Argument over the Dollar Dance

katiebenes · January 2010

For those who clicked this not knowing what a dollar dance is:
The bride and groom stay on the dance floor while people pay a dollar or so to dance with them
Its a tradition in my area or nationality or something... it seems to be at every wedding I go to.

Unfortunately, my groom is from another state. he HATES the idea of this. I really want to do it. not only for the few extra bucks you get... for the laughter and tradition of it too. It also gives the photographer a chance to get better pictures of us dancing with people- no one else will be in the way

Is this something I should just give up on and say fine whatever we won't do it, or something I should dig my heels in on?

xafqt150x · January 2010

Talk to your fiance about it. Explain your views on what it means to you and find out why he's so afraid of it. He probably has a different perspective than the one you grew up with. Or maybe he has certain concerns about some of the guests being inappropriate. Also take in the fact of where the wedding is... If it's in your state where it's custom... go for it. If it's in his where it's not... maybe not...

AdeleDazeem · January 2010

This is a debatable subject around here. In some places around the country, dollar dances are common. In other places, they are not even spoken of. For example, if I even remotely suggested a dollar dance at my own wedding, I think my mother would die of embarassment. But, I would never want one and that is another topic all together. I've actually never seen a dollar dance at any wedding I've ever been to.

Please keep in mind your fiance's and his family's feelings on the subject as well as your own family's. Dollar Dances can come across gift grabby and your wedding is not a fund raising event. You shouldn't be looking to "make money" at your own wedding and typically guests shouldn't open their wallets at your event.

Regardless, know your social circle and respect how guests may see it.

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

This is debated around here pretty frequently. Most people feel that the tradition is pretty tacky, especially when youre guests aren't familiar with it.

Although your family may enjoy it, your FI's family is probably going to be really offended, since they aren't familiar with it. They'll just see you as asking for money. After they've already bought a gift and traveled to your wedding, asking for more money (even $1) isn't going to go over well. Offending them may cost you a lot more than the few bucks that you could get dancing.

Some couples in your situation have had luck with doing alternatives, like asking the guest to write a note and giving you that instead of cash or using play money.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

A lot of people see this as tacky because you are asking your guests for money. And I agree with Not - if your FI's family isn't familiar with it, they might be put-off by the whole thing.

trix1223 · January 2010

Why can't you have a "dance with the bride and groom" part of your reception without charging people money. If you really just want pictures of you and your FI dancing with guests, then do it. Why does cash have to be involved?

I find dollar dances to be in very poor taste. Although it was typically included in weddings of my DH's family, it wasn't in mine. My family would have been mortified, and we didn't have one.

Thankfully, the 2 of my 3 children who are now married also eschewed the dollar dance, which made their mom and dad very, very happy.

Pirata13 · January 2010

They are common in my area and I refuse to do one. My mom was the first of her generation to say no to it. If you really do want a photo op, then do what a PP suggested and do the dance and ask guests to write down a wish or whatnot.

FI has brought it up more than once and I keep saying NO. If he brings it up again, I'll tell him if HE wants to do it and everyone dances with HIM, then fine, go ahead. But I'll excuse myself for some fresh air. I have no desire to ask people for money when they have already spent time and money to get there and buy us a gift.

robandal · January 2010

Oh it's just a dance! I collected all the money at my sisters wedding and it gave me a chance to see almost everyone! And it's fun! Sure, you shouldn't look to "make money" at your reception-but come on, it's just a dance!

As long as you're okay with having a more fun, laid back reception I think it's fine. It give all the guys in your family to say hi and tell you how beautiful you are. My future sister in law did a money dance where she ran around the room and people shoved cash in her dress and in the grooms shirt, and it was hilarious! Her wedding was very casual-jeans were allowed. I wouldn't condone running around looking for money-but I think the dollar dance is cute. A good way to make some spending money for the honeymoon!

AdeleDazeem · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_argument-over-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a8a339e2-b4d7-4673-afee-fbdcae5de838Post:8c565b93-4779-4b22-b881-5f5337072fc1">Re: Argument over the Dollar Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]. My future sister in law did a money dance where she ran around the room and people shoved cash in her dress
Posted by robandal[/QUOTE]

Oh my god.

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_argument-over-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a8a339e2-b4d7-4673-afee-fbdcae5de838Post:8c565b93-4779-4b22-b881-5f5337072fc1">Re: Argument over the Dollar Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]My future sister in law did a money dance where she ran around the room and people shoved cash in her dress and in the grooms shirt,
Posted by robandal[/QUOTE]

There are no words.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_argument-over-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a8a339e2-b4d7-4673-afee-fbdcae5de838Post:8c565b93-4779-4b22-b881-5f5337072fc1">Re: Argument over the Dollar Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh it's just a dance! I collected all the money at my sisters wedding and it gave me a chance to see almost everyone! And it's fun! Sure, you shouldn't look to "make money" at your reception-but come on, it's just a dance! :) As long as you're okay with having a more fun, laid back reception I think it's fine. It give all the guys in your family to say hi and tell you how beautiful you are. My future sister in law did a money dance where she ran around the room and people shoved cash in her dress and in the grooms shirt, and it was hilarious! Her wedding was very casual-jeans were allowed. I wouldn't condone running around looking for money-but I think the dollar dance is cute. A good way to make some spending money for the honeymoon!
Posted by robandal[/QUOTE]

It is common in my culture (cajun) and FI's (romanian) but we will not be doing one because its tacky. My FMIL told me at her wedding the most embarrasing part was going around to the guests to beg for money and having all the old men shove bills down her top. It is an expected tradition in her culture and it still mortified her to have to do this. Of course, FFIL thought this was hilarious and cool and maybe that's why they are no longer married.

Most of the weddings I have been to have a dollar dance and the guests actually pin money on the bride and groom. They dont have to dance with them, they can pin and go. I expect it when I go to my friends' weddings at home, so I always bring some cash. Then again, most of those wedding have majority local people who have not had to travel, they are pretty informal, and the money given can be in seen as the gift.. so they aren't getting a boxed gift along with the cash. I think it is a leftover tradition from the age when B&G were first moving out on their own at the time of the wedding and there was no such thing as a registry or invitations in these rural places. The whole town came and they gave you cash as a gift.

I still don't want to do it, but I understand if its part of your culture.
If its not part of FI's culture then don't do it. Don't make him uncomfortable or embarrassed at his own wedding. And don't use your wedding as a fundraiser. If you can't afford to go on a honeymoon, then don't go.

duckie1905 · January 2010

I am not a fan of the dollar dance and even when "based" in tradition find them to be in poor taste.

Take into account that while your family may expect it, your FI's family may feel the way he does and be offended by the whole display.

Dance with your guests for free if they ask. I doubt anyone expecting it would be offended that it wasn't included.

marybear87 · January 2010

I figure I would offer up an extra opinion since there seem to be so many "No's". At every wedding I have been too, there was a dollar dance at the reception. It's not tacky or greedy- it's a moment to share with your nearest and dearest friends and family. And it isn't as if you are required to pay the dollar to dance. Again, I suppose it all comes down to who you are and what you and your guests are expecting of your reception. My family is huge but very close and very fun, so it is a tradition that has stuck around.

The thing is, make sure you talk to your fiance. If he is hell bent on not having the dance, there must be a reason behind it and you wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable on his big day!

And to robandal , I have seen the "stuffing of the shirt/dress" at weddings at well, and I do agree it makes for enjoyment, especially when your guests are laid back and have a sense of humor. After all, your guest are there to have a good time and make memories!!

MairePoppy · January 2010

This is his wedding too, please don't embarass him and risk offending your new in-laws with a dollar dance. Trust me, they will not be amused at your uncles stuffing dollars down your dress.

sarges05girl · January 2010

Honestly, we had a Bridal Dance (essentially the same thing, but more Polish/Czech in tradition: it's considered the last chance for the guests to get a dance with the bride--groom not involved), and it wasn't bad. Granted we probably would have been chased around town by a bunch of old Polish ladies shoving money at us if we hadn't done it (not exaggerating here). But I'm of the ilk that if it's not a tradtion or commonplace in your area and you're doing it to "make money," then please don't.

If it's not common where your FI comes from have a talk with him and tell him how important it is for you to have one, and if he still doesn't want to participate, just do a Bridal Dance where you dance with the guests.

And for those saying guests are required to pay money, they are not. Granted, my MOH stood at the front of the line and collected bills, but she in NO WAY refused anybody who didn't have any money. She said there were a few people who had never even heard of it before, but came up to dance with me. They didn't give any money and they still got to dance. Have whomever collects the money tell anyone who asks, "yeah, some people donate money to give the B&G a happy honeymoon, but it's not required."

And like a PP said: it's just a dance. Have fun with it.

alclover · January 2010

Huh, never knew this was such an issue. FI & I assumed we would be. Personally, I think it'll be a lot of fun. As a guest, these are the moments I remember - dancing with my cousin, my buddies, etc. Makes for a great snapshot and you can have a lot of fun with the songs. Maybe the dollar could go to a charity you both support?

AUTUMNINLOVE · January 2010

The dollar dance is not only traditional in our culture, it is expected and and one of the highlights! As a Latina, we lovingly support the newly married couple emotionally and financially on their special day. I understand how some people might not be comfortable or familiar with the tradition, so they probably shouldn't participate. But for many of us, it is all part of the fun! Remember, it's the "DOLLAR" dance, not the "break the bank" dance.

beccabrendle · January 2010

u could just do the bridal dance if he refuses to do it. i have a cousin who did it and she is a really shy person so it was so funny because she would blush every time someone wanted a dance and it was all in good fun. its u and ur husbands to be day so just have fun and if hes hinestly offended then he must not be to comfortable with everyone that is coming

hilljolley · January 2010

It seems like it was popular awhile back, but I haven't seen anyone do it in the last several years. So to me it seems like something either younger people do, or it's like a 90's fad. I do remember it being kind of fun for everyone to watch, but seemed really uncomfortable for the bride!

punkysad · January 2010

I did it 31 years ago at my wedding, because it was"the thing to do" at the time. When my daughter got married 5 years ago, she refused to do it and I was glad. Now my future DIL is planning on doing it. I won't say anything to her, but I wish she wouldn't do it. It just seems like asking for money to me.

squirrelly29 · January 2010

Tacky...would not participate if I went to a wedding and it was done. Its rude to ask for more money after they brought you a gift.

If its your culture, thats different, but if you just think its fun...NOPE.

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

If it's just about the dance, take the money out of the equation. Let the guests line up to dance with you without having to open their wallets, or give them an alternative of what they can give you (a message, fake money). Your family can still slip cash in there if they choose, but his family doesn't have to.

My stepsister did a dollar dance at her wedding, and that's the point where my siblings and I left to go see a movie, because we all felt really awkward about it. I never carry cash, especially when I'm in dress clothes, so regardless of the bride and groom's cultural connection to the dance, it's really awkward and uncomfortable for me as a guest.

beccabrendle · December 2010

just do whatever you like. our opinions shouldnt effect ur overall opinion that much. chances are u dont know any of the people messaging you. jusst have fun. its ur big day!!! just make a decision based on what would make u the happiest

trix1223 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_argument-over-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a8a339e2-b4d7-4673-afee-fbdcae5de838Post:b3b5700b-6286-4d22-ba36-21507ffee96c">Re: Argument over the Dollar Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I thank you all for your opinions, and I am glad to see where he could be coming from... even though a few people were rude about it. Can you please point out the posts that were "rude"? Because I just went back and re-read every single post, and there were many that said that a dollar dance was rude, but not a single one in which anyone WAS rude to you.

In my family; I've always seen it, I kinda thought it was an overall tradition. Chances are my family will still do it to me (even if we don't announce it; they still will according to my Mom) We stopped that by telling our band that we were not, under any circumstances having a dollar dance, and if anyone made any announcements that were not cleared with us first, the band wouldn't be paid. So not a single person grabbed the mic and started a cash grab (er...dollar dance) at our wedding.

I don't want him to be offended or his family, and most of you seem to see that side- but most of you don't seem to care if my family would be offended if I broke their tradition... which is kinda upsetting to me. Your family might miss not having to pay money to dance with you. They wouldn't actually be OFFENDED by it, because they CAN dance with you, just not for money. On the other hand, your FI has said that he is opposed to it, and that his family WOULD be offended because it's in poor taste. There's a huge difference here. If it offends half your guests, then it shouldn't be done.
Posted by katiebenes[/QUOTE]

Argument over the Dollar Dance

Re: Argument over the Dollar Dance

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