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non-GIS question

AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
First Anniversary Combo Breaker 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Getting in Shape
I moved to a new city in August to live with my FI. I have a lot of trouble managing my time when I visit my old city. Typically, I only have Friday night-Sunday afternoon to visit.

I feel like I am spreading myself too thin and sometime I just want to spend an entire day with my best friend or mom and not have to set up big group dinners or run from place to place. Since I get to go home 1-2 times a month, I thought it would be ok to see different people on different visits. I just hate running from one place to another and not really giving anyone quality time (and if my FI comes it makes it more difficult because he wants to spend some time in NYC and not hang out with a bunch of family and girls every second he's there). 

So, the problem is if I don't see some of my friends, they get upset. I've tried just not mentioning I'm coming into town (I had the theory that you shouldn't reach out to people to tell them they are not invited) and they found out (ahhh social media). That didn't work and made them more upset. I've tried saying I was really booked up with wedding and family things, and that upset them, too.

I am going to my hometown next week and I am starting to get anxiety. I really want to spend an entire day with my best friend doing wedding stuff (she's into that, don't worry) and having a sleepover, one day with my brother and mom, and stop at my dad's on my way out on Sunday. 

How would you handle this? Am I a jerk for not wanting to make time for everyone every time I'm in town? 
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Re: non-GIS question

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    AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    Thanks, I'm seriously feeling sick about it right now. I spent all day trying to schedule out my weekend so I could see everyone, but I kept coming back to the fact that I wouldn't really get any quality time in if I tried to do it all. I didn't mention that everyone doesn't live near each other either. I also felt that if I asked people to meet for breakfast or to just stop by for a quick visit on my way to dinner that they would be offended. I honestly really miss the time just hanging out at home with my brother and mom in the house that I had when I lived in town, and the marathon shopping-dinner-sleepover-then get bagels at noon days with my best friend. I hate to say it but I'm just not as close to the other girls and if I knew they wouldn't be upset, I'd make plans with them every other or every third time. One of them is in my wedding so I feel extra obligated even though I feel like our friendship is not quite as close as when I asked her and before I moved away. I had no idea how moving away would change the way I viewed my friends.

    About social media...they found out that time because my mom wrote something about my visit. My best friend suggested that I just tell people not to post anything, but I'd hate to walk around telling everyone not to mention me on social media.
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    Lobsters25Lobsters25 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    You're not a jerk.  I went through something similar, and my friends all talked behind my back, but you know what, you're only one person!  
    They will come around eventually, and heck, my MOH even made a joke about losing her seat at the baseball games with me to him, and we all had a good laugh.  And if they don't, then who needs em?  It sounds like you have an awesome best friend and great fam, and that's what counts.

    And I'm adding in this movie quote from The Holiday, where the older guy reminded Kate Winslet's character that she should be the leading lady in her own life.  So if you'll be happy with your best friend and family, why would you let yourself spend your time any other way?
    Anniversary
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    GiaspoGiaspo member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    Hello, I moved to San Francisco for five years. The weekends home were so tough. Sometimes I traveled on business to NYC and didn't even tell my PARENTS. I agree with xcaly. It is great that you have friends that want to see you, but they need to understand that two days is really not a lot of time. Even now that I'm back in NJ, my friends and I give each other the OK to cancel if we need time alone or are too stressed out, too busy, etc. to meet up. You are not a jerk. You have to do what's best for you. Perhaps your friends can come see you one weekend in your new place.
    image
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    entropicbeautyentropicbeauty member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    Learn now that you can't please everyone.

    I'm in the same position, DH and I moved about 2.5 hours from our hometowns and we go back to visit about once a month. We try to fit as many people in as possible, but we can't bend over backwards to make sure we see everyone either. If a friend or family member who isn't normally available when we're in town has time, we make them our prority. If one of our friends who has been abroad is home visiting family, we make it a priority to see them etc.

    One way we've solved this problem is to stay with a family member (so we get to see them a little bit), and then we host a big game night that we invite everyone to. We do pretty good getting to see a lot of people this way.
    image
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