Too many options

ashleybrummett · August 2012

I have been pretty proud of myself about not getting to stressed! Well my dad and I have been getting into it because he is telling me I need to do this and that and I am like this is my wedding! Well I had enough of it and we got into it last night. The whole argument was I am registering at bed bath and beyong and target well he told me no that I needed to register at wal mart because my fiance's family and alot of people we invited to the wedding don't have a target and bed bath and beyond where they live. My argument was they can buy online and have it shiped with not charge. He argued and I got feed up said some stuff like wal mart is cheap it doesn't have that nice of stuff! I got so mad because I don't like people telling me what I should when its my wedding so I finally told him this is where I am registering this is my wedding and thats what I want to do ! Was I out of line? What would you do in this situation??

Ashleigh828 · August 2012

While Wal-Mart isn't my first choice for a registry, I see the point your dad is trying to make. I know that you can order online from BB&B and Target and ship it but some people really like going to the store and picking out the gift. If the majority of your guests are given "online only" registries, be prepared to receive things that are not on your registry. It's something about the trip to the store and the actual purchasing that makes people feel good about their gift. If you are OK to receive non-registry items, then keep the BB&B and Target.

In an attempt to rectify the situation, I would talk to your Dad and let him know that you value his opinion, have thought about it, and while you will still have the BB&B and Target registries, you will also build a small Wal-Mart registry. I think it's a nice compromise. There are things at WM that you can register for (blenders, vaccuums). If you don't want to put towels, sheets, etc on there, then don't. But at least give guests the option of "off-line" ordering.

Hope this was helpful.

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Too many options:[QUOTE]I don't know, I think it should be up to the bride and groom where to register.nbsp; Although I will say I have heard bad thing about Target's registry.nbsp; OP, maybe you could to BBB and Macy's instead? Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I worked at Target before, and agree they have a bad registry system. They change stock every few weeks so if a couple registers months before the wedding there's a good chance the only items left to actually purchase from the registry are towels and sheets, which rarely change stock. Just a side note that registering there would limit gift options even more.

annieoldfield · August 2012

Is there a way to know a persons registry in store?

If not, even if you registered at walmart, the only store accessible to most of the family, what difference does that make?

Who would look at the online walmart registry, to then go to the store and buy it?

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

It sounds like you're reacting to your dad like you're 12 years old. You have an opinion, he disagrees, you get insulted, and the whole thing devolves into name-calling and foot-stomping. Break the cycle. Start responding to him the way an adult would respond to another adult. Example:

You: So, we're registering at BBB and Target.

Dad: You should really register at Wal-Mart, more people live near there, it's much more convenient.

You: Thanks for your thoughts Dad, but FI and I are sticking with our decision.

Dad: But you should register at Wal-Mart!

You: Thanks for your thoughts. Did you see Michael Phelps swim last night?

Dad: Wal-Mart Blargh Argh Blah blah blah.

You: It was crazy how that other guy came from way behind to beat Phelps, wasn't it?

And so on. Arguments only happen when BOTH people engage in the argument. Don't engage. It's that simple.

ashleybrummett · August 2012

First of all it was not a tantrum! He has been really rude about anything going on with the wedding and telling me that I am going to register at wal mart instead of suggesting it, is totally different! I was not critizing anyone that registered at wal mart for one I shop at wal mart all the time its just not my first choice to register there! Also if anyone should apologize it should be him because of how he has acted towards my wedding! He is the type of person that "thinks" he know it all! I have just had enough of his negativety towards my wedding! My brother got married this past December and he was the total opposite towards his wedding! It just blows my mind how he is acting thats all!

ashleybrummett · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:bec97592-0bad-40db-9966-51b6dd1f7c0f">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : If he has an opinion about *everything* when it comes to the wedding, can you just stop talking to him about stuff that he doesn't need to know? Is he helping to pay for the wedding?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

He asked about the registering. After the shity comments he has made about the wedding to my sister and I, I am not going to discuss it anymore with him! He is paying but my fiance and I will pay haft as well!

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:93eb1251-76cb-43cd-b100-bea4f5b595fa">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all it was not a tantrum! He has been really rude about anything going on with the wedding and telling me that I am going to register at wal mart instead of suggesting it, is totally different! I was not critizing anyone that registered at wal mart for one I shop at wal mart all the time its just not my first choice to register there! Also if anyone should apologize it should be him because of how he has acted towards my wedding! He is the type of person that "thinks" he know it all! I have just had enough of his negativety towards my wedding! My brother got married this past December and he was the total opposite towards his wedding! It just blows my mind how he is acting thats all!
Posted by ashleybrummett[/QUOTE]

<div>This? Right here? Is why you're having arguments with your father.</div><div>
</div><div>Here's the thing - are you right? Yeah, probably. Is your dad being a know-it-all pain in your ass? Obviously. But has arguing with him and trying to get him to admit that he's wrong and you're right gotten you anywhere other than aggravated and acting like a teenager? No, no it hasn't. So stop arguing. Seriously. Let it go. Change the subject when he brings up your wedding, yes him to death when he gets bossy, and then just quietly, without a fuss, do whatever you want anyway. </div><div>
</div><div>Or, keep fighting with him in the hopes that he magically gets a personality transplant overnight. Whichever.</div>

BostonGIrl4732 · August 2012

I've had similar issues where my dad likes to tell me what's going to happen. He's paying for the reception but FI and I are paying for everything else (which adds up to just over half the cost so it's not like my dad is footing nearly the whole bill).

I've stopped telling him anything that has to do with anything other than the reception (as in the food or venue). If he asks, I tell him we've got it covered with a smile and bean dip him. It took some practice after I was told which hotel we'd be staying at (my parents can stay wherever they want, FI and I will stay where we'd like to) and where we'd be having our after-party (something we are paying for).

It helped me to realize that for my dad, it's a control thing. I'm getting married, my decision. He loves my FI, but I'm still moving out and growing up. It's hard for my dad to take. His response is to try to control the situation. It's not working so well for him, but I've come to acceptthat's how he handles things and I've adjusted my own behavior to save myself the heartache.

ashleybrummett · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:c33c7af0-599c-473c-ba35-9d90663b8167">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had similar issues where my dad likes to tell me what's going to happen. He's paying for the reception but FI and I are paying for everything else (which adds up to just over half the cost so it's not like my dad is footing nearly the whole bill). I've stopped telling him anything that has to do with anything other than the reception (as in the food or venue). If he asks, I tell him we've got it covered with a smile and bean dip him. It took some practice after I was told which hotel we'd be staying at (my parents can stay wherever they want, FI and I will stay where we'd like to) and where we'd be having our after-party (something we are paying for). It helped me to realize that for my dad, it's a control thing. I'm getting married, my decision. He loves my FI, but I'm still moving out and growing up. It's hard for my dad to take. His response is to try to control the situation. It's not working so well for him, but I've come to acceptthat's how he handles things and I've adjusted my own behavior to save myself the heartache.
Posted by BostonGIrl4732[/QUOTE]

Thats a good idea! Next time he ask I will definetly tell him from now on we have it covered so I want get upset! It will definetly save time and energy! Thanks for understanding, some people that posted were not so understanding and rude! Thanks for the advice! It definitely makes sense what you said about your dad being controlling! My dad came from a controlling mother and I beat thats what he is trying to do to! I think my dad feels that with my brothers wedding he didn't have much controll but with my wedding he is trying to take controll which it really isn't working out for him! Thanks again!

ashleybrummett · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:ac87b29b-caf8-4b2f-a242-610141ea9fb3">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : The people who were "rude" can only go on what you tell them. I don't think it's their fault they interpreted your conversation with your dad as a temper tantrum.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

ok you weren't there wasn't a temper tantrum! I am alot more grow up then that! You oviously didn't understand the situation! So really don't need your input anymore I am done with you thanks

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:9d178814-e2b3-4440-895f-ba85e4694a25">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : ok you weren't there wasn't a temper tantrum! <strong>I am alot more grow up then that! </strong>You oviously didn't understand the situation! So really don't need your input anymore I am done with you thanks
Posted by ashleybrummett[/QUOTE]

<div>Your constant need to prove yourself right instead of considering that multiple people saying the same thing might have a valid point demonstrates EXACTLY how grown-up you are, sweetheart.</div>

rsanna · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:9d178814-e2b3-4440-895f-ba85e4694a25">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : ok you weren't there wasn't a temper tantrum! I am alot more grow up then that! You oviously didn't understand the situation! So really don't need your input anymore I am done with you thanks
Posted by ashleybrummett[/QUOTE]

Adults don't end every sentence with an exclamation point. And she never said it was a temper tantrum, just that your initial description made people interpret it as such.

Also, it is <strong>a lot</strong> not alot. Alot is a big furry creature. See. (<a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html" title="clicky" rel="nofollow">clicky</a>)

kroot87 · August 2012

OP, just taking a shot in the dark here.. did you get engaged at prom?

ashleybrummett · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:595cbdb3-a2ec-4584-a8b2-9e9db6401dbf">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : Your constant need to prove yourself right instead of considering that multiple people saying the same thing might have a valid point demonstrates EXACTLY how grown-up you are, sweetheart.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

I don't have a constant need of proving myself right! If you know me, I don't care if im right or wrong! In fact I am wrong 90 percent of the time! Mind you own business for one that post had nothing to do with you! Don't need you input anymore either!

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:9805cf1c-db93-4163-b1b7-848e82dae32d">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : I don't have a constant need of proving myself right! If you know me, I don't care if im right or wrong! <strong>In fact I am wrong 90 percent of the time! </strong>Mind you own business for one that post had nothing to do with you! Don't need you input anymore either!
Posted by ashleybrummett[/QUOTE]

<div>At least we agree on something.</div><div>
</div>

rsanna · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:102c8f56-8615-47f8-8f62-6a80e1c8ef57">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, the excessive use of exclamation points does have me wondering if this was a foot-stomping temper tantrum and not a rational conversation.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:102c8f56-8615-47f8-8f62-6a80e1c8ef57">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, the excessive use of exclamation points does have me wondering if this was a foot-stomping temper tantrum and not a rational conversation.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>Edie, by her own admission, the conversation somehow went from "I think you should register at Wal-Mart" to "Wal-Mart is cheap and disgusting!!!!!!" I don't know how you have that conversation WITHOUT foot-stomping being involved.</div>

kroot87 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:9805cf1c-db93-4163-b1b7-848e82dae32d">Re: Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many options : I don't have a constant need of proving myself right! If you know me, I don't care if im right or wrong! In fact I am wrong 90 percent of the time! Mind you own business for one that post had nothing to do with you! Don't need you input anymore either!
Posted by ashleybrummett[/QUOTE]

Well, your extraneous use of exclamation points is certainly wrong 90% of the time.

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

On a totally unrelated topic, kroot you're so pretty! (I've been posting from my phone a lot lately and this is the first time I've seen your sig pic.)

kroot87 · August 2012

Thanks Steph!

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-many-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:157e21bd-47dd-4e0d-9b1c-6762dab27488Post:8f9e46f1-cfe0-411b-9480-8213aecacbe0">Re:Too many options</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Too many options: I am done with you? I'm picturing a hair flip and a sneer. Who actually tells someone that? It's clear to me why you and <strong>EVERYONE</strong> don't communicate well.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

<div>FTFY.</div><div>
</div><div>Wait, that should be FTFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div>

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

On the one hand, I'm hoping OP goes thermonuclear because I want Edie to get a chance to test out her new mod powers.

On the other hand, I have to leave for a doctor's appointment about my awesome double ear infection, so I'm hoping it doesn't happen, because I'll be bummed I missed the fireworks.

ETA: Too slow. Although I'm not clear on what OP did to warrant bannination.

Too many options

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