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fi spending too much money

jenifercharlesjenifercharles
First Comment First Anniversary
in September 2013 Weddings
I'm so ready to get to the point where i have things paid off. FI and I are paying for everything by ourselves. FI has gone way off budget going out to eat everyday last week. He always says he got it he knows what he's doing but when I ask him how much he saved or does he want to go pay on something he never has any money. This is working on my nerves I have been paying and paying on things but he hasn't. I don't want his mom to have to pay for his part of the wedding because then they would turn it around on me saying I'm sending his money that's why he never has any. ahhhhhh he needs to get on the ball the wedding is almost here. I want to be finished paying with everything by July but he still has like 7500 left to pay on things and doesn't have anything saved.
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Re: fi spending too much money

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    zantsterzantster member
    First Comment First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Whoa. I am so sorry that you are going through this. There are a lot of areas that you definitely have a right to be concerned about.    Money issues can be a huge problem for couples so first things first, it sounds like you two need to sit down with a financial counselor and figure out how you will be paying for things now and as husband and wife.  You may also need to sit down with a premarital counselor perhaps at your church.  Me and FH have a pre-marital seminar scheduled for April.

    If your FI is responsible for paying $7500 for wedding related expenses and has nothing saved, what is your backup plan in case he needs to be bailed out?  Will your credit be affected?  Has his mom actually offered to help?  If not, how sure can you be that she will pitch in if he doesn't keep up his end of the bargain?  Most wedding expenses are due 2 weeks before the wedding day.  So what happens if your vendors refuse to show up because he hasn't paid?  And you definitely don't want to regret sharing financial details with your FILS if they are the type to always take his side no matter what. 

    Since you are both adults and neither of you can make the other one do something no matter how frustrating it may be, you will have to get the answers to these questions ASAP and protect your own financial well being no matter what.  You're not married yet and neither am I so you still have to put your own best interests first.  These last 5 months will fly by for all of us so don't put it off.  Keep us updated and you can feel free to PM me if you'd like.  Just let me know if you do otherwise I wont' know. 
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    APDSS22APDSS22 member
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    I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with my FI as well.  Mostly, he just hadn't gathered what everything would be costing us so I gave him some particular items that I needed him to pay for, what they cost and gave him a time I needed the money by.  I have control of most of our wedding budget, thank goodness, but I still needed input from him.  Giving him specific, tangible things to pay for by a certain deadline definitely helped him out.  I don't know if that's your FI's problem, but it might be something you speak to him about.
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    BostonGIrl4732BostonGIrl4732 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Mine was the same way.  I lost it on him a few weeks ago (I'm not proud of that) and he finally told me that he has money in savings that he can dip into.  Like enough that he could in theory pay for the entire wedding himself.  I had no clue.  Actually, after we had that talk we agreed that I might try to pay for a bit more out of my paycheck so we don't have to touch his savings, which would allow us to buy a house a year sooner than we thought.  So...  Sit down and have an honest discussion about it.  My FI held a few things back because he wanted to surprise me.  I don't want to be suprised with our finances, but he needed to realize this.  Good luck!
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    sweetdreamz6700sweetdreamz6700 member
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    my FI was the same way. Still kinda isEmbarassed  But he's getting a bit more together. He's the kind that can't seem to save but can pull off side work to make things happen. He had his eye opening moment last night when he realized we needed $5k to be comfortable. Sometimes they just don't see the big picture.
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    AmandaJoy7686AmandaJoy7686 member
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    I feel your pain! The FI and I have not made a payment to the hall since January and we're just now making a payment for March. We're still way below where we want to be and now his money pit of a Tonka style truck constantly needs something added to it or fixed on it. He owes taxes to the IRS and we've been going out to eat more than just grocery shopping. I on the other hand, am working pay check to pay check with little wiggle room to really get into purchasing the wedding accessories. He's a lot better than he was and he's actually more into the planning than ever but I still need to push him and say HEY WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING IN THIS MONTH?!?!?! Hahaha I thank God everyday that my parents are willing to put more and more in financially. We couldn't really go on without their support.
     
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    DMoore421DMoore421 member
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    A sit down will be happening very soon with FI. I know I like to go out and it is in my budget and I can still pay the things I need to but FI doesn't look at what he is spending and what we still have to pay mostly because I have it in MY head... I know and don't tell him but a sit down and cover everything that is coming up will happen soon.
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    CALEOCALEO member
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    Personally, after getting engaged we sat down and had the money talk.  We made a budget together.  We combined finances completely but I know that is not for everyone.

    If we hadn't we would have both contributed X amount to the household (wedding, rent whatever) from each paycheck.

    I think it's really easy to overspend when you don't have a goal.

    Instead of saying "what are you putting in this month" could you guys sit down and decide ahead of time how much he will contribute each month?
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    AmandaJoy7686AmandaJoy7686 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_fi-spending-too-much-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:b475a604-deed-434c-992f-40358fc4726cPost:c8cdd8f4-186e-46f8-ab96-44468acf8087">Re: fi spending too much money</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, after getting engaged we sat down and had the money talk.  We made a budget together.  We combined finances completely but I know that is not for everyone. If we hadn't we would have both contributed X amount to the household (wedding, rent whatever) from each paycheck. I think it's really easy to overspend when you don't have a goal. Instead of saying "what are you putting in this month" could you guys sit down and decide ahead of time how much he will contribute each month?
    Posted by CALEO[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like a great idea. I just hope it's not too late being so soon. I also hope that he can be understanding about it. He's already upset that I have too many bills and that I haven't sticking to my alotted amount per month. We wil definitely try that.
     
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    MoxieMickieMoxieMickie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    You might find it helpful to get advice from the women on the Money Matters board now on GBCN Proboardscan't link from my phone but it's googleable. Many of them have been in a similar situation of financial disconnect with their husbands, do they usually have great advice.
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