How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?

Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?

• itzMS member

  

  April 2013

  This is the perfect example as to why you must sit down and make your guest list PRIOR to selecting a venue.
  
  Since that ship has sailed for you, my question is...who is paying for your wedding? If dad is footing the bill, he does have say over the guest list.
  
  If he is not otherwise paying, you could request that he pays for his extra guests.

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  April 2013

  When you say you have 125 heads in your contract, I'm not sure what it means.  Is that the limit that the venue can hold or is that the below capacity number you agreed to in your contract with the venue?

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• AddieCake member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2013

  It sounds like it is the capacity number they agreed to. The venue holds more, but the options are to either not let any more in at 125 or to start charging them extra once they go over. 

  
  

  OP, if your dad wants these extra people there and you can't afford it, you have to tell him you can't afford it. Maybe you could do like MS suggested and tell him he will need to pay for them if he wants them there, but don't send them an invitation until you have the cash in hand. 

  
  

  I don't see what he can't understand. If you have $5, and something costs $10, you don't have enough money to buy it! 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• harper0813 member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-do-i-tell-my-dad-i-cant-invite-his-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:092f4f76-b868-4810-bd21-54d9e098a03ePost:5de73b58-539b-402f-92f2-1be296881475">Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?</a>:
  [QUOTE]OP, if your dad wants these extra people there and you can't afford it, you have to tell him you can't afford it. Maybe you could do like MS suggested and tell him he will need to pay for them if he wants them there, but don't send them an invitation until you have the cash in hand.
  Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Great advice. This.</div><div>
  </div>

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• QueerFemme member

  

  April 2013

  I agree with Addie.  Tell Dad that the extra 50 people will cost X dollars, and you cannot swing it in your budget.  Sometimes, giving people hard numbers changes their tune. 

  

  Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

  http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
  

  http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
  

  http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
  

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• libby2483 member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2013

  "Dad, I'm sorry but we simply can't afford to accommodate everyone on your guest list.  I know you would like to celebrate with these people, but it just isn't possible for us to include everyone.  Can you please let me know the names of the 6 (or however many people on his list you can accommodate) you would most like to attend?"

  
  

  Remember, if any of your dad's friends has a SO, that person needs to be invited too, whether you know them or not.  Factor that in when telling your dad how many of his friends you can accommodate.

  
  

  Edit: Oh and if your dad has already verbally invited these people, he needs to verbally uninvite them.  It was his mistake and he needs to fix it.

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• Ella and Pedro member

  

  April 2013

  Also, don't forgot when you give him the price per guest total, to include:
  
  extra rentals of placesettings, glasses, linens, plates, utensils
  a possible extra catering staff member, or staff plural
  a possible extra coat check, valet, or whatever
  possible extra rentals for ceremony chairs
  extra flowers for any extra tables
  extra cake
  extra champagne or other liquor if you are buying by the bottle
  extra favors

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• MoxieMickie member

  

  April 2013

  Do you want a 175 person wedding instead of a 125 person wedding? Do you want 50 people you aren't close to at your wedding? If not, remember that no is a complete sentence. Your dad's desire to have these 50 people there is not your problem to solve. Your dad "inviting" these people is not your problem to solve (quotations because he never had the authority to invite them.) Would you bring a group of random people over to his Thanksgiving dinner?
  You do not have to send them invitations, and it would be a good idea to tell your dad he may want to let these 50 people know they won't be invited.
  You could give in a little by letting him have a few people if he pays for them. You are allowed not to like that idea, as if you are renting out tables at your wedding.

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• jackiebrim member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-do-i-tell-my-dad-i-cant-invite-his-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:092f4f76-b868-4810-bd21-54d9e098a03ePost:c0970da4-c4a8-4233-8f95-57d9d58560c6">Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?</a>:
  [QUOTE]This is the perfect example as to why you must sit down and make your guest list PRIOR to selecting a venue. Since that ship has sailed for you, my question is...who is paying for your wedding? If dad is footing the bill, he does have say over the guest list. If he is not otherwise paying, you could request that he pays for his extra guests.
  Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>He is not paying.</div><div>
  </div><div>And yes, the number is just the count we agreed to; the venue can definitely fit more.
  
  </div>

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• jackiebrim member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-do-i-tell-my-dad-i-cant-invite-his-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:092f4f76-b868-4810-bd21-54d9e098a03ePost:826d0cfd-29d6-456e-92e1-d4bd85909c98">Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Do you want a 175 person wedding instead of a 125 person wedding? Do you want 50 people you aren't close to at your wedding? If not, remember that no is a complete sentence. Your dad's desire to have these 50 people there is not your problem to solve. Your dad "inviting" these people is not your problem to solve (quotations because he never had the authority to invite them.) Would you bring a group of random people over to his Thanksgiving dinner? You do not have to send them invitations, and it would be a good idea to tell your dad he may want to let these 50 people know they won't be invited. You could give in a little by letting him have a few people if he pays for them. You are allowed not to like that idea, as if you are renting out tables at your wedding.
  Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Thanks everyone. I told him I would send out invitations to eight of the people he wanted to invite, as they are family friends, and I would gladly invite the other if he would be willing to pay for them.</div>

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• Jen4948 member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-do-i-tell-my-dad-i-cant-invite-his-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:092f4f76-b868-4810-bd21-54d9e098a03ePost:6a387f88-1d7d-488d-a636-9c05f4c39c2f">Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends? : Thanks everyone. I told him I would send out invitations to eight of the people he wanted to invite, as they are family friends, and I would gladly invite the other if he would be willing to pay for them.
  Posted by jackiebrim[/QUOTE]
  
  How did he respond?  I hope he didn't give you a hard time over this.

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• jackiebrim member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-do-i-tell-my-dad-i-cant-invite-his-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:092f4f76-b868-4810-bd21-54d9e098a03ePost:1b4518ff-419c-4066-8f38-ff9334946e5e">Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I tell my dad I can't invite his friends? : How did he respond?  I hope he didn't give you a hard time over this.
  Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>He wasn't happy about it, but he understood. He told me to wait and see what kind of a response I got from the response cards and then he would decide.</div>

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