I was the Maid-of-Honour in my former best-friends wedding. I offered to host her Bridal Shower as her mother was diagnosed as terminally ill (which was later a misdiagnoses) shortly after becoming engaged. This was with the understanding that we would discuss and come to decisions together, as it is a party to honour her, but my (and the other bridesmaids) money that would be spent. I spent weeks looking for affordable halls and invitations trying to find something that suited the bride’s personality perfectly.
As I’m fresh out of college and have a number of student loans to pay back I was on a limited budget (of the two other bridesmaids one is still a student and the other’s husband was just laid-off and they have two small children).
However, the bride started to book and buy things without telling me. One such item was the hall where the shower would be held, this was $1,000.00 alone. She didn't tell me what location and what date she would be booking the hall (she almost booked it on my father's birthday (and we had already planned a party for him)). At this time she also ordered her invitations without telling me, which were much more expensive than what I had budgeted for, around $120.00. She never asked how much I was comfortable with spending and just purchased them with the assumption I would be paying her back. I expressed to her at this time that I would have appreciated that she have involved me in this decision because I was the one who was paying and that she shouldn’t be committing me to pay for items without knowing if I had the money. This issue seemed to have been settled.
Fast forward a few months, the dresses have been ordered, and favours purchased, as well as invitations printed and assembled by me. I had also purchased items for the shower such a table décor and items for games during the shower. The bride went ahead and committed to ordering a cake without talking to me again. I expressed to her my feelings about the costs of the shower and how it was my money, and how she had no right to spend my money as she saw fit (I admit that my temper was short at this point). This proceeded to a full fledged argument where she stated “it’s my day, I get what I want!" and “It should be a surprise so my fiancé is setting up because I shouldn’t help at all”. I called her a Bride-zilla (probably not the best thing to say, but she was acting like one). Her fiancé then took it upon himself to say “she doesn’t need you as a friend” “you’re a b**ch”and “you’re out of the wedding party”. All of this occurred over text (she didn’t seem to know that he had removed me from the wedding party until I informed her over text). She came to pick up her invitations at our mutual place of work (customer service industry) and proceeded to call me a b**ch in front of a customer.
The next day I wrote her a lengthy but heart-felt letter about how I felt about the situation, namely how she had started to de-value our friendship and treated me as more of a bank account than as a friend. That it bothered me that I had continuously gone out of my way to find locations for the shower that fit the budget the bridesmaids and I were comfortable with and how she never seemed appreciative for all the work I had gone through to try and make this day special for her. To which her only response was “I get what you mean that no one wanted to help pay” which wasn’t the point in the least. She’s demanded the return of her items which we left at my house, most of which I had paid for.
The question and advice I need is:
a) was I wrong in taking this stance based on her actions. The friendship at this point doesn’t seem to be repairable, not that I really think I still want to be friends after she took advantage of me this way; and
b) what is the best way to return her items but making sure I get paid back for them as I am no longer part of the wedding (the amount I’ve spent so far is $500.00+, which is quite a lot of money for me). She is demanding that I give the items back before I get any money back, but most of the items I still have are replaceable and not of much value. I also purchased her Bridal Shower gift when she bought her dress (a rather expensive beaded belt to wear for her wedding). Should I ask for her to reimburse me for this as well as I am not longer in the wedding party, let alone invited to the wedding?