The Dreaded "Junior" Bridesmaid Debate

Re: The Dreaded "Junior" Bridesmaid Debate

• Peledreamsofrain member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-dreaded-junior-bridesmaid-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f40ca115-8b38-4893-b89e-2a6eabad0937Post:803883e4-03b7-4675-9094-c2a3e0487e8b">The Dreaded "Junior" Bridesmaid Debate</a>:
  [QUOTE]There have been so many threads regarding this question.  I pose my question in all seriousness, and am hoping for a logical explanation.   While I  do understand the arguments about "calling a bridesmaid a bridesmaid" and making no qualifying distinction as to junior or senior,  I don't see the need to create a big brewhaha over the argument. To that end, then, why is a distinction made between a groomsman and an usher?  Wouldn't the role of an usher be inherently less desirable because it mandates having to perform a job or duty?  And, isn't the "theme" of being a bridesmaid that there should be no duty other than to attend the wedding?  Why then, do the men have such a distinction? In my area, and in my personal experience, we have never made a distinction with the men.  Prior to the ceremony, the groomsmen ushered in arriving guests.  They all just milled about the entry foyer or gathering space, and took turns leading guests into the ceremony room or church.  Often, the best man might stay "behind the scenes" with the groom, but the other groomsmen would be available to usher. Truly just curious.......
  Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>My own personal opinion is that this confusion has been created out of old traditions clashing with new.</div><div>
  </div><div>In the olden days, everyone was escorted to their seats, hence the need for ushers.  Nowadays, people have realized that most adults don't need to be escorted, nor told where to sit.  More and more weddings don't even have ushers (mine didn't).</div><div>
  </div><div>As far as why the different standard for the men: I would think that has to do with the old idea that women are not to be over-stressed with responsibility, being delicate and vapid flowers.  The sentiment has gone away, but people stick to tradition because 'that's how it's always been done'.</div><div>
  </div><div>Just my thoughts.
  
  </div>

  Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• mlg78 member

  

  March 2013

  I also agree that being an usher is crap and men should just have groomsmen.

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• libby2483 member

  

  March 2013

  We just had our groomsmen act as ushers.

  
  

  I really don't feel strongly either way about the whole junor bridesmaid thing.  My H's 11-year-old sister was in our WP, and I honestly can't remember if we refered to her as a junior BM or just as a BM.  And my wedding was just in August, so clearly, the title wasn't really on my radar.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  In Deathly Hallows, a few of them acted as ushers and escorted people to their seats. Aunt Muriel seemed to like it.
  
  In general, it's a position that doesn't seem necessary. It does sound a like like second string groomsmen, but with an actual job.
  Honestly, it sounds like it's up there with guest book attendant.

  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2013

  "As far as why the different standard for the men: I would think that has to do with the old idea that women are not to be over-stressed with responsibility, being delicate and vapid flowers.  The sentiment has gone away, but people stick to tradition because 'that's how it's always been done'."

  
  

  Agree.  However, this logic of "that's how it has always been done" is often used as a counterargument to "enlighten" brides as to why other "traditions: should no longer be done or used.

  
  

  "Being an usher is a crap job."   "It's a position that doesn't seem necessary".

  " It does sound  like a second string groomsmen, but with an actual job." 

  
  

  If thoughts like this prevail, then I have to wonder why "drama" is not born from this issue as it is with the junior bridesmaid issue.  

  
  

  Again, I honestly have no personal investment in this issue whatsoever.  Both of my children are married.  But, from another point of view, is it possible a pre-teen/early teen would see the role of junior bridesmaid as an "elevation" from that of flower girl, and be happy to fulfill the role?  Why is it assumed that these young girls will be offended/insulted with such a title, and yet adult men being designated "second string groomsmen" goes untouched?

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• TKzilla member

  

  March 2013

  I have a junior bridesmaid. She's nine years old and flat out said to me she wanted to be a JUNIOR bridesmaid ("Because I'm short, Court", she said. She's nine going on 29, I swear.)

  
  

  If she wanted to be a regular ol' bridesmaid, she'd be a bridesmaid. She was just adament that she didn't want to be a flower girl because that's for little kids. I think in her mind, being the only junior bridesmaid means she's extra special than the other bridesmaids, which is fine. It will be interesting though to see who she walks with in the processional because all of FI's groomsmen are like at least 5'10" and she is TEENY!

  
  

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• tlc35 member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  So my brother is going to be an "usher" at my wedding. I offered to have him stand on my side and be a bridesman but he preferred to sit in the front row and be an usher. I actually don't plan on having him seat guests. He wil just walk my mom down the aisle and sit in the front row. He will wear the same tux as the GM. I want him to be included and this is how it worked out best. Eta: we aren't having programs so guests won't even see titles.

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-dreaded-junior-bridesmaid-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f40ca115-8b38-4893-b89e-2a6eabad0937Post:5f5271f1-e760-43eb-b0aa-dd94956eaf11">Re: The Dreaded "Junior" Bridesmaid Debate</a>:
  [QUOTE]"Junior" automatically conveys the "baby bridesmaid" notion. There is, furthermore, no need for it, since they are doing the same thing a BRIDESMAID is doing. The silly junior business points out that they're younger. Pat them on the head while you're at it. Usher IS a second-string job.  Guys seem to care about weddings a lot less than women do, although I have heard some men, especially brothers, complain about being stuck in the usher job.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This. I really don't understand your question, honestly, b/c as Retread points out, ushers DO something different. They USHER. A bridesmaid and a JUNIOR bridesmaid do not do anything differently from one another. That's why some of us roll our eyes at the terminology. If you had 2 flower girls, one 8 and one 4, would you call the 4-year-old a junior flower girl?  No. So why do that to a bridesmaid? </div><div>
  </div><div>ETA: TLC makes a good point about not having programs and nobody seeing titles. That's another thing about this whole concept. Most guests won't even KNOW they are a "junior" of anything, so why bother? When you talk about your wedding party, you only complicate your life by having this title. "I have 6 bridesmaids and 2 junior bridesmaids." If people don' know what that means, you will get, "Huh?  What's a junior bridesmaid?" And have to explain that, which they will then possibly (if they are like some of us) roll their eyes at. Much easier to just say "I have 8 bridesmaids." </div>

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-dreaded-junior-bridesmaid-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f40ca115-8b38-4893-b89e-2a6eabad0937Post:f3310cca-cdc5-425e-9087-a93bf785910b">Re: The Dreaded "Junior" Bridesmaid Debate</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Dreaded "Junior" Bridesmaid Debate : This. I really don't understand your question, honestly, b/c as Retread points out, ushers DO something different. They USHER. A bridesmaid and a JUNIOR bridesmaid do not do anything differently from one another. That's why some of us roll our eyes at the terminology. If you had 2 flower girls, one 8 and one 4, would you call the 4-year-old a junior flower girl?  No. So why do that to a bridesmaid?
  Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I like this comparison a lot.</div><div>
  </div><div>And FWIW, we also had ushers. We had a large number of guests, so we felt they were warranted. And we also wanted people to be sat on both sides regardless of 'bride or groom' since most of 'his' guests had considerably farther to travel than mine and there were thus more declines. Having extra ushers to encourage people to sit on both sides helped with that.</div><div>
  </div><div>Ultimately, 'usher' is not an inherently insulting title the way 'junior' anything is. Seriously, no teenager wants to be called 'junior' because it does imply they were only picked because they're so widdle and pwecious. If a younger girl specifically requests it as in Court's case? Sure, fine. But better to not risk offending someone in the first place.</div>

  

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• MsYeck member

  

  March 2013

  My grandma loves ushers, so do a lot of my elderly relatives who occasionally need a little help balancing on their feet. Ushers "usher" people to there seat and then sit with everyone else and directs people out at the end of the ceremony. They are more common in large weddings and church weddings but could be used anywhere. Groomsmen actually are up there with the bide and groom, ushers are not.

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• bfsboo

  

  March 2013

  
  I don't see anything wrong with a junior bridesmaid. My future daughter in law is 10 and too old to be a flower girl but we have assigned our 2 other children special parts in the wedding so we couldn't leave her out. But she's not doing the same as the other bridesmaids. She is not expected to pay for her dress, she couldn't go to my bridal shower because my aunt threw it for me on a weeknight; it was an hour away and would have been past her bedtime. She also won't be going to the bachelorette party and will basically be sticking with the other kids except when we sit at the head table. Not the typical bridesmaid. And she just might get a pat on the head that day.

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• bfsboo

  

  March 2013

  She loves pats on the heads and she is thrilled with the position.

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• sloan7255 member

  

  April 2013

  From how I see it, if people want to be "traditional" or 'non-traditional", they have that right to. This whole conversation about whats right and wrong and who would or would not get offended by being a Junior Bridesmaid or an Usher is a little ridiculous because it is always going ot be relative to the situation. I have a larger family and want to include my younger sisters and cousin (I am 25 and at least 12 years older than them) but do not want them to have responsibilties like I would HOPE my bridesmaids have on my wedding day and leading up to it. They will not be wearing the same dresses nor am I going to put even more responsibility on my own parents to get them involved and driven aroun and pay for their things because they are simply too young for that at this point. It doesn't mean that I think of them any less because they are a Junior and they understand this. My FH and I also don't want to have 8 people on one side and 5 on the other so are opting to have the three girls come down together and sit at the side (they are also all best friends), but some people dont care.

  
  

  If you are not in to bachelorettes or showers or anything fun then that is your own perogative, but it is pretty normal now-a-days to do these outtings, even if they were not "originally" part of a bridesmaids functions - and bridesmaids today I feel have a duty to help plan and coordinate if you are so inclined - a junior bridesmaid can't afford to do these things in my eyes (i.e: age, what small investment, planning, transporation, etc).
  

  Basically I think of it this way... It's YOUR wedding day, after all is said and done no one will care who is who, no one will remember that you did or did not have an usher to walk them down the aisle to their seat - eveyone is going to remember you, your husband, and the ATMOSPHERE of your wedding. If your wedding party or family is stressing you out about who you should have then I think you need to remember it is YOUR day and whatever dicision you make is something everyone needs to accept. There will always be that one person who is going to not agree with you, just figure out what you can and can't live with and enjoy your special day!

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