Not Excited about Wedding Planning

hkinsley · April 2013

So I've done all the big planning stuff (venue, photographer, DJ) but I am just in a wedding planning rut. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get married and I love my FH! I almost feel like I'm out of excitement. Between building a house and moving in this fall, planning on trying for a baby right after marriage, its like my daily available excitement has been depleted.

Anyone else go through this?

KnotIrene · April 2013

You have a lot on your plate. Take a break and enjoy the weather--then do something fun like go taste cakes!!

hkinsley · April 2013

A "Chore" that's it! I'm not even looking forward to dress shopping. Maybe I will take a break and hope that I don't find this entire process to be a chore! I just have no desire to pick exactly what shade of purple I want my flowers, what I'm doing for centerpieces, what is going to be my old/new/borrowed/blue thing.
Can't I just go to the party with an open bar, marry my best friend and have a good time? No one will remember what kind of bouqet I had! UGH!

Maybe I will just enjoy the next couple of weeks without doing anythign "wedding"-ish.

harper0813 · April 2013

I've also been in the same rut. My parents took a lot of the fun out of it about two months ago and I stepped back and forgot about anything wedding-related for a month and a half or so, just to give myself a break. It helped to stop talking to them about the wedding and do some of the things I'd been most looking forward to before - having some things custom made (calligraphy table numbers, invitations), buying my shoes, shopping for presents for my bridesmaids, and looking for a pretty new dress to wear to my shower. These things, which I found REALLY fun, revived the excitement.

wittykitty14 · April 2013

Yes, it happens to me from time to time. I'm going through that now too. For me, I'm really burnt out because the wedding is in less than 3 months, and then 2-3 weeks after the wedding we're moving 1000 miles away and I'll be starting grad school exactly one month after the wedding. It's a lot of life changes at once, so I completely understand-you're not alone!

Sometimes I feel guilty for thinking this, but I remind myself that I don't love FI any less. Like you, I am SO excited to be married. I'll admit, at times I tell myself that we should have just gone to the courthouse and avoided the hassle of intense planning. But I know that's not what either of us want, and that in the end, it's worth it

It's hard for me to come up with tips on how to deal with this, as I'm going through it myself, but I'll try! I suggest taking a break from planning, if you can. Designate a day/time where you promise you will not talk or think about the wedding. Go on a date with FI, go for a walk, do something that makes you happy! If you still have to keep up with wedding stuff, pace yourself. Take everything one step at a time. And if you can, work on some of the wedding stuff that's more fun! For me, I love dealing with the food part, planning the ceremony music, and thinking about wearing my beautiful wedding ring!

I know what you're going through, and it's pretty tough sometimes! Even though getting married is exciting, sometimes the planning part is just not fun. This is completely normal! Ride the ruts out. They come and go, but they don't last forever!

Edit: I don't know if any of this is helping you, but this thread has actually been helpful for me so far. Knowing you're not alone is very comforting sometimes! Thank you for bringing this up!

audrewuh · April 2013

It happens to almost everyone I know of that's planned a wedding. Listen to PP's, take a break and just enjoy the rest of your life. Centerpieces can wait, as can colors of flowers and your somethings.

If it makes you feel better, at about the 5 month mark, I stopped all things wedding for about two months. It was great! I was able to focus on my job and the class I was taking, my friends, and most importanly, my then-FI. When wedding stuff popped into my brain, I wrote it down and moved on to whatever else I was doing.

Take a break, enjoy building your new house!

dem068 · April 2013

I totally agree! I just want to be married and have a fun time with family/friends celebrating, but all this planning is a ton of work. I totally agree with is having certain days of the week dedicated to wedding planning, and then life as usual the other days (because it can start to take over your life). For example, make wednesday night wedding wednesday, and you can strategize/plan things with your FI, and once a month (or however often is necessary), go do wedding related things on saturday. But then other weekends/weekday nights, plan your life how you normally would.

Also, if there are people in your life who are super excited about certain things, use their help if they offer it! I also did not care at all about flowers, but my mom and cousin were super into them, so I told them how much I wanted to spend, and went to the florist with them, but let them talk to the florist and decide on a lot of it, while I just sat back and generally approved things. It was a very stress free way to do that part of the planning.

SB1512 · April 2013

I'm in the same boat. I feel like the wedding is turning into a production, and is super not FI and I. Even my shower isn't what I wanted it to be, and the bach party seems to be shaping up to also not be something I want. So I've been mentally checked out for the last month or so. Don't get me wrong, I still want to marry FI and I'm so excited to do that, but everyday I wish a little more that we had just eloped and done something that would have been more "us" and not "what everyone else thinks it should be"

winelover123 · April 2013

I totally understand. I got in a two month rut and just stopped planning (well, I looked at wedding porn on pintrest because it's fun). Give yourself a break.

MayberryAfterMidnight · April 2013

YES. In the 9 months before the wedding, FI started a PhD program, he and I moved twice and to a new state, and I started a new job. And our wedding is 8 hours away, so I have to plan long distance. I got a few of the big things out of the way early - venue (my parents' farm, so easy), caterer, photographer, the band, and dress. And then...I got stuck and really overwhelmed. I realized the little details are worse (at least for me) than the big things. My advice is to take a break if you can, as PPs have said, but also try to focus on accomplishing only one thing at a time. So instead of thinking about the million and one little things, I try to say "I'm just going to do X today." Though sometimes I still think we should have eloped...

avolker1 · April 2013

I'm right there with you guys in the planning rut. I go through spurts of intense planning then I get burned out and don't want to think about it. For me, now that its down to the little details, it's helped for me to ask myself if I really need to do all the things I originally planned on or if its just causing unnecessary stress. For instance, I had wanted to make all these DIY decorations for the ceremony site but it was stressing me out more than it would be worth it, so I decided to cut those. We're getting married outside and I know it will be beautiful all on its own. I also make lists and cross things off. It feels really good to cross things off. It also lets me visualize that this month I can take a break since I'm in a rut and I can pick up again next month. Ps I couldn't agree more with those of you who talked about flowers. I just don't care about them and I couldn't even tell you what we picked. I think the florist was annoyed with us because we weren't gushing over flowers and didn't have hundreds of photos printed out with things we liked. We just kept telling her "purple and orange."

MuppetFan · April 2013

I'm not crazy planning like I did for my first wedding. I'm just relaxing and letting things fall into place, it's a totally awesome way to do it and I highly suggest it. I got my vendors out of the way and every few weeks I have a task I cross off ...like this week I'm working on songs.
I'm laid back about it...if we never pick any songs, the DJ will pick them.

audrewuh · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-excited-about-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:785c26b3-eb75-4f54-a7a6-0290d4440680Post:4e633256-cfac-48dc-8865-4b3cc742ab82">Re: Not Excited about Wedding Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not crazy planning like I did for my first wedding. I'm just relaxing and letting things fall into place, it's a totally awesome way to do it and I highly suggest it. I got my vendors out of the way and every few weeks I have a task I cross off ...like this week I'm working on songs. I'm laid back about it...<strong>if we never pick any songs, the DJ will pick them.</strong>
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

<div>We never made a must play or a do not play list. When we interviewed them, they knew that nickleback would not be allowed to play and they made a note of it on our paperwork. H didn't even pick his M/S dance song until 5 min before we did the dances. Everything went great!</div>

avolker1 · April 2013

I never made a must play or a do not play list. When we interviewed them, they knew that nickleback would not be allowed to play and they made a note of it on our paperwork. H didn't even pick his M/S dance song until 5 min before we did the dances. Everything went great! Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE] You might be my favorite person ever for not allowing nickleback to be played.

hkinsley · April 2013

Its so nice to know I'm not alone in all of this!

I was starting to feel guilty after my mom and dad were giving me a fair amount of money to go towards the wedding and mom was so excited about it! Everytime she would start talking about the wedding she would start freaking me out saying there was so much to do and all of it being things I didn't even want at my wedding!

So the FI and I took a little drive to an already framed house that is much like the house plans we are finalizing and that made me a little more excited to just get through the wedding, so I think I'll take a few more weeks of time away from wedding stuff and then just set aside some time once a week to get through this with a little bit of my sanity left! Afterall, I've got time!

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