutely necessary and we cannot have the wedding without them.  Then we gave everyone a "2" who we thought would make our day very special.  We chose aunts, uncles, and first cousins only.  We gave everyone a "3" if it would be nice if they came, but wouldn't ruin our day if they didn't.  Some of these people were second cousins, dates, work friends, college and high school friends, church members, etc.  <strong>We also eliminated "+1's" unless the couple is engaged or living together</strong>, and we are not having children.  By doing this system, we eliminated 80 guests! Could you imagine the cost of those plates of food!?!  Also, I'd recommend being honest with your FI and his mother.  If she's adding 20 people to the guest list of her work friends, maybe communicate to her to cut it down to the 10 essential.  Have you thought about having a second party after the wedding?  A friend of mine had a small reception immediately following her ceremony for her closest friends and family members.  A week later, she invited friends, church members, and other people to her home and cooked a lovely meal for them.  This way, you get to celebrate with everyone without the $60 a plate price tag
    Posted by des9724[/QUOTE]

    Des has some great advice here, but I want to strongly, strongly caution you both against the bolded.  I am not trying to be harsh or mean, I just want to give a heads-up.

    Socially, it is very rude not to invite the significant other of one of your guests to your wedding and reception.  Regardless of whether or not they are living together or engaged or married, if they are a couple they should both receive an invitation.   I dated my FI for 10yrs before becoming engaged, and if either of us had received an invitation where the other was omitted, we would have declined.

    Now, it is perfectly acceptible not to extend a +1 to truly single guests, but couples really should be invited together or you risk offending your friends and family.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2014-weddings_guest-list-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:b65bfbe8-5f94-4b5f-8c03-c96f91929372Discussion:781d3dc5-7a78-4f70-8a5c-506f665ef363Post:6dc32937-6819-4dad-ac93-252ad1672506">Re: guest list out of control</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: guest list out of control : Des has some great advice here, but I want to strongly, strongly caution you both against the bolded.  I am not trying to be harsh or mean, I just want to give a heads-up. Socially, it is very rude not to invite the significant other of one of your guests to your wedding and reception.  Regardless of whether or not they are living together or engaged or married, if they are a couple they should both receive an invitation.   I dated my FI for 10yrs before becoming engaged, and if either of us had received an invitation where the other was omitted, we would have declined. Now, it is perfectly acceptible not to extend a +1 to truly single guests, but couples really should be invited together or you risk offending your friends and family.
    Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You make a good point, and no worries---I'm not offended at all. I only stated that we had chosen to invite very serious couples because it worked for us.  Luckily, our friends and family are very understanding about our budget, and they have no issues with our decision.  I wasn't saying it was a good decision for everyone, but it was the only thing we could do.  Also, we took every "couple" on a case-by-case basis.  For two sets of our friends, they have been dating for 2+ years or more--so both couples were invited even though they aren't engaged or living together. However, if some of our friends are no longer single right before the invitations go out, I obviously cannot invite them. I should have stated my situation more clearly, but my brain is broken for teaching all day.. haha

    </div>
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