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WR: Gift question

What, a WR question from an OMH?

So BFF is getting married in a few months. Between BM dress and a bachelorette weekend, I'll have paid close to $500. There's now a shower in May (MOH has not kept the other BM or I in the loop, so I have no freaking clue what's going on).

Anyway, none of my other friends (nor me) has had a bridal shower. We all just had b-parties and weddings. Am I expected to get her two gifts? See, I don't like showers because they lead to questions like this. Can I get her a shower gift and just give her a card at the wedding?

Re: WR: Gift question

  • In Response to WR: Gift question:
    Anyway, none of my other friends (nor me) has had a bridal shower. We all just had b-parties and weddings. Am I expected to get her two gifts? See, I don't like showers because they lead to questions like this. Can I get her a shower gift and just give her a card at the wedding?
    Posted by leia1979
    Yes... after my shower, I didn't want my BMs giving me anything. They each did get us wedding gifts, but I would have been perfectly happy with just a card.
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  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to WR: Gift question : Yes... after my shower, I didn't want my BMs giving me anything. They each did get us wedding gifts, but I would have been perfectly happy with just a card.
    Posted by cu97tiger
    Your BMs obviously aren't cheap bastards like I am!  =)
  • My BMs got me shower gifts and did cards at the wedding.  My MOH got me a separate wedding gift which was really unexpected but I'm not going to like...send back the toaster oven haha.  I think you're fine Smile
    Anniversary
  • I would assume this might be a question for the Etiquette board.  However, in my opinion, though, you need to give her a shower gift and a wedding gift.  They don't both have to be expensive (I'd say the shower gift could just be something inexpensive off of the registry and the wedding gift could be the "real" gift), but I'd feel uncomfortable handing someone just a card for either event.  In most of my experiences, the bridal party has chipped in together for a larger shower gift.

    Do whatever you're comfortable with and can afford, though.  I was just raised in the school of thought that you don't go anywhere empty handed--not even to someone's house for coffee, nevermind a wedding or shower.
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  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    I would assume this might be a question for the Etiquette board.  However, in my opinion, though, you need to give her a shower gift and a wedding gift.  They don't both have to be expensive (I'd say the shower gift could just be something inexpensive off of the registry and the wedding gift could be the "real" gift), but I'd feel uncomfortable handing someone just a card for either event.  In most of my experiences, the bridal party has chipped in together for a larger shower gift. Do whatever you're comfortable with and can afford, though.  I was just raised in the school of thought that you don't go anywhere  empty handed--not even to someone's house for coffee, nevermind a wedding or shower.
    Posted by Belle2188
    Which is why, I'm guessing, she would give the bride and groom a card. Gifts shouldn't be expected.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
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    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    I would assume this might be a question for the Etiquette board.  However, in my opinion, though, you need to give her a shower gift and a wedding gift.  They don't both have to be expensive (I'd say the shower gift could just be something inexpensive off of the registry and the wedding gift could be the "real" gift), but I'd feel uncomfortable handing someone just a card for either event.  In most of my experiences, the bridal party has chipped in together for a larger shower gift. Do whatever you're comfortable with and can afford, though.  I was just raised in the school of thought that you don't go anywhere  empty handed--not even to someone's house for coffee, nevermind a wedding or shower.
    Posted by Belle2188
    So if you send a gift before the wedding, do you have to take one to the wedding as well?
    I french with my man
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  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question : Which is why, I'm guessing, she would give the bride and groom a card. Gifts shouldn't be expected.
    Posted by cu97tiger
    Tiger is wise.
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited April 2013
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    I would assume this might be a question for the Etiquette board.  However, in my opinion, though, you need to give her a shower gift and a wedding gift.  They don't both have to be expensive (I'd say the shower gift could just be something inexpensive off of the registry and the wedding gift could be the "real" gift), but I'd feel uncomfortable handing someone just a card for either event.  In most of my experiences, the bridal party has chipped in together for a larger shower gift. Do whatever you're comfortable with and can afford, though.  I was just raised in the school of thought that you don't go anywhere  empty handed--not even to someone's house for coffee, nevermind a wedding or shower.
    Posted by Belle2188
    But Leia smells pretty, so we keep her around. And she looks HAWT in a gold bikini.

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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    I would assume this might be a question for the Etiquette board.  However, in my opinion, though, you need to give her a shower gift and a wedding gift.  They don't both have to be expensive (I'd say the shower gift could just be something inexpensive off of the registry and the wedding gift could be the "real" gift), but I'd feel uncomfortable handing someone just a card for either event.  In most of my experiences, the bridal party has chipped in together for a larger shower gift. Do whatever you're comfortable with and can afford, though.  I was just raised in the school of thought that you don't go anywhere  empty handed--not even to someone's house for coffee, nevermind a wedding or shower.
    Posted by Belle2188
    I'm asking NEY because these are my friends. Sure, it could go on E, but wouldn't you rather ask friends than strangers?

    Mostly we give money in red envelopes, not physical gifts. I could split it over two events, but that seems weird.
  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question : Which is why, I'm guessing, she would give the bride and groom a card. Gifts shouldn't be expected.
    Posted by cu97tiger
    I agree--they shouldn't be expected, but I would just never go to a wedding or shower without one, even with a card.  Again, this is just my opinion based upon what I feel comfortable doing myself.  I would never insist upon or expect a gift at my own wedding, but quite honestly I've never been involved in a wedding where the bridal party didn't give gifts for both events.  A lot of times things are different in different locations and with different groups of people, and I have a strong feeling that my experiences in this regard have a lot to do with my family's background and where I grew up.  OP can feel free to disregard my opinions if she doesn't agree.
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  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question : I'm asking NEY because these are my friends. Sure, it could go on E, but wouldn't you rather ask friends than strangers? Mostly we give money in red envelopes, not physical gifts. I could split it over two events, but that seems weird.
    Posted by leia1979
    I meant no disrespect by suggesting the Etiquette board, I just meant they might have more insight than someone like me would (clearly this may be true since my opinion differs so much from everyone else's!).  You should do whatever you're comfortable with and if you're concerned, maybe just talk it over with the other bridesmaids and see how they plan to handle things.
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  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question : I meant no disrespect by suggesting the Etiquette board, I just meant they might have more insight than someone like me would (clearly this may be true since my opinion differs so much from everyone else's!).  You should do whatever you're comfortable with and if you're concerned, maybe just talk it over with the other bridesmaids and see how they plan to handle things.
    Posted by Belle2188
    Nah, some of these b!tches be cray.
    --------------------------------------------------------------


     
    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question : Nah, some of these b!tches be cray.
    Posted by audrewuh
    Haha, Aud knows a little more backstory. Yes, one be cray. I'll probably ask the other one, though.
  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    In Response to Re: WR: Gift question : Haha, Aud knows a little more backstory. Yes, one be cray. I'll probably ask the other one, though.
    Posted by leia1979
    Ha, that happens!  Then yes, just chat with the sane BM and leave the craycray out of it.

    Another thing I'd suggest if you can't decide what to do is possibly making something personal/special (like a photo collage or scrapbook) to give to her at the shower, and then just give her the envelope at the wedding.  Since half of a shower is opening and showing off gifts, it might be nice to give her something you put thought into.  That way, you're showing that you're thinking of her, but you don't have to break the bank on another gift.
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  • edited April 2013
    All of the bridal parties that I have been a part of have had showers.  I've given a gift at the shower and a cash gift at the wedding.

    ETA: I would never expect this in return though.

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  • If you don't want to/can't afford to one gift is fine.  I think my BMs all got me something but then again I had $5 stuff on my registry. 

     

    I would probably bring a card and not worry about it :)  I might include a recipe if she likes to cook. 

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • If you can't afford to get her something else, don't. You're already shelling out a lot and if you can only afford one gift, give it at the shower.
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  • When I was my sister's MOH, I bought her 5 gifts.  Yes, 5.  One for each of her 3 showers, one for the bachelorette party, and a wedding gift.  I also threw one of the showers at my house.  The dresses we bought were $220 and I needed $40 in alterations on mine because I was losing baby weight and the chick at the bridal shop refused to let me order my normal size.  I probably spent over $1000 all told, but she's my sister and I love her and if I had to do it all over again, I'd do the very same things. 

    However, I would not expect anyone to do that for me.  Everyone knows that it's expensive to be in the bridal party, and everyone has their own budget.  Decide what you can afford to spend over all, and divide that number between the shower and the wedding gift, however you deem fit.  She's honored to have you standing by her side on her big day, which is the real gift, after all. 
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  • around here, if a gift is given at the shower, there's not a gift at the wedding.  however, I did attend 2 or 3 showers for a friend that I was a BM for and did bring something small to 2 showers, and then my real gift to the bigger shower.

    does that even make sense?
  • In Response to Re: WR: Gift question:
    around here, if a gift is given at the shower, there's not a gift at the wedding.  however, I did attend 2 or 3 showers for a friend that I was a BM for and did bring something small to 2 showers, and then my real gift to the bigger shower. does that even make sense?
    Posted by CocoBellaF
    Three showers? Wow, I thought one was more than enough! I think this is really going to be for friends who couldn't travel for the bachelorette party plus the MOB's friends.
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