Chit Chat

SIL has turned into the SILfromHell

I was talking to my SIL last night and she was asking about how to get to the venue (invits aren't out yet but my close family now what date and where as I had to make sure they could make it) I said that you either fly or they go to a port and get a ferry across. (which is obviouse from where it is)
This was met by much objection and became her saying that I should be paying for their transport.
This became a greater conversation about the wedding and the cost of it all. I was very honest and said I didn't know and that she knows my FH parents are paying.
She got very narky at me - saying I should ask them to pay for all the guests transport (oh come on) or that we should be paying for the wedding ourselves.
I will admit to getting slightly angry at this but just repeated that his parents offered and wanted to host the weding and we accepted.
This became a greater insult on me and FH with her saying that I am only marrying him for money and that I am basically a gold-digger (I will be honest and say that I most certainly marrying up)
I lost it told her to f**k off and put the phone down
She has been with my brother for years and their daughter is one of my bridesmaids. We are not each others cup of tea and if we weren't related we wouldn't be friends at all. But we have always been nice and polite with each other and are fine. So this is completely out of character.

What the hell am I meant to do and I really want to try and keep it away from the rest of the family

edit: Not a destination wedding or a remote location just to get there from where they live they need to travel over water (can't go around) and so either need to fly or get the ferry

Re: SIL has turned into the SILfromHell

  • Ferry or flight - you mean like they're traveling from their city to your city? Like Milwaukee to Detroit, so they can either ferry across or fly?

    Or are all guests traveling to a remote venue location?
  • I may be speculating but being from New England this sounds like maybe Block Island or Martha's vineyard, OP clarify?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Okay, question first: Is this a destination wedding or a wedding nearby that happens to be on a small island?

    Second, I would first just stop talking to her about plans.  It sounds like you two really aren't friends, just friendly because of your relation.  If she tries to bring the wedding stuff up again, change the subject.  The only information she really needs is for the BM daughter (is she old enough to take care of herself, if so, send her the info directly).

    As far as family, I'm pretty positive she will spill this out to your brother.  Unfortunately, since you admit to losing it a little, she'll most likely tell people about it.  Just try to stay poised from here out and if people bring it to you, calmly let them know it was a bad moment between you two.  Remaining calm and controlled may keep it from snowballing into more drama.  Apologizing to her (even though her statements were rude) for your outburst will be helpful when it comes to the rest of the family.
  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sil-has-turned-into-the-silfromhell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:369b3426-989a-47d7-878a-a6b8e82dd2bcPost:2321cf46-ba36-464e-bcd2-30e7bd1efd2c">Re: SIL has turned into the SILfromHell</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ferry or flight - you mean like they're traveling from their city to your city? Like Milwaukee to Detroit, so they can either ferry across or fly? Or are all guests traveling to a remote venue location?
    Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

    Sorry - yeah travelling from their city to the city where the wedding is (FH hometown)
    Not a remote location. Just that from where they are you need to go over water so either fly or get the ferry (which people do often)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sil-has-turned-into-the-silfromhell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:369b3426-989a-47d7-878a-a6b8e82dd2bcPost:c091e5aa-8c6e-419b-b4ea-e7f4245402d4">Re: SIL has turned into the SILfromHell</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: SIL has turned into the SILfromHell : Sorry - yeah travelling from their city to the city where the wedding is (FH hometown) Not a remote location. Just that from where they are you need to go over water so either fly or get the ferry (which people do often)
    Posted by seaweedandtoast[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then, in that case, she was totally out of line. It is none of her business who is paying for the wedding and why you are marrying your FI (and I'm assuming you're marrying him because you two love each other). You are not obligated to pay for their transportation and it is not unheard of nor outlandish to marry in one of your hometowns, even if it's far from some of your guests. Either way, SOMEONE will have to travel to the wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>As impolite as it was of you to say "f you", heck, I would have said the same thing. But moving forward, I think you recognize that it's best to ignore her rude demands and commentary. Don't breathe a word of this conversation to your family - if she wants to spread this story of how ridiculous she thinks you are, let her do it and let her look dumb. Be better than her. Vent to your FI. Maybe talk to your brother - ask if they are able to make it, and if they can't, tell him how much you'll miss him and his family there. Don't trash-talk his wife - don't bring her up at all. And if he blows up at you too, tell him that you are sorry he feels that way and say good-bye.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm sorry to hear that your SIL said such hurtful things to you. I hope you are able to ignore her and enjoy your engagement and upcoming wedding.</div>
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