flower girl drama

dpackett · April 2013

who typically picks out the flower girl dresses, the bride? or the parents of the flower girl?

TKzilla · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:907e31f9-dad5-48b2-94d0-18ae3c51d028Post:17e876ea-ae49-417d-bbc0-6c01a2e0e929">flower girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]my soon to be husband is overseas working abroad and I am planning the wedding by myself. His neice, wich I have never met is our flower girl. I have not met his family and have attempted to let them in on my style for the wedding. The mother of the little girl said that no object for money for the dress. I sent her a dress that was reasonably priced (100$) and that fit my style for the wedding, Simple, classic, child like. Within an hour of seing the picture on line she said that the girl did not like it and that she would then send me other pictures. She has sent me pictures of other dresses that I do not care for. I was astonished that she would just assume that she could pick the dress out without considering what I am doing with the wedding. I am attempting to make nice with new family dynamics, but I found this to be out of line for her to imply that the dress I chose was not up to a 5 year old standards. my soon to be husband feels that I am blowing it out of proportion and that it is "just a dress". Has anyone heard of such a thing. Isn't there some etiquete reference on who chooses the dress
Posted by dpackett[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It IS just a dress.</div><div>
</div><div>Those who pay get the say.</div><div>
</div><div>$100 is a lot for a dress the kid will wear MAYBE once, and grow out of in a year or so.</div><div>
</div><div>Find some common ground.</div><div>
</div><div>Feel free to post the picture of the dress you chose :)

</div>

loca4pook · April 2013

The mother should definitely have a say in the dress her child wears...though hopefully you would like it too

LDubHawksFan · April 2013

Goodness! What is with all of these unreasonable WP posts! $100 is a lot to spend as a BM, and that is something they maybe could wear again because they aren't going to grow out of it like the FG will. Seriously, start by asking her mom what her budget is. Then send her some options, but really open you mind to what a FG dress needs to look like. Ours was an Easter dress from JCP and adorable.....and $18. Don't start off on the wrong foot with family that you don't know by forcing an expensive dress on the mother of the FG.

mlg78 · April 2013

I think flower girls are a little different than, say, a bridesmaid... I'd love to see the dress you chose and the ones she suggested. The ladies on this board love to try to find alternative options...

beachbum7212 · April 2013

You've already been quoted, so there's no use in editing your OP to not sound like a crazy pants. It's just a dress. Sure you have a say but this little girls mother deserves a say as well, she is paying for it after all... I'm sure if you two get together over a few options you'll find one you both agree on.

melb2013 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:907e31f9-dad5-48b2-94d0-18ae3c51d028Post:47641ace-255f-437f-a32a-a5b91d706a2e">Re: flower girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I think flower girls are a little different than, say, a bridesmaid... I'd love to see the dress you chose and the ones she suggested. The ladies on this board love to try to find alternative options...
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]<div>Yes to the above.</div><div>
</div><div>We found a dress that was about $100 that we all loved, but I felt horrible making the parents buy a dress that the little girl would only wear probably once, so I paid for it. I wanted her to be all dressed up like a doll in a dress she loved.

</div>

melb2013 · April 2013

OHH okay, just say what OP originally posted. It IS just a dress. If the little girl doesn't like it, don't buy it. You could just tell them your wedding colors and let them pick a dress if they want to buy it. I'll also add this- every bride I know has paid for their FG's dress. If you want what you want, then you should buy it- however, be nice and make sure the little girl likes the dress.

dpackett · April 2013

first time using the site. did not want to put too mch information out there, just assistance on what was proper etiquette. as far as money goes- this was not my chose and I have honored everyone's request.

dpackett · April 2013

I have no problem paying for the dress myself. I want her to be happy and match the service

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

If someone told me to blow 100 on a dress my kid will outgrow in less than a year, in order for that person to have photos 'just so' with my kid as a prop, I'd raise all sorts of eyebrows at the 'request'.

If they got uppity with me after I politely offered alternatives and trying to work with them, I'd just take my kid off that crazytrain.

AddieCake · April 2013

I think $100 is too much to expect parents to pay for a little girl's one-time-use dress. My bridesmaids' dresses were only $60, AND they can wear them again. ETA: Also keep in mind that if the little girl doesn't like the dress, she is going to pitch a fit in it and not walk down the aisle, most likely.

Kate61487 · April 2013

It should be a joint decision. If she'd gone out and bought a dress without consulting you i'd totally agree she was out of line, but emailing suggestions is likely just her trying to be helpful. Try to objectively see the difference in what you sent and what she sent and find a middle ground.

mlg78 · April 2013

I'm not having a FG or RB so I wasn't sure on pricing... but JCPenney has lovely FG dresses for $36 and under...even Davids Bridal has some for under $60 that are adorable. And with it being first communion season I'm sure a good deal can be grabbed somewhere. I would strongly rethink this $100 dress. As Addie mentioned, many bridesmaids don't even pay that much.

MuppetFan · April 2013

It's a dress a 5 year old is going to wear for a few hours. I found an Ivory Easter dress on sale for $20, sent a photo to the mother, she said cool and I bought it and gave it to her. When the little one tried it on, she started crying because it wasn't pink. She will get over it. I'm thinkin that's not the real reason.

I wonder if they were expecting a much cheaper dress when they said money is no object? How much arresses they are suggesting?

Viczaesar · April 2013

1. Minors' attire is under the purview of their parents.
2. All wedding party members decide what their own budget is for clothing.

SB1512 · April 2013

I think you just need to roll with what the FG wants to wear. For example, my BM's are wearing horizon blue dresses from david's bridal. FI was a little late to the game and just asked his sister if her daughter would like to be our FG over the weekend. FSIL had already bought her daughter a dress to wear as a guest, it's a light purple, her favorite color. FSIL said she would buy her a different dress if I wanted, but purple is this little girl's favorite color and she will not be happy if she cannot wear a purple dress. I could care less that she won't match the BM's, or even coordinate, I just want her to be happy enough to hopefully walk to down the aisle.

swimmy1988 · April 2013

You're supposed to consult with the mother of the child.
I had sent photos of possible dresses to my FSIL for the FG dresses. But we ended up going shopping together with her daughter. She asked which colour I preferred and then we set out to find a dress in that colour. We ended up finding a dress together and getting the FG to try it on, she was in love, and it was within my FSIL's budget, so she bought it for her.

This is a situation that be worked on easily with a little collaboration between you and your FSIL and future niece. KWIM?

Fancypantsamy · April 2013

I found a dress for $15 at TJMaxx for my flower girl. I bought it right then because it was so cheap and exactly matched my accent color, and I figured FG could just have it for her dress up box if mom didn't want her to wear it to the wedding and I was back to the drawing board. Luckily, FG's mom thought it was great.

winelover123 · April 2013

I'd just tell the mom what color dress she should get and to shoot you a picture before she buys. It's just easier. The FG will be in the wedding for all of 5 minutes and you'll get a few picture of her in with the entire WP. It's not a hill to die on.

TheBaysideBride · April 2013

this:
I'd just tell the mom what color dress she should get and to shoot you a picture before she buys. It's just easier. The FG will be in the wedding for all of 5 minutes and you'll get a few picture of her in with the entire WP. It's not a hill to die on.

NYCBride2013 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:907e31f9-dad5-48b2-94d0-18ae3c51d028Post:ca0b94b1-849e-4812-8d2d-7875120a7d78">Re: flower girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]this: I'd just tell the mom what color dress she should get and to shoot you a picture before she buys. It's just easier. The FG will be in the wedding for all of 5 minutes and you'll get a few picture of her in with the entire WP. It's not a hill to die on.
Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Additionally, I don't necessarily think that a flower girl dress of $100 is too much. I know flower girl dresses that were well over $200 and the parents didn't bat an eye. If the parents said money was no object, I would actually think a $100 dress was very reasonable.

Butterfly898 · April 2013

With my wedding - I let the mom of the flower girl choose the dress. She chose the store, the dress, the price - everything except the flowers themselves. The mom knows what material her daughter won't be itchy wearing, the mom can try the dress on the girl, and the mom will pay for it. Most importantly, the mom know whether or not she feels the dress is appropriate for the child.
If you dont feel comfortable giving up total control of the flower girl's dress, go to the store with the mom and the girl.

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